By Ricardo Correa (c)
1 Spirit Habitations
There isn’t another time that I can remember being so in touch with the outer world, his name was Luis, he had committed suicide, this he told me our first night together, never had I been told a name before, never had I been given so much insight into another being from the spirit world, this one had a name, “Luis, Luis,” I was so fascinated by the fact I had a name I kept on repeating it to myself all day, I walked like a zombie through the streets of our city watching people trajectory like units of quanta, each silently determining how much energy a building or a cause would have simply through their presence, I didn’t care I watched, saying to myself, “Luis, his name is Luis.” That name was a treasured splendor that I held with me but then it wasn’t the only treasure this week, this week for the first time I had made contact a more voluntary relationship, they and I wanted to feel each other, and so we did, feel each other that is, but this time a spirit had come to tell me that he had committed suicide, that his name was Luis, that he had been in a catholic school, he even showed me the building, tall, singular but a faded relic of architecture, and yet a cross of modernism that had been overlooked by the modernists, a vaulted ceiling, glass windows at the very high top and then below, the children learning, only they were playing, playing, only one wasn’t playing, Luis was contemplating suicide, he saw the beans as places to hang himself, he never told me how he ultimately committed suicide, but you could see him contemplating the beans of wood as perfect for a noose to hang from; and his contemplation was distant and alert, he wasn’t with the other children, he was different, he didn’t belong with them, somehow he was more contemplative, more given to feeling, more given to feel than to think, that curse of slight difference made him not belong among his peers, when he thought his thoughts were autodidactic-deadly, as any thought that is not supported by feelings must be.
I say that it had been a particularly nice week because I had managed to communicate with Luis, and also with someone else, another spirit had come to me during the early part of the week and while I was now accustomed to spirit visits I was not accustomed to spirits answering my call for interaction. For the last year I had obtained a certain regularity of visits in a more or less irregular calendar, we could say 10 times a month at least I was visited, mathematically speaking 33% visits per month over the course of a badly measured year. The visits were always the same, electrifying emulsions wrapping around my body, after a pretense of caution by touching my hair as a warning that the body invasion was going to take place, maybe it took them a while to feel me as an avatar, a person willing spiritual habitations, a decision that I had made out of boredom and no other more inspiring case. Eventually they got to realize that I was ok, maybe a spiritual signature, a smell of a note on my mind’s eye told them I was ok for habitation, because they kept on and so touched me and made noises around my different habitats to enter me via my ears or through my mouth as part of a deep breath that formed a noisy wind tunnel to anyone with a sensitive ear.
Then it came, he didn’t say anything, he was a young boy, he told me that he had killed himself and that he was now somehow condemned to circle the earths stratosphere, searching if you will for a body to be born into, there was no other introduction, his energy locked into my body and begged me to have a child so that he could be born, he promised he would be the little boy I always wanted, I insisted that I would be a bad parent, that I failed the responsible adult test, that I didn’t see myself in a fatherly role, more I suspected that he would not make a nice child, that once born he would only rebel against me and that I would either end up beating him up, even killing him or abandoning everything to alcoholism. He was not distraught by any of this things, he said my wife and I would make good parents, he wanted to be born to us, he was sorry he had committed suicide, he didn’t want it that way, he was sorry.
It hit me, he talked about my wife, what about her? Why was he here? Was the determination of soul allocations done at conception or birth? Was my wife pregnant? I asked if she was the spirit said nothing, but I suspected that she wasn’t, she couldn’t be we were very careful, neither of us manifested an immediate desire for children, and now here was this spirit telling me, “please have me as your child, I want you both as parents” and I was saying I don’t want someone that committed suicide as my born again child.
The spirit eventually left perhaps surrendering the idea of convincing me, but I was so mesmerized by the request that I had failed to recognize that it was the first time that I had had a dialog with a visiting energy, and then, then Luis showed up, and he said my name is Luis, Luis Alfonsin, I committed suicide, he didn’t say he wanted to be born or that he expected my wife and I to birth him, he just wanted to lament a little, to console me by adding a disquieting moment to my otherwise dull existence, Luis didn’t want anything, he just said, this was where I went to school and my name is Luis, I didn’t enjoy life, it seemed to mental, and when I asked him if he wanted me to contact his parents, he more or less said “its not necessary.”
It occurred to me that Luis could be the first spirit attempting a less direct way of birthing himself into our marriage, but the feelings of spirit essence are so particular, it didn’t feel at all like the other, and so I kind of accepted that he wasn’t in the business of repeating his existence, maybe he had consoled himself to the idea that he would circle the stratosphere, add infinitum, add infinitum.
On the way to work I was calmer than ever, I drank a couple of glasses of wine, I was disconnecting, I knew that now existence mattered less, much less add infinitum.
2 Degernetic Prisons
A few nights of silence from the spirit caused me to analyze the situation, you get to thinking a little and you say, electrical impulses go through the body, what does that imply? Neurons are firing, sparkles are being kindled in the electro-chemical sauce that makes synapses curl and snap transmissions. My body felt the surges of energy, thus if you tapped my brain and body with electro energy scanners throughout, you would be able to see the needles invoke a spirit habitation within me.
The part of the self that is a spiritual being doesn’t want anything to do with test equipment, we want to pray to the spirit and to hold its essence in the divine wonder of it all, but after a few nights without spirits your greater contact with earthly beings makes you more cynical, and so not only do you start thinking like them but you also get this itch about what it would be like to trap a spirit, any spirit or the spirit of god if that were possible, imagine if you could watch the hand of god through a series of screen diodes kicking his energy over our dimension. Well you are reasonable enough, or at least I was to conclude that the energy from god would fire off all the fuses much as a lightning bolt might and that aside where could you contain it, god energy would exhaust infinite rows of batteries, one has to suppose that is so, or is the energy of god less than the whole composite energy of the universe?
Well without meaning to get stuck in composite questions that cannot be answered for now, one could phantom that the energy of spirit could be trapped, caught in some kind of an electrical prison. Much like spirits have the ability to possess us we must have the ability to create an electrical contraption where spirit energy could be trapped for our amusement. The circus-circus of amusements, come see the spirit stuck in an energy trap, come watch it fuse through walls of energy only to be redirected into an eternal loop, the spirit energy never goes hungry, it is eternal, it will last there in that electrical sandwich of a prison for ever and ever as long as we keep power to it. And the circus director would assure you that the energizer powered out-putter generator was tied to a nuclear generator that had a back up nuclear generator just in case add infinitum. In short the spirit energy once trapped in this Denergetic Prison bar contraption would be helplessly ricocheting back and forth to and from until the end of the universe and you could see it all for a nickel, one nickel add infinitum.
This could of course inspire a whole new field of ethics, is it fair to trap a spirit in an earthly contraption? We know nothing about the spirit, except that it was in a house on earth, that one day we went in there with the spiritual equivalent of a butterfly catcher, and surrounded it, we don’t know if it is the spirit of the Virgin Mary or the Holy Ghost or one of the minor saints, all we know is we got it and we aren’t going to let go of it, how could we, how could anyone expect that of us.
Scientists would sit for hours measuring the energy habitation inside of the electrical chamber, using ultra sensitive detectors that would measure any slight energy depletion, we would be able to tell if spirits are eternal energy, it might take measuring the spirit over two thousand centuries for sure to notice any quanta depletion at all, and if any where found then the law of entropy would apply to spirits too, and if so what do they eat in the cosmic realm? is god too finite energy? only way too long and deeply entrenched in the concept of universe so that we don’t know, we cannot see its end, but god too might be energy starving to death.
No way to begin to answer any of these question until we trap a spirit, but I think the task of trapping one ought to be easy enough. We could prepare the trap, spirit energy is very weak, as I can testify to that, it has a surge capability but it has to pause for long periods between surge expressions and so I propose that when in my room alone, we create a circle of copper walls, creating a force field through whatever chicanery scientists do that; I don’t know details but I am sure you can understand, I mean a sort of physical force field, then when a spirit assumes possession of my body, I would press a red button, or blink thrice, spirits tend to leave the body when one becomes alert or when higher level energies, muscle energy and/or mental energies cross the body magic, and so instantly I would rush to exit the room; only I physically may easily slip through a magnetic force field that would be inclined to repel mere energy without corporeal material compositions, I would only need a brief second to exit and the energy wall could be brought to maximum concentration for a lockdown.
Anyways once this was done and I think it doable within my life time, even less, if we do it here in Colombia we could be the Silicon Valley of Spiritual research, and there is no telling where we could go from there. Maybe spiritual energy could be trained to calculate things or maybe we could even get a real grasp on who and why the bible was so metaphorically written; or maybe we could learn how to trap spiritual energies before they left the body of a dying relative and so eventually we could have our loved ones near the tea cup at least till the end of our lives.
After that we can ponder the implications of putting more than one spirit in the same energy prison, and we can even fancy if the spirits will have the ability to unite against us from all of their cages.
3 Touching is Everything
It was a strenuous night, nothing would halt my insomnia, I opted to retire to the guest bedroom so as not to disturb my wife with my noisy thoughts; I didn’t expect any miracles, my mind flustered over the incessant perditions that a material life may harvest, unpaid bills, diplomatic embargoes with friends, relatives having endless birthday processions, suspicious business partners and the bobbing lawyers always appearing before any apples, and then Lucy came.
The night endeavored to clamor all over me but I did a few breaths of ohm to the universal vowels, and the more I did the less I felt the weight of my mortal insanity. During the immersion into the cosmic I did notice that many a things did not make sense, why would randomly free spirits opt to or want to be born even after they had committed suicide? What was it about the here and now that held such a lucrative attraction? After all the spirits that had inhabited my body had amply, through possession, demonstrated an interest in a material essence, me. I wasn’t anything special, not a senator or a genius and not even average, the average person could get on in this world rather well, I was largely ineffectual here, all my endeavors had consistently come to naught, if the world wanted to prove something to me it was that I was absolutely wrong about everything. This defeated carbon based person was the one that the spirits were willing and apparently wanting to feel.
It is why I had to ponder how much they could tell about me from our mutual immersions; the most that I have been able to conclude is that they may read my thoughts but not much more beyond that, I don’t think they get access to some kind of a personal database on all my menial characteristics, they do however seem to sense all the connections that I have to every other human and or sentient being; it is as if they are able to see a superlative grid that encompasses all relations and acquaintances and even just friendly dispositions, something; something told me that, there were lines and circles identifying all relationships.
At another level they had very little energy, why I was ten thousand pounds of energy by comparison. I could tell this because just entering my body consumed all of their burst energy, they then, for a while, simmered within me, or so I speculate, so as to regenerate spirit energy. Maybe that is why they are able to cross or hop dimensions, there very lightness is dependant on an insignificant amount of energy, maybe just one drop of quanta makes up an entire soul, and that might be too much by my frame of reference.
I found another thing interesting, they do not seem to derive energy from being within me, that is I don’t replenish their batteries, they don’t come to me for energy harvestings and they don’t give provide me with energy; even as I accurately feel that once a soul has been within me a signature of their presence and mine within theirs is grafted into the sentient grid of the universe. Touching is everything.
With that realization I awoke into my morning from a sleepless night.
4 In The Blackness
The nights had now become my place for meditation, where I went to touch the spirits on a regular basis, as a result everything in my life was changing for we may not be privy to the goings of the spiritual but once it makes contact we are changing for good, there wont be any going back. The frightening thing is that we don’t know if the spiritual life affirms our earthly life, it may well be possible that they are at conflict and that it is not in the interest of a material life to examine the spirit and vice versa.
Still I must admit that once I got in line to become aware and indeed to perceive the essence of the spirits, it was pointless to consider that I would back down, that I would back track, you cannot, you will not say to yourself I will halt the visitations here and now, no you don’t say that, you just go, move forward, even as you don’t know what forward is, what it implies and much less how to move forward, you are at the merci of what the spirits are willing to show you; you are equally defenseless, you don’t know how to be a hypocrite in the spirit world, you cannot fancy yourself saying to an evil spirit “go away!’ and count that such will occur, more since there is no way to see ten feet ahead of you, since your senses do not have cognition in this realm, you accept that you are on a blind path and that no one is there to assure goodness prevails or to safe guard your interest, everything could go wrong, and you don’t know that there is a god that is going to punish the evil doers or a god that is going to defend you against falling into a limbo precipice.
And so that is precisely where I was, the spiritual habitations had been fortunately rather dull, spirits came and touched me, a couple of uncomfortable forms had touched me but none had stayed and simply turning the lights on and moving muscles was enough to dispense of negative energies. This however was probably so due to my own immaturity in the process, I hadn’t become patient or contemplative enough, I was still asking a myriad of questions and my body was still too stiff and my breathing was not yet an ohm perfection; I was instead a curios visitor that spirits that had neither great energy nor interesting insights were to play with, I was still with spiritual kitties, playing kitty games. In summary was safe from misgivings because of my own immaturity in the spiritual realm and had that inadequacy to thank for my safety. Not a compliment a total insult was my lifeguard.
The last three nights can be summarized as that, three nights, mostly empty of any significant impact, the spirits came and touched me and duly left when I ended the session with the improbity of every day life. Still not to disappoint I have some rather interesting developments to report.
I have assured myself now that the seat of the soul is right mid carriage where the front of the thorax collapses inwardly; this had been told to me earlier by a not very credible source, a fanatic who is best not mention here as he can only discredit the cause and only serves to prove that sometimes morons may posses an accidental insight into great truths. I feel bad saying that, and I feel my reader feeling badly about it as well but we must be honest here even if the truth does harass our tolerances; besides we all have access to the truth, even dictators, ogres, maggots and reptiles have before them the possibility of touching the truth and even when they fail to touch it they still do, they just don’t know that they do.
A spirit came to me, feminine though I still have not ascertain that there is such a thing as gender in the spirit sphere, what I felt was feminine but I suspect that the translation is hindered but my interpretation of things and how I perceive them; still with that warning I think you ought to know that I have only counted the emotions and feelings that have been produced through an external stimuli and thus I suspect that there is a degree of truth in them and more important a degree of rightness about them, that means that even if they are not the truth they in some way capacitate and help the truth.
And so with those qualifiers I say a feminine spirit came and touched me. I realized that if I raised my arms towards the heavens that such would permit her to better channel herself towards me, and indeed such was the case, a serious impulse of energy exemplified itself over me and concentrated on the inner part of my arms and neck, a sort of strange position but the energy was pulsing in just such a way and I would not be fair to describe it any other.
The concentration of energy thanks to the position of my arms was substantial and since then I have confirmed that this helps spirits in channeling their energy towards my inner essence so that it may persist and increase the feel effect.
Another spirit was able to do the same, this time it seemed masculine or more accurately neutral, as if it did not posses a gender or maybe it just wasn’t human, maybe it was that of an alien or an animal. This spirit not only followed the path created by the arms but somehow entered deep into my esophagus and actually managed to create a dark energy within the cup of the soul, where the soul is held till we perish, there this spirit held for minutes, touching and feeling it and yet I repeat the energy from the momentary merging of our souls was conclusively black and motionless, even voided of any conclusive essence, it had none, as if two souls cancelled each other out, as if you should reach for one another but never merge. All this is still too early for me to draw any conclusion from it.
Yet another night a spirit pulsed through me but this time I allowed it to use my essence energy, perhaps energy that is from the material, for as I said, “use my energy if you needed it as you wish.” Immediately my body lit up with the essence energy within me and equally in front of me, this was rather marvelous because I had been trying to inspire some kind of effect and I had not had a conclusive reflection of any of my attempts to feel an in-between reaction and connection, but clearly the spirit responded to my “use my energy” offer and reacted accordingly. Which implies many things but most importantly I think it implies a sense of communality in trying to reach one another.
Over all there are more things to report but I think the cup of the soul, the channeling of an energy embrace with raised arms and a sense that we can share energy created in one dimension so that it may well be used by the spirit world in another dimension is sufficient for now.
I entered my spiritual guest bedroom for another night, equally expecting that the tensions of my daily duties would devoid me of any spiritual habitations, only tonight it was not to be so. I entered an immediate contemplative state of being, my breathing haphazardly rhythmically harmonized to a cosmic melody, and I felt so much one with the universe that I unconsciously lifted my hands and begun a sort of celebration dance, my hands jousting here and there as guided by the curves of space-time.
When you gesture your hands in a sort of touch but don’t touch space, you get to feel the different dimensions that are invisible to our eyes but not to our feelings. Thus I have noticed that I may touch the different dimensions much as one touches a guitar string or a piano key, the response is based on one’s feeling of the string, the vibration relishes a hand that is aware and sensitive to every nuance, and so it is with the dimensions, each dimension scales a different melody and you have to be able to scale that melody with your fingers. I moved my fingers as if touching the cosmic piano and I was able to sense maybe three scales or three dimensions.
I did this for quite a while and it is very beautiful to do this, an inner euphoric unleashes calmly throughout your body, and after a while I switched to embrace all of the dimensions within a spiral that was created by my arms and hands, lifted but curling a spiral unison so that dimensional energy would flow towards an inner sense, and this was so effectual that I was able to feel dimensional energy flowing into me through the improvised tunnel that my arms created.
Then, a tear drop manifested itself below my right cheek, a tear dropped from the cosmic, from the universe, from some dimension, and I felt that tear and was so happy to have it in my possession, there on my cheek and I begun to worry that it would run off following the natural curvature of my cheek; but then somewhat to my comfort I felt the essence that had produce that tear, a feminine spirit, she showed me my skeleton as it was lying there, it looked rather in good form and nothing scary to look at, and then she told me her name, her name was “Lucy” and this Lucy, of the many that there could be, was crying. I could feel all of her countenance crying before mine, only it was this energy of suffering, not so much an agony, she was instead just suffering, suffering in the way that a woman sometimes cries endlessly without explanation; crying because she felt something far beyond her, it wasn’t something of herself, she was suffering perhaps because she was obliquely linked to the suffering of some other soul in the universe; that is Lucy was predisposed to channeling suffering, and her overwhelming amortization had sparked a tear that traveled through the material and slammed into this me.
It was a precious instant and I was spectacularly in awe of the moment, for in all of my nights in 46 years of existence nothing had touched me so, nothing could equal that sensation; but the surprise of the night had not reached its conclusion, because Lucy swirled around throughout my upper torso and face, and I chanted, “spirit feel free to enter this body and envelop me with your essence.” I repeated this a couple of times and sensed her energy pulsing in a sort of spatial-ballet so as to accumulate enough of her tiny quanta so as to face one direction of space-time and to trounce into me with but less energy than it takes to snap a rubber-band.
Then, right before the energy snapped its way into me a hissing noise unleashed its presence, a cavatina etching itself into my inner ear with all the certainty of a diesel engine, but it wasn’t just my ear canal that received it, the noise pulsing for about a long second rinsed itself through my flesh, I could sense it as it countered my face to make its way into me, and with it, as spirits often enter through the ear and mouth at the same time, Lucy’s harmonics entered me through both and then rejoined herself once within me. There she reached a sort of pulsing calmness, I could feel her permanence within, resting for a few seconds as if saying to herself that the sterile coldness that was the deserted vacuum was only her temporary habitat. She sat there within me, resting, and I allowed her and I told her that I was pleased to host her, I told her to stay within me as long as she liked, I thanked her for making me so luxurious that night, I smiled without smiling.
At some point into the night Lucy left, I don’t remember if it was due to something in my world disturbing a very fragile possession or if she opted to go back to her dimension, I have now learnt that asking questions in this realm doesn’t get you any satisfactory answers, just answers that one makes up and those are so wanting that I am fine with abandoning all inquiry; which I think also opens so many doors.
The next night Lucy came to me without any meditation on my part, unfortunately our cats were acting wrestles and they prevented my entering a contemplative condition. Lucy is the second spirit to give me their name, but she is the first spirit that came to me again with twice the same melody. Perhaps the universe was reproducible, perhaps everything could be rearrange even as my contemplation was over a tear, but that lurked with the awareness that spirits could suffer too, and without the knowledge of how many hundreds of thousands of humans were experiencing the very same thing.
6 Tomorrow I Will Die
People tend not to grasp the spirit realm that is my conclusion and they do not because the spirit realm doesn’t appear to depend on us and so we never conclusively see it as relevant in our lives. The practice of religion cannot be considered as dealing with the spirit world because religion in itself is a practical instrument for the agglomeration of our metaphysical fantasies into one comprehensible whole that joins humanity in a sense of belief in the here and now but doesn’t bother to identify connectivity with the spirits as part of the grand theme.
Saint Augustine was all about devotion and prayer, Saint Thomas of Aquinas was all about disciplined devotion, the apostles were preachers, proselytize and keepers of the faith but more than anything they were moralist that kept on promoting the ten easy ways to become a Christian and how to discover another that is not you within you. Beyond that the apostles were no different than any philosopher that is trying to promote a set of values and methods to live a life with a higher sense of purpose.
But we are very much like democrats and republicans when it comes to the spiritual life, we don’t realize that we are one of the same with spirits, that it is our lot to carry our souls in-between our thorax cavity as one loads a suitcase for travel, there it is in hibernation until we return to the spirit world, here it is just a battery, it powers our lives, it turns us on and keeps as going but beyond that there is no apparent need to have the soul actively sitting next to you when you are being reviewed by your boss or in front of a justice of the court.
Soul, souls don’t do anything in this life and so we don’t actively communicate with our own soul even as we might be able to feel it, and we don’t realize that our mind is not part of the soul, that the brain we are so in love with for all its charming intelligence doesn’t go out of this world, we don’t realize that all the rationalizing instincts are earthly bound and stay put; and so it is that we don’t communicate with our own soul even as communicating with our own soul is paramount to unity with all other souls.
Souls, soul the grander of the two concepts of course is that a soul has a dimension for its habitations, that there is an agglomeration off souls and that they live in a medium, and that in that realm souls swing and flow through the universe, more likely at least by my observations in a series of dancing eight movements which tangle upon one another and rhythm their way throughout the cosmic realm. This unison of harmonic eight variations that pulse souls through dimensions is fascinating for what it isn’t, it isn’t a singular soul, there is no singular soul though for some reason you and I and even spirits fancy that each of us has a soul that talks individually to the self and to a deity. The sensations which have gained me some awareness in the matter tell me that the individual soul is actually a movement within a spiritual essence and not an isolated whole that may opt to belong or not to the grander glorious essence.
As such you might better imagine your soul as merely a note within the symphony, how you utter your tune determines how that region of the spiritual realm expresses itself but it doesn’t make it autonomous, the whole of the spiritual realm is composed of a single melody with various harmonic variations; each reverberation apparently the nuance of an eighth protruding through dimensions and sustaining the essence all through harmonics. As a result of that, and plainly spoken there is no individual soul, there are not ten souls, the devil is a movement within the spiritual essence, maybe acid rock, maybe demons are rap innocence, they just don’t know, maybe god is the entire thing, but the essence does not appear to have a hierarchy, each note contrives the whole and there appears to be no logic to why it might scream, shout or hum a low or tense note. And so it is that in the vast realm of the spiritual one soul connects you to all souls, as there is truly only one soul.
I say these things having been able to make a distinct crossing into the contours of the spiritual essence, at no point did I see any sense of distinctions, the uniformity is almost disturbing to the point of boredom, which might well explain poltergeist harmonics and demonic hyperbole possessions; these things my just be a lot of rioting fun and might not be understood when amplified by happenings in the baseness of a material world which doesn’t travel at the same speed as the spiritual essence.
I am also quite amazed that even gender appears transcendental, the Angel Gabriel is a transsexual, hermaphrodite, male and female and even a truffle all at once depending on how the named harmonic feels that day. There is no doubt in my mind that all appearances of identity are transient, the problem with this of course is that at one time or another any of us could play the role of deviant angel turned devil, as such the position of devil is always vacant and new comers always inhabit it and some longer than others; but what is most fascinating about it is that there is such variance within spiritual essence to allow for a devil, as if in the whole of it there was still a need to play that symphonic variation even as the whole appears to feel uncomfortable about it.
Last night was the first night that I became fully aware that the spiritual realm is all over us and we are equally critical in its experiencing being, why I don’t quite yet know, I might never know it but there are so many things that are being revealed to me with a clarity that seems more see through than water, that I am cornered into thinking that we may well be able to unravel the whole tangled between material and spiritual happenings.
But it was how I happened upon it that I think might alert you most to how tangled the whole universe is, and I know this is a blow to independence, freedom and individuality but then whom ever thinks those things real has no clue how a civilization comes about. Anyways I was laying there doing my deep breathing ohms, my brow heavy and sensing this or that spirit passing by and through me; some staying to touch my ear or to press their essence harmony upon my chest; others bringing in a sensual message or a darkness and heaviness which I may not be able to interpret; all in all a boring and repetitive night as these experiences have become so common in my nights, that I just rest there and listen and listen, when you tune in for the spirits they make themselves available, they like to be heard and felt, maybe it tells them that they are not alone, maybe it caters to their sense of difference, every note in the spiritual essence carries its own tune but it is meaningless without the whole, and yet they must all want their solo performance to be heard while the entire body of the essence wants the gamut of its melody to encompass everything so that the universe hears it all as one amazing choir.
I was a little bored, occasionally telling the spirits to please ring some different and dramatic tune, when a silent spirit came right up to my face, coldness drifted over me and that coldness is part of the silence, it is even common knowledge that all spirits operate at a cold temperature, obviously this might be because superconductivity is achieved at very low temperatures and spirits that myrrh and whirl and writhe all over your body and cross the earth with one single movement must invariably be models of superconductivity at work. But also I think that because the spiritual essence is one whole then as atoms coalesce and behave as one as they reach absolute zero so it must be with the spirits, they must operate close to 273 minus degrees Celsius. However I think we are mostly safe from freezing over when they make contact with us because the friction between the dimension that spirits hover upon and ours heats things up a bit and that is how you can have superconductivity at room temperature; a dimensional flux sort of instantly ups the temperature, the friction is a quick energy lifter and thus when they touch us we don’t freeze to death; but equally it is because of this dimensional walling that we only have seconds or through good fortune minutes of spiritual apparitions and thus experiences of these type are precious indeed. Oddly this imposed impermanence due to a natural incoherence between them and us, equally implies that any unpleasant spiritual habitations can be survived if you just hold your breath long enough.
This is also why some of you that may have experienced spirits feel their energy surge and then it almost hums and vanishes for a few minutes, these dimensional transgressions must require a great deal of effort from the spirit pushing through its harmonics unto our being. And so this very heavy and deep breathing coldness of spirit reached me, heavy essence pressing itself upon me and it whispered this most revealing of things, “Tomorrow I will die, tomorrow I will die.”
I held a bit stiff for a second or two and then went own to disappear the spirit essence through a series of logical calculations by way of interrogation, “How can you die tomorrow aren’t you dead already? How can you be a spirit talking to me right now and not be dead?” The spirit of course didn’t hang around for explanations but it left me some form of awareness which allowed me to surmised the illogic of the logic. He wasn’t dead! He wasn’t dead yet! And that is why his masculinity was so obvious, the more real we are in the material world the more discernable gender and this immensely powerful essence was telling me that he was aware that he was going to die, and he wanted me to know it. Yet I don’t know why, perhaps he was looking to convince himself, perhaps he was a force within life and had dedicated so much to pulsing in the here and now that now he needed apparently external confirmation so that his material dictation-confirmation would relinquish his body, and so through me he was helping himself die, he was telling this world I am done with you.
Regardless the clear implication here is that we may actually visit with the souls of those that are still alive, that we are indeed capable of soul habitations within the living, that we may reach spiritual essence not just through the dead and bodiless but also through those well alive and a part of this corporeal existence. Thus now, here today, though I haven’t done it, I, I may now speak to my own soul essence, i.e., here my one note and equally yours, yes reader I may visit your soul essence.
I wont tell you that I was elated by the nights events, spirits passing through your body may well give you energy but they may well take it away for their own use; in some ways by being on this side, when they come to me they suck my energy so that they may keep what little pulse they have of their own for their return movement, and so I was cold, very cold, suffering a severe propensity to become ill, my antibodies down, and my mood was introspective, the world almost didn’t exist, where I could say I am almost dead today.
7 I Could Not Say
There were such jumbled jumble of questions in my mind that it would do no one any good to try to document. Here I was, making what evening news should consider a significant story, “nightly contact with spirits” reproducible results, an able measure, “static in the air” and my confirmed verification against current suicides, murders or whatever, the evidence could be reproduce independently, I was not an anomaly, the lack of uniqueness, at least in this case, made me special. It was not to be, they wouldn’t buy any of it long enough to prove it, there could be a hundred thousand cases of alien abductions and spiritual habitations and the corporeal beings would never ever take any stock in it because they didn’t believe it, and as they didn’t believe their belief or any inkling was subdued, sequestered and rendered insignificant and worthless.
What was I to them? Why did they bother with me? There was nothing special in this world about me, nothing! Why did they spend the nights with me? Why were they willing to spend three to five minutes of their time with me? Did they take something from me? Were they abducting human substance? as there something fundamentally important about the fact that I knew how to feel them? Was that the missing link, me! When they touched me did they steal some energy? Did they feel me more and that qualified? Or was I simply some energizer battery? When they embraced me did they embrace me, me, or did they just embrace all of humanity? Was touching me a way of touching all of sentient life? Was I simply just one of many that could provide that feeling of wholeness?
These questions did room around my nights.
8 The Spiritual Doesn’t Necessarily Reveal Good and Evil
One of the things that was most interesting was that my idiom didn’t matter, you could be Chinese and the Spirit Japanese and there would be no language or cultural comprehension barrier. It is as if spirits are stripped of all colloquial assembly and that equally allows them to perceive everything in a sort of universal format. There is no doubt that to them I was the person and character that I am but somehow it seemed personalized references were not a relevant aspect of their perception. If the character at hand were a celebrity or just plain little all me, made no difference to them. Or at least that was my perception.
The communication was never easy, they talk straight into your brain or into your essence, you can make out words but it is mostly garbled perception drawing what it may from sudden rushes of air that curl through the nostrils, ear canals or mouth, they like to breath a lot, it is almost as if they were merely an expression of blushing air molecules; if so one must suspect that there is something else behind all that, but what? That I was not prepared to answer as I was still in my novice passage into the unknown realm of divinity and spirit.
Las nights visit was rather interesting as I have been suffering a severe, and the worst, flue that I have ever experienced. It is actually been with me, this flue, for well over three weeks and it has a relentless pace, where the slightest drop of rain or a hint of cold will spur on all the horrid simples from running nose, stripped throat and dry coughing, all truly awful and it doesn’t lend itself to meditation, thus last night feeling a slight reprieve from my sufferings I went into my meditation chamber.
It didn’t start out well, the meditation chamber is also cold, the floor doesn’t have any carpeting as I tore it off because I despise carpets, they are all dirt collectors and germ hibernation centers; so I tore it off. And now my body sensed the cold cement floor, the cold walls, the iron bars around the frigid glass window, and my cough unleashed itself. I finally gave up on meditating and sort of fell into an uncomfortable sleep, managing a slight ear ache and an actively volcanic nose. When, when a sweeping energy, heavy, strong came to me, and didn’t even wait for me to say hello but ushered itself into my body.
There were immediate feelings of suspense, the energy was heavy with tattoos, there had been much blood in its life times, you could see prison walls, bodies that had been rushed through the asphalt by a tow truck, chains, overall not a pleasant experience and thus my hesitations. But the spirit was ridiculing my apprehensions and drove the message into my thoughts that he didn’t much care to sound or feel like a good guy, that he was indeed bad energy, that he had murdered and would probably due so again in whatever capacity the universed would allow him. Then he sort of ridiculed how naïve I was, asking silly questions about the concept of good and evil, questions which he did not bother to answer but did say, “maybe even as spirits we are not given answers to those questions.” Which I allowed was puzzling and yet kind of him to throw into my calculations that even in the spirit realm good and evil could still be hypothetical demarcations without any truth or certainty to them. More it explained the reflection of such upon the material world where even the concept of civil morality could be brought to trial.
After letting me feel uncomfortable for a while the spirit essence drifted off into the limbo though it had done a considerable amount of feeling my every nerve. I attempted to recall it and it didn’t reappear, only after a little while an apparently obese spirit arrived, and at that point the prisoner spirit aroused within me and said, “who else are you letting in here.” To my startled surprised the convict had not left, I told him that I wanted to experience as many as possible and all at the same time if I could, he sort of gave me the finger and left or withered once again within me.
The hefty spirit that was taking possession of me now was that of a woman that only wanted to share all of her sexual activities with me, and so kept on flushing some rather gross, though colorful spectra of what had obviously been many lovers and pretty much the same sex over and over, with all the wetness and sweat that one could pronounce with a zillion breathing pores. I lasted the ordeal only because there was really nothing better to do my sickness was hardly going to allow me to meditate any further this night.
9 On How Was I Changing and the Interrupt Symbol
I think in being honest to one’s self one doesn’t know how much anything effects our lives and changes our person. As I was making love with my wife I realized that there was something different, my perceptions and intensity was changing, my wife has always been a sensual inspiration where I get lost in her essence but now I was feeling another dimension to her body, maybe I was seeing her soul movements, and also a different aspect of my mind’s eye was sensing our intercourse. I could only conclude that the result of that new sensation was induced by some change that had taken place within me but that I had failed to notice. Sensing spirits was now causing me to sense and to react to life differently, and obviously I took notice of it where it would most be obvious in the intensity of passions between my wife and I.
I had to wonder if she too sense something different, I didn’t dare ask because I was getting weird enough as it was, besides there was always the possibility that she would imagine that the difference in our lovemaking was caused by my having another lover, for it is true that affairs change the way we make love to our partners, some times towards the more animalistic carnal pleasure and others towards more sensual intensity, but to explain that spirits were changing me when I didn’t even comprehend what that meant, would require some transcribing intelligence and patience that I didn’t at this time possess.
And so everything in my life could have been changing from its perspective and from my perspective, I could be walling my self against an immortal chamber or I could be changing in utter isolation; but regardless a change was taking place, a change within me, what it would cause, how it would interpret itself in my biography was still an unknown. Still I had made the decision to continue with the spirit habitations and to let them wander throughout my existence as it was bound to be more interesting than any trip to Disney or Wall Street.
Last night a spirit gave me yet another first. This time it wasn’t a voice or noise or a name this time it was a symbol. A spirit came to me with massive presence, I was still nursing a cold that all spirits had refused to heal either by choice or spatial or conditional limitations and my energies were low and my concentration was dim, still this mature essence composed itself near my bed, then it pressed upon my chest, and most notably and unique it begun to draw an incomplete circle with a line from the center stretching beyond its perimeter, and this incomplete circle, straight line from center to beyond perimeter was drawn twice thrice throughout my right thigh. Yes it was three symbols done in two separate sessions of demarcation, that is precisely what I felt and what I witness as was my body.
After morning came I took the time to review the symbol and was surprised to find that it is a symbol that I know from the computer industry as a symbol for “interruption”, it is a functional interrupt, the spirit was telling me that it was time for an interruption.
But an interruption of what, an impeding heart attack was certainly making its preliminaries felt, also I had thought of ceasing my writings as I was disappointed with their repetitiveness and lack of result; so what was the signal, time for a heart attack? Well that is an interrupt for sure, but if it wasn’t that then was it time to interrupt my writings for a while until I found some new direction, or was there another meaning to the interrupt scribbled upon my body?
10 Never Been Born
We went to La Mesa a 400 year old town 69 kilometers from Bogotá, population 28 thousand or so, dad has a house there, and the house has frogs and snakes that don’t get along and birds that are fed corn by dad and exotic and wonderful flowers; it was father’s day weekend and we ate a most horrible lunch that could be summarized as hydrogenated filet mignon, fortunately there was plenty of liquor and I pampered myself with that.
Come the end of day I went to bed not expecting any visitations, I still had this feeling that I had to be in my meditation chamber in order to experience the spirits, this night I would find out differently; not meaning to insult monks that count endless hours of meditation, but the whole thing about getting into ohm mode, the breathing and contemplation and even location are wholly unnecessary and indeed arbitrary.
As went to sleep and was awaken from a dream where a young teen girl, blond, tall and slender, was crying and I was soothing her while holding her hand when suddenly, continuing her sobbing she left me holding her prosthetic hand. I was somewhat disturbed by the event and was pondering the meaning of it, when a spirit essence made obvious noises and plundered my body, there was absolutely no meditation or breathing or ohms done by me, the spirit just inhabited without needing any dimensional assistance from me, and this transgressions happened with three different spirits through-out the night. It seems that they now detect me and inhabit me without much a do about it, and certainly I don’t need to contemplate anything, fully awake they come and they make noises and touch me and feel me and that is sort of nice, perhaps a reward that I am now full on avatar, day or night.
The spirit that came into me was heavy, pulsing mightily, consistently but it was blank, it didn’t give me any names, images, symbols, no clue as to why it was visiting, a complete blank drew itself in my frontal lobe, there were no images, plenty of sounds, it even whiz though the computer and made some electronic pining there and I heard the energy burst through the activation of the computer, then mostly just pulsing persistently through my body, but again no character definition and no images of any evident history which led me to conclude, without any objections from the spirit, that this essence had never been born!
That was in itself an amazing discovery, though I don’t claim to be a pioneer in this field, I suspect many have observed more and done more and learnt more, me I am just beginning my explorations and I have refused to read anything on the subject in order to experience this as a virgin avatar thus allowing my own interpretations before contaminating myself with the experiences of other. And so imagine that, a spirit that had never been born, an essence that had not manifested itself in the carnal-material. That was spectacular, I felt wonderful to have discovered that essence within me, a complete blank. But there is more, the essence had no form, it had only emotion, it felt but that is all, it just felt, a feeler just wandering the universe feeling things, like a dog smelling everything, this essence just smeared itself unto any sentient character, touching it and then moving own, a thing that just feels wandering around the universe just feeling things; things that had been born, things that had life and energy and character, this other thing had none of those compositions, it was merely a feeling feeling.
Anyone would a been pleased with that, but the night turned heavy with spirit traffic thorugh my body; a female spirit came and stayed a while, wasn’t really interested in talking to me, gave me an image of her essence, she was interesting, dramatic, calm, she touched me for a while but not like wanting to, rather as if I were a lamp post to hold unto while in the process of going to the next bar for another vodka gimlet. Certainly she was lonely and leaving is some state of ever loving a lost lover. We didn’t connect much as I have little patience for drama, and I felt her nursing personality and didn’t quite want to write poetry to it.
Soon after her disappearance came an animal spirit, you can tell animal spirits rather easily, they are furry, they have mountainous personalities, they feel like hills on top of you, you can sense their bulk and heft, they lick you, they gnaw, the make growling noises, they are not trying to get a message across, they don’t attempt to get to inside of you, mostly they touch your skin, feel you and they like to bug your bones, they move in single large movements, there is no detail to their actions, they lack finesse, they like to feel you responding to them, acknowledgement is important, they want to be petted, they respond with gnarling snarling cuteness.
As always in this night I asked the sentient beings to tell me if I could help them make contact with an earth entity, they were not interested. Equally I asked them if through them I could communicate with another corporeal being, they sort of acknowledge that I could through them feel some other and reach them, but they weren’t there for that and so they didn’t volunteer to help me touch a friend at a distance. Damn that, avatars like me are just suppose to be hospitable and expect nothing in return. Of course I kept in mind that I had no awareness of how I was changing or how I was being tainted, but one thing was certain, spirits seemed to be aware that I was susceptible and willing, there then had to be a cosmic marker listing my position in space-time.
11 I Am Waiting For You
There is always going to be some doubters out there who are probably thinking that I am making this all up, to them I say, I am not talking to you.
It is however true that my readers must be warned that the only thing that is truly genuine here is the habitations, spirits came and continue to come to me, what could be wholly wrong is my interpretation of their messages or intent. We thus can only be sure of one thing from these experiences, there are forces out there, sentient and spiritual and they are molesting themselves to spend time with others such as myself. Why do they do this? What is it that would make a spirit spend time with someone like me? There is certainly nothing special about me, I am far from having unique talents or genius qualities, I am very normal and the life I have led is more normal than that.
We can then conclude that there must be a need to touch humans because we are part of the sentient essence that composes the universe; as I touch you and you touch me we share that complimentary feeling that allows us to go where the other goes and to feel what the other feels. In a sense the sentient essence must reach out to feel all of itself, maybe in a sense to become aware of all of its disparate elements; and thus it puts together the puzzle of existence in an awareness of self.
Why this might be necessary is as difficult to pronounce as why do we ask so many questions. The spirits often induce in me a feeling of silence, they are not intellectualizing their condition, they are strictly feeling and touching and passing from here to there but there appears to be no cross-examination or moral quandary that they are addressing. At least it seems when they touch me that there is no judgment of the actions that they witness from my history.
One spirit a few nights ago did say something that I thought was rather interesting: “I am waiting for you.” That I thought was rather curious because it identified an “I” with such possessive format one can suspect it is mother, the devil or god in waiting. I was of the impulse to suspect that it was mother because I had made an agreement to go see mother’s apartment, a place that I had opted to avoid after her death; but my sister Liz recommended that I go see it so as to feel my mother’s essence there. Which indeed I did visit only a few days after the “I am waiting for you,” message.
Only she wasn’t there, I prostrated myself precisely on the spot where she had fallen after a fatal brain aneurism, and there expected that she would come to me, she didn’t. Her apartment was soothing, it is near a Muisca tribe monument, where it is presumed that there is a strong spiritual concentration, but all I felt was calm, peace, but certainly not mother’s essence as Liz had reported.
12 Essence Visits In The Here And Now
We were having many financial troubles with the business and the intensity at home was obviously taking its toll on my spiritual contemplations, I didn’t have the time to sufficiently rest, and I was always worried and tensed so the result was not one conducive to touching alternate realities. It didn’t help that I was in the habit of reading the occasional press release, news being the more aggressive form of landing in a harsh reality. Finally however a three day weekend had come my way, a rare treat, and I had opted, with Domaine, to spend all of it locked-down in our apartment with our four cats, Loki, Sarah, Pacho and Lola.
Supreme and wonderful rest it commenced to be but I was still worried about meeting payroll only a few days away, so I was tense enough that I wasn’t going to lay there to let spirits feel me. After our first long day of just sitting around the house doing precisely nothing but just writing and reading or tossing Loki through the air or letting him bite me so that I could feel his aggression, only to then caress his nose, which he loves and this puts all his emotions in good purring motion. Often as I watch this change over, from aggressive cat fights with me, Loki will change in an instant to purring and pure contentment. It is as if the same energy that produces aggression produces tenderness.
Anyways, there sitting at my desk, reading about the latest child abduction, the latest business world scandal, an essence entered my body; all lights on, the computers fully on, the cats sleeping or licking themselves on top of the monitors, and me wide awake and something gets into my body.
Immediately I reacted positively and avatar willing; “here I am feel free to possess me, use my energy, I love touching the universe.” The spirited essence wasn’t timid about its presence and very much let me know that it was there with the usual but intense pulsing. I told the essence to stay with me that I would go into the meditation chamber, to please hold out. And indeed this I did and things only got more divine from there, the force was very animalistic and willing to explore me and this went on through out the night. The essence was both heavy and large and had a lot of potential mass, I could feel it heavier, larger and longer than my body; to the point that it was not able to put all of itself within the confines of my ecology. It was humid and colorful and had a sort of whale-snake-contentment as it magnified throughout my essence.
The beauty of this is that I was wide awake not in a contemplative-meditative state, but rather fully awake and absolutely in the here and now real time and not trying to access another dimension but rather dealing with here and now news and issues. I was pleased, very pleased because this guaranteed that I had established such a rapport with the spiritual reality so that it had instant access to me, there must be some kind of a signal that says, “this guy is safe to visit” and they were reading those signs and coming to me, that was magnificent, and there was no hard work on my part, more magnificent!
The next night at about 1am, Domaine was sound asleep, I prepared to meditate having made sure to rid myself of bodily waste, it seems spirits prefer empty bellies and intestines, perhaps so as not to struggle with biological processes for attention.
I went into my meditation chamber, which incidentally is cold, dark and has a cement floor; so it might be ideal for spirits which may have an easier time flowing through colder environments; though the room, due to our prime restaurant and nightclub location, was still incessantly disturbed by car alarms, police sirens, noisy drunks, boomers blasting music, noisy children, barking wild dogs, and cats scratching at the door. Still it was my meditation chamber much in the same way that other peoples houses have home offices and family game rooms and TV rooms. I could imagine a future in which the meditation room will be included in the design of every new home.
I was preparing to adjust to the coldness, laying on the bed, flat on my back facing the sky, when a spiritual essence, quickly noted its presence, this it did by touching the back of my head, then by caressing the right side of my rostrum; nothing uncommon.
I asked a general set of questions which I have standardized upon, “Are you a relative?” “Do you need me to do something for you?” “Will you share your awareness with me?” “Is there any point in asking these questions?” “Why do you bother coming to me just to feel and yet say nor do anything spectacular, isn’t this boring for you?” etc…
Then after the questioning, knowing that I am not going to get any answers, I act out a “sorry to bother you with my inconsequence.” And the essence, regardless of which, continue to disappoint me. After a little frustration I lean into the universe and forget everything and stare at a whiteness or darkness that permeates my mind’s eye.
This night however would be just a little different as all the others but with a more disturbing conclusion. The essence that came to me was not singular, there could have been as many as seven or eight in the room, though there was one, which I baptized “Intensity” as she seemed as impatient as myself and as oddly interested in me as I was in them.
I laughed cautiously aloud, and said, “express yourselves to me, materialize, I might be a little afraid but not much and will deal with whatever, materialize.” Sure enough the room filled with the essences of these beings, and so I asked whom they were, and Intensity put herself right to my face, as if saying, “How dare you ask that?” And equally despondently saying, “Why do we bother with these things?”
Indeed I sensed a certain superiority in their part, something which I had not felt from other spirits, there seemed to be some form of physicality to them, even kinetic thinking, yes that is right I detected that they were thinking, spirits never appear to think or judge so these beings had a cruder essence, more like ours, and still they had a spiritual presence and they did seem to talks amongst themselves, and one thing was clear they wanted to deal with my essence.
It is then that Intensity, put it to me that they were in fact physical and not spiritual beings, that they were, the 7 or eight or so that were in my chamber, from another planet, and lived light years away from us. That their equivalent of our space program was to put individuals into contemplative states, where they would transcend physicality and travel as hyper-beings, in essence, throughout the universe. They were then all in a the same chamber, back in their planet, all concentrating their energies upon earth so as to visit, study, learn and know about us.
At some level they also indicated that they could manipulate us humans through their combined meditation, so that in a sense they were not just observing but, through a telekinesis that arched over space-time, manipulating our actions as part of some transcendental experiment. Oddly, throughout this engagement Intensity kept a very focused gazed towards me, and maintained little distance between my face and her projected intensity.
I told the cosmic travelers that I had no problem with them experimenting on me, that I would be a willing guinea pig, that I was bored with human existence, that I would find it interesting being an official and willing lab rat. Overall they took it well, they seemed to confer about the implications of what I had said, and they seemed convinced that we should continue to explore each other, though I would be at a primate disadvantage.
Actually I always wondered if our cats learned anything from us, or if monkeys learned or became more aware after their encounters with scientists, I guess now, somewhat morbidly humorous I would get an answer to my question from a most unusual perspective.
These being that traveled the universe in some kind of an, in unison-meditation and thus appeared as spirits, even as they were not, continued to feel me and only me, in other words they were not interested in the room or the items in it, simply me, after a while, I was rather tired of feeling them but getting nothing in return, so I told them I was going to sleep, that they could feel free to stay with me if they so wished, but that I was in need of sleep. I went back to bed and they did not appear to follow me.
Now I come to the awareness that some where in the universe, physical alien civilizations, travel through space in a sort of meditative communed state, where they can transcend distances and behave similarly to spirits but still with their born limitations. They are indeed not spirits, they are physical beings, that was made clear to me from their spirited thoughts that had elements of thinking and critique, which I had not felt or observed from genuine spiritual beings.
The question that I was left with is: “When these physical beings unite so as to generate a contemplative essence that may review the surrounding universe, is the joined production a combination of their souls or is it a material essence that is able to project and circumvent space and time dimensions as an astral traveler?
Certainly there was something very different about them as pure spirits they were not; and certainly they broke wide open the idea that there are indeed “spiritual like essences” which though may well behave similar to spirits are actually generated by a concentrated intensity of will power. This as opposed to spiritual beings which are merely spirits by default and theoretically have no other aspect of being.
After realizing this distinctions and feeling some what cheated by the fact that there are metaphysical travelers that are of a material nature, I went into a conflict of whether or not to include this passage in this book, as my intent here is merely spiritual habitations and I was not expecting to stumble into material habitations. More it seemed to me that the reader would feel just as cheated as I felt; when we go into the spiritual world to find a greater reality that then shows us a more advance civilization using a concentrated mind’s eye as a means of space travel and exploration.
But then I thought I have to continue being true, I have to say what I have felt and let the reader feel cheated or more aware or whatever, and so I included this report, knowing full well that it will deter some from continuing and leave others back where we started. I will continue as the avatar that I started as but now the possessions might be from something as near as my next door neighbor or an accidental monk in Bhutan or a bunch of meta-“cosmicnauts” and we must live with that.
14 I Want To Die
It was 430 or so AM. I had not managed my 1am time where I like to go into my contemplative state. I suddenly woke up as if something had called me, I got up from the bed and walked straight into the meditation chamber ignoring my full bladders demands for immediate release. I just could not be bothered with bodily functions when some essence had seen fit to wake me up and call upon me.
I laid on the chamber’s bed and it took about ten, fifteen minutes to make contact with the essence, part of the problem being the full bladder that was equally demanding my attentions. But when the essence came to me and started pulsing through my body that was a good and great experience, the harmonics were consistent, not powerful but strong and with very small periods of intermission, normally it appears that spirits must reenergize and so there is a lull in their energy in-between pulsing through my body. This particular energy was more persistent and rather than wither entirely it would simmer within me, retaining a certain low level pulse and then a rush of energies would once again squander in rippling wave formations throughout my body.
I asked again the normal boring questions that never get answered, and then, out of pure frustration, frustrations that comes my way because I am tired of feeling and feeling the same repetitive body energizing forces without any significant progress, the earthly me wanted some new awareness, something that would indicate that there was enlightenment or something significant happening as caused by the spirits habitations; but it gets ridiculously boring and it loses novelty when the spirits just keep on doing the same thing over and over again, pulsing energy every night can be just as boring as the same old sitcom. So I asked the spirit to do something innovative to join me in causing some innovative effect, I explained to the spirit essence that I was into dramatics, part of my human folly.
The spirit did not respond but rather kept on doing the same thing at which point I explained that I was going to sleep as I was bored senseless. I did manage to sleep for a bit, maybe all of an hour or more, and then was awakened by another spirit essence, this one was more interesting, it told me to listen to it, to listen that it wanted to tell me something. People you have to understand that it is very hard to listen to spirits, there is no particular way that they communicate, there isn’t some obvious manner, you get an occasional image, where you always worry if you were manufacturing it or if it really did come from them, but images are easier than listening for coherent sounds that form without pausing for the ear or catering to ambient sonics. Yes the spirits dully will make a noise against a wall to bounce into you or if you simply asked them to notify you that they are there, they will make little noises here and there and near your ear whispers; but coherent speech is not something that happens externally, they speak from within, the speak in a large voice that exceeds your mental storage, the sound bytes are too large to be coherent, you cannot reduce a sound from the universal horns so that it becomes discernable, it is too large, but occasionally you do hear a clear word, you don’t hear it clear it but the shadow of the word is discernable enough that you can make out the gurgled sound and turn it into something valid.
And so it happened that this spirit uttered the words “listen, listen” and I pegged myself to my neurons so that they would hear the slightest noises and tune out the obvious ones, and sure enough there it came, “I want to die.”
“I want to die.” That is what the spirit uttered in long and paused inhabited words, spoken a sort of slow motion as might be perceived due to the distances between the essence and I. And that is when I came upon my new revelation, the spirit wasn’t talking to me from the nether, nether he wasn’t talking to me from another planet or galaxy, he was talking to me from earth, from the here and now, and he was alive and also in a contemplative meditation where he was apparently telling the universe of his plans to strategize his own death; he was basically calling on the universe to pull the plug, he thought his time was up. The resonating “I want to die.” Entered the ether and that is where I picked it up and of course I wasn’t sure what to do with that little bit of information, but the interesting thing here was that this would be the second time that I had made contact with some one on earth, as earlier you people will recall another human had told me: “I am going to die.” And that implied still living in the here and now, and so there you have it.
The significance of this is that apparently we can channel ourselves through physical existence in much the same way that we metaphysically travel through the cosmic essences; I thus deduced that there was some tiny little worm hole that transcended the distance between this, apparently suicidal human being and myself. This made me pay more attention and as good fortune would have it an image came to me of the local supermarket, from the point of view of the person that was somewhat conversing with me. It was a clear image and more magnifying is that I was seeing it through his eyes. The conclusion from this was that he was from my neighborhood and so not wormholing through vast distances but rather from the local vicinity; and that made my night most interesting indeed.
Perhaps because now I was able to see the world somewhat through his eyes I personalized his death wish and I told him, “no don’t think like that, I don’t know what your life is like but something in it must still be unresolved for you to have this death wish.” And so I told him to hold out a little longer and asked “How can I recognize you? … Where have I seen you?” of course no concrete answers came to that; but overall I was very pleased with the new experience. I had conclusively noted that there are physical contacts that can occur in a metaphysical plane, and I had indeed felt a tiny wormholing connection, that is a dimensional transcendental movement that siphoned the consciousness of one individual towards another, and that was all magnificent.
15 Energized Assumptions
Many days passed and I could not establish any spiritual receptions, this gave me time to ponder if there was indeed an optimum time for receptions or if spiritual access was optimized for 24 hour by 7 day access. It wasn’t. If you took me out of the equation, that is assumed that the problem wasn’t with my concentration and meditations, that there wasn’t something in me presenting obstacles to bridging into soul worlds, then you would still conclude that for some reason we have more access at certain times.
After much attentiveness to the matter, though not in the way a researcher might experiment, I came to an uneducated but intuitive conclusion: spiritual habitations are optimized and have the greatest possible reception between 1am and 3am. In short that is when I found ample spirits, where if one would leave my body another would arrive within instants and thus my conclusion.
It could be that sunlight is as bad for spirits as it is for vampires. One has to assume that spiritual energy while operating at close to the speed of light must be feeble, part of the matter being that in order for energy to subsist on virtually no consumption it has to equally not interact with most matter in any significant manner. It could eventually be found that souls are largely composed of anti-neutrinos, a sort of other dimensional particle that could at times flash its existence into this world. Or equally it could be composed of dark photons, particles yet to be named and discovered. But clearly we have I think ample evidence to conclude that souls must quantify insignificant amounts of energy and thus are easily repelled by other energy manifestations and not excluding moonlight.
I have also concluded though with absolutely no evidence, its just a hunch of a conclusion that spirits utilize sentient-corporeal beings to reenergize themselves or to skip across a universe or a room. Perhaps that is how they change direction or come to an vibrating halt. It seems that they can use us mortals like telephone poles to swing around from one dimension or state to another. This is only a hunch but I sensed, at least with those willing to possess me, that they were regenerating and had only bursts energy capability, they were often gasping for energy, and I could sense that they were pausing to rest so as to conjure greater disposability of what tiny quanta they could muster; further it was evident that they were harvesting some minor quantities of energy from me, where my neurons were the ones that were working harder to manifest their presence and I considered the option of drinking more lemon juice to ease their conductivity towards an energized assumption.
16 Someone called Alicia in a Preamble to Reincarnation
I want my readers to know one thing, you may or may not want to believe me all I ask is that you believe in the sincerity of these pages; specially in the one that follows as it is even difficult for me to believe it and not to wander what I have had in manufacturing it. Still I write it so as to be true to what I was perceiving; however it could be that I am some lunatic or that I am equally tapping into some obscure reality that is as difficult to believe as it is to access which makes it all the more challenging to disrobe.
Again I was having very little spiritual activity to the point that I was becoming upset about it and pondering if I could ever again feel spiritual essences as vividly as I had experienced in earlier trappings. Part of the problem had to be my incessant financial difficulties and normal everyday obstacles which constantly contrive to cause everything to trip one up so that something else can get in the way. Existence after all is largely sustained by an absence of dynamic, humanity is a colossus traffic jam where the soul is not allowed to fly and thus materializes. And it was prepared to surrender my incessant attempts at spiritual manifestations that I entered my meditation chamber.
I had a considerable amount of nervous energy and I could feel my synapses arching sugar storms all over my body, restless I tossed myself into coerced breathing exercises and into calling the spirits with too much gusto. I don’t think the spiritual world likes to be shouted at but that is what I was doing, shouting, demanding attention and getting almost none. A spirit came by looked me up and down and felt enough repulsion to leave, a couple of others fleetingly buzzed through me on their way to something else, the lack of containment was further frustrating me, I finally decided to go to sleep as I was too tired to continue.
When I awoke it was due to a feather light energy touching me, it was a child, no more than five years old, I asked her name multiple times and received no response, the energy was having a very difficult time maintaining contact with me, perhaps it was as immature at this as I was but eventually I was able to coax a name, her name was Alice.
Alice had been killed by some savaged human being somewhere in The United States. I was not able to ascertain the region but I was able to see that she had been buried underneath a dilapidated trailer home. She had been savagely attack and the image that came into my mind’s eye was one of her blond-brownish hair, shoulder lengths, blue eyes, white pretty flesh, and her arms were visible through a prairie white dress coated with lightly patterned blue flowers, thin arms visible to the bone, the bones were protruding, she had obviously suffered intense pain before collapsing.
I was able to discern that she might not be completely dead but maybe buried alive when indeed she had gone into a comma. She insisted that she wanted my help though I was not sure what I could do, I would attempt an internet search to see if I could generate any associations but I didn’t expect that I would be so lucky as to pinpoint her parents or her location. More or less I expected her to die without coming out of her comma and further I postulated that there was nothing else to do.
She was rather nice company and I enjoyed sensing no anxious energies within her, even as she had apparently suffered greatly at the hands of some indolent she maintained an unusually calm manner and we were able to toss energies back and forth where it was certain that we had significant two way interaction even as we understood very little of it all.
From the good feeling that I got I decided to ask her if she still wanted to exist in this cruel world and she pulsed in the affirmative. I told her that I could not guarantee that I would be a good father, that it was more likely that I would be overly protective and as a result a psychological neutering father, she seemed to like me too and she discarded my fears of fatherhood as unjustified by what she actually sensed about me.
In the process I asked her to try and stay within me so that I could leave the meditation chamber and proceed to the master bedroom where my wife and potential mother could be introduced to her. Alicia, most surprisingly did in fact stay within me, this was manifested by pulses that would rush through my body as requested by me as proof that she was still there. I pulled the covers over me and laid next to my wife and introduced Alicia to her.
Alicia didn’t question that my wife would be a lovely mother, there is something in Domaine that is crazy enough to surmount average existence and put all those around her into some mystical and captivating orbit, and yet she is down to earth, there she sustains herself with harmony in all worlds even as her innards might be going thorough Venusian storms from feeling too much.
Alice was immediately kind and accepted that we could have her as a daughter which threw me into the quandary of how to decide this for myself and more problematic how to tell my wife or to keep it from her. And what if I was all wrong about all my perceptions? Or what if another entity determined to be born into this here life would intercept Alice and supplant her baby birth?
I asked Alice to stay within me, which I now suppose she is, unless she cannot help herself, I think it is a first for me to have a spirit habituate within me kangaroo like, though I was once regularly possessed by the spirit of a pig or a pig like spirit but that wasn’t interactive and pig did pretty much what pig wanted to do. In this case Alice and I had a relationship, maybe even a father and daughter relationship, we are a preamble to the circumstances of her reincarnation.
17 Water as a conductor and spirits against but...
As things have been brewing between the spirits and I have decided to keep the hours of my mediations within the proximities of 1am. This adds a degree of predictability of when they may intersect me if such things matter to them. As always I was just trying to make things easier by adding some elements of consistency so that the largely incoherent would have some thing to grip.
As I had mention I thought lemon juice being a good sparker of electricity should have some appealing properties and so last night going on a simple hunch I drank a large dose of water, just plain H2o then I walked into the meditation chamber.
This night I was to receive two interesting lessons. First the water was a successful addition to the meditation though not an essential and hardly one that constitutes repetition though I will probably do it every now and then.
A spirit of some sort quickly took to the water in my system and begun swimming throughout my body much as a water moccasin. Reeling itself here and there and everywhere it went the length of my intestines, it did not however go below the waist, thus it seemed stuck in the region relegated to water processing within my intestines; though at some point this water moccasin went right to my heart, swum around it, it could feel like a worm wrapping itself around it, and then swum back towards less intimidating regions.
I had thought of asking this water moccasin spirit to check out my heart but I had reason to believe than an earlier spirit that had caused a considerable amount of heart displeasure and left it all sore had indeed gripped any heart disease from it; evidence that the symptoms related to angina were had vanished, though I say this with some caution because the absence of something does not equally deny the presence of that something.
The water moccasin was a lot of fun I enjoyed it a lot, even smiled through the whole event specially because I was tracking the creature through the noises it caused as it swum squirting water pressures and bubbling that would surge through my flesh as rippling noises of liquid slushiness.
After a while either the water moccasin or I got tired of each other and I moved on so as to search for my next spirit. This took all of maybe ten minutes and the spirit that came was rather dull and held much of its energy in my legs. I have noticed this of many, what I assume to be low energy spirits, that they have to hang around the legs, I don’t know what this is so, it just is. And having a spirit pulsing through my legs I opted to ignore it so that it would go away and this it did and I started searching for my third spirit of the evening.
Fortunately this night the spirit fishing was good and I was able to detect another spirit that was intense and truly wanted to establish a common rapport. I should pause here to tell you that Alicia did not return or had not stayed with me through to the next night, so far have managed to get a spirit to stay with me from my meditation chamber to the master bedroom but not beyond that. And with the exception of a pig, pig spirit that was a misunderstood and unwanted possession of younger years, I have not managed to get a spirit to become a carry on, some one that you can play with while you are waiting for the train or at the doctors office.
The spirit that came to me refused to give itself a name, did not even flash imagery through my frontal lobe, it registered pulsing intensity throughout my body and it had plenty of burst and steady energy, I was most pleased and overjoyed by the intensity. I was however puzzled that no special images came to me and though great in intensity the overall feelings of the spiritual essence throughout my body were very much similar to others that I have felt, thought there intensity rating is second to a greater intensity that I once had while in California.
The California incident was where I genuinely started my habitation acknowledgement, all because, one early morning the spirit of a cat came to purr next to me. After that I had a few habitations at a different location but one evening a spirit took possession and would not go away, this particular essence was rather robust, like having a football player inside of you, not pleasant, the bulkiness the mastodon primal form was too much for me, and it was heavily pulsing within me and intent on staying there, I pinched myself, I walked around the room, I splashed myself with water, I hugged my wife, and the damn thing would not go away, this lasted for a couple of hours till by some good fortune the thing did go away leaving none of its murky feelings behind.
That was a first intensity level of experience, last night was the second strongest though the spiritual essence would have left at any time and indeed did after I noted that I was to sleepy to continue the transmissions. Part of the reason why I voluntarily ended the habitation was to feel a certain sense of control, my human side wanted to say there is a harvest of spiritual expressions and I am not going to be a glutton nor attach myself to any particulars. I was of course honest with the spirit, it doesn’t seem like you can lie to them, and I noted that I was cutting out because I was tired and couldn’t muster more energy for the continued intensity.
However before I called the habitation to an end this spirit that would not name itself and would not challenge me with any images did ask me to change positions from my typical prostrated habit, as I thought that spirits favored such, and asked me to sit up on the bed, which I did. And remarkably this changed what were vibrating pulsing energies to solid wave forms running throughout my body. Rather than feeling a tingling and inconsistent rippling sensation I felt a magnificent intensity without pauses throughout, as if the energy waves that were going through me were too large to crest and fall within the length of my continuity in space time.
It was of course a new revelation or a new way of feeling spiritual energy and best as I could tell it only occurred due to my change in position. At some point during that firmly intense consistency the spirit told me to stop using but in my writings. I was kind of surprised by that interesting message, the spirit had taught me a new way to feel but I didn’t feel the grammar teacher there, and yet this essence had connected to my writings and opted to advice me that the word but, but, was too much everywhere.
I would of course have to think about that but that is all for now.
18 The silence that hears
In the reflections of a long night that sneaks into the morning one spirit habitation after the next and so on boringly so; one starts to imagine what their world is like and one falls mute, not a mental voice sparked, not cavernous echoes, just long drawn out silences where spirits can walk on them and you can hear them.
You come to realize that there are indeed spiritual energies that have never known existence, that they are not curious about it, that they want to remain formless, that they inhabit a kind of spiritual path that crawls the metaphysical plain without aspirations, longings and despair; yes they pass through you as they skip across the sentient rocks on the river of life, they even breath in your ear and steal a little of your saliva and darkened your irises but they don’t want to manifest themselves beyond that, these are mostly the spirits that have inhabited my contemplations.
There are others, others that seem more dangerous, others that seem that they have acquired definition, character and angst, I am sure that they have been alive at some point, you can feel their sense of self, they even have names, they even bother to tell you their names, these predefined essences want you to know they are there, they even walk all over you when you don’t want them too, they don’t mind minding your essence, in them you can see human characteristics, you can recognize them with such tools as fear and trepidation, you can even welcome their humor, and you can sense congeniality and friendship.
But I have not managed to get beyond that, I haven’t managed to pull through something divine, I have felt sexual and sensual and ephemerally overjoyed, but I haven’t felt divineness nor angelic manifestations. In some sense I am happy that it is that way until I learn to comprehend what is really happening in my contemplations of those altered dimensions. In other ways I am bored, every night the same thing, and lately I am the one that turns the attentions off. I want more but I don’t know where that more will take me. I continue to ponder if my increased awareness of the spirit world is changing my local and terrestrial self; I keep an eye on myself, I have noticed a kind of personal isolation rigging itself, and some thoughts that seem too solid for my comfort, other times I noticed a tendency to anger faster and even a violent streak arising, it is as if I were getting more defiant of life.
Why just the other night I asked the spirits “what if I were ready to die?”
They pulsed through me in that way that tells you that they are enjoying the ride too much and don’t want it to be canceled just yet. But my more defiant self manifesting itself must imply some kind of disruption with normal life. Also at some point you feel that these spirits riding one’s essence turn the self into a worn rental horse.
I am feeling like a rented horse.
There is however a new harmony that is making me feel very good about myself, and it has to be with movements, I feel like I am floating through a sort of special dance, a ballet of sorts though not as rigorous, more like a Hindu dancer, I have many arms and they float through the ether and touch currents that are then set off into the cosmic essence as stirred by me.
It is not however reassuring as the spirits that I experience never have definite form, they are all amorphous energies that change shape and form and none suffer from a single straight line, nor does the size of their mass remain consistent, it grows to the size of the room and it gets tiny to enter through ears my essence.
Also in learning to see their amorphous masses they have instructed me to remain off center, the universe is kept at an equilibrium because it is discombobulated, the asymmetry off the universe creates a stasis that allows things to touch and to exist, it is why I may feel them and why I may see them through the corners of existence and never directly, you have to be off kilter, there has to be an imbalance for you to touch another essence, otherwise the inherent symmetry and consistency of sentient essence would blur and seem from end to end like a never ending fog.
I had not written about the spirits for a while now, partly because I had been sporadic in my spiritual wonderings and partly because I was bored with the same reoccurring spirit soundings. There was nothing to report, yes, one night I did get rather scared because the spirit was rather intense and did not give me any clues as to its essence and I suspected a bit of darkness and so I called off the session by living the meditation chamber.
So nothing worthy of additional note, but I do find it interesting that they are limiting themselves to my meditation chamber, when I trasfer to our master bedroom they don’t seem to follow. Yes occasionally there are whispers and some habitations but they are not significant in number, some how the spirits seem to appreciate the quiet solace of my cold meditation chamber, a bedroom with no rug that leans into a concrete patio, where from the center of our building spirals upwards, to form a sort of cold wind chamber.
Last night or more accurately earlier this morning mother visited me. She came calling my name, “Ricardo… …Ricardo… Ricardo.” I detected her sweet musical voice, she was a singer, dancer composer and so easily recognizable was her voice thus when I heard it I didn’t have to strain my cognition to make it out.
She sort of danced her soul essence all around me, and then told me that she was fine, as I had asked such question, and then proceeded to feel me within and to demonstrate a displeasure of the state in which she found me. It did not help that I had been wine drunk, a difficult and obtainable physical state, and so she ran around with what seem some whaling distressing over my condition. It even seemed that she attempted to partially cure my insides and she might have felt a little better for it, but I didn’t really notice anything.
I think mom was happy that I was tuning in to the spirit world and she was a little surprised as I don’t think she suspected that I had the patience for long listening, but I could sense she was pleased for it.
I was just glad to touch her, she hadn’t come to me and now she was there, we did not manage more conversation than that, she just flirted with the ambience and then she went off to her dimension without so much as a good bye or a more appropriate see you later.
20 Jelly Beans & Astros
I have not wanted to report on matters that were not relevant or that were redundant and now I come with something new though I am not sure of its significance. Not sure of its significance to you or to me.
As I had not made any significant progress with the spirits I felt a little out of touch so I begun to wonder how many people were touching spirits, and really I hoped not many so as to feel special. This was important because I knew that regardless of my ineffectiveness the spirits were trying to realize some kind of communication and I suspected that if I didn’t deliver they would just hop on to some one else.
How many people could I imagine were listening for spirits?
How many people could possibly be meditating trying to contact the universal with an ohm?
Could spirits sublimate a contact, that is force someone to speak on their behalf even if the person was not a willing contact?
Or more interesting could spirits be possessed by other spirits? That is, could the spirit claiming to be my mother be another?
And then there were the natural psyches, how many of them could there be?
All of these were in competition with me, and further I concluded that sense I was a very normal and average guy that there had to be a silent army of spiritual contactors and so I was one in the lot, a period piece in the period.
The inferences here are not really important, anything that I concluded I had already regarded as irrelevant us I could not count upon evidence confirming anything, further I was of the opinion that there were plenty of spirits for us all, considering for instance that more people have lived and died than are alive, the incessant recreation of humankind speaks of abundant soul life, children are born and are aborted both in huge quantities but they don’t stop coming due to an insufficiency of souls.
The thing was that the more I thought that the more I was coming under the conclusion that we were some kind of representation of the spirit world, and as such some dwindled down had to take place. Why were souls willing to be born? Why did they want to touch the material world? How many of them, where do they come from, what are there aspirations?
These questions had no answers, but one thing was certain souls were and are communicating with us, and perhaps there is such a thing as a group of souls running the world from above.
21 Voices in the Garden of the Mind
The possessions of the night last were of incredible volume, girth and potency where I now feel wholly accepted by spirits as a one might feel about a good café, its fun to stop there, and so spirits come and flutter and spring and trounce all through me and I now just accept it as a matter of fact that I am not given to comprehend. After all what do they gain from it, best as I can tell, nothing. They don’t drain me of energy not do I appear changed by their visitations, we just have coffee together and that’s very much that.
The problem is that they are talking to me, and may in fact be partly the cause of a series of energy surges that have been wrecking appliances about the house. This even as living in a third world country makes for incessant energy surges anyways. But as I was saying, the problem is that they are talking to me, and far too much and many voices at the same time and so I don’t know what to make of what nor if the voices are actually the production of my own imagination.
The voice says, “I am the mother of someone you know.” Another voice calls out my fathers name, “Justino, Justino, Justino Correa.” You can see how that might well be disturbing, but not as much as, “something bad is going to happen to you, I am sorry but something bad is going to happen to you.”
The voices vary from masculine to feminine and always hold a certain sense of longevity about their musical chords, they are long winded, and bounce within my brain much as a ball in closed metal chamber of bouncing cacophony.
It is far reaching to say I know anything from the voices, they might say things but they say nothing that I can discern, further I am hearing so many voices at once that I am closed to suspecting my own insanity. However all these doubts and questions make me a reasonable person and so I have opted to request that the spirits teach me how to hear them, and last night appears to have been my first lesson.
There is ringing and wind pulses in the ear, and the voices were all coming at once not as if they were in the ear canal but rather they are imprinted by the spirits precisely in my brain, thus it is not because I am able to hear that I can hear spirits but rather because I am able to think and the spirits just cause direct neuron activity to note the sounds, the sounds are then strictly in my head, someone in the same room would not hear them, and my ear, while used by spirits to announce their presence through varying noises, is not used when it comes to speech.
I am sensing that they are telling me that what I have to do is clear my head and listen through my frontal lobe, this apparently requires a great deal of concentration because I have not managed to stop all the voices from interfering with all the other voices, nor have I managed to grasp any genuine detail of their intent.
However I remain optimistic as the hearing of the voices is already substantial progress, and that pleases me as much as it confuses. It is very much fascinating to discover that the spirit world is like a noisy bar and you have to drown all the other sounds by yelling and hopping that two cresting waves cancel each other out and make the babbling third more audible.
22 Cosmically Intrinsic Wave Functions
I have noticed that while I am trancing with the spirits that they are silently guiding me closer to them, they are helping reach a state of greater comprehension and communication.
The first aspect is the breathing, it seems I reach a very comma like state, where my breathing is highly imperceptible, this even as I feel no shortage of oxygen, the condition is not one that I call about but rather it seems to be assisted into eventuating by an external cosmic force which somehow knocks me into it. The some what paralytic condition appears to allow a greater flow of energy between the spiritual realm and what I presume is the material realm dimension.
I have also begun to follow physical movements that are choreographed equally by some pattern outside of me, it is as if I was capturing the wave patterns of the ether or the Higgs field and following accordingly with my body, shoulder movements, arms and hands follow a very rhythmic and what appears a very spatially sustainable path, as if the universe intrinsically had waves at every level smoothing it and everyone in it throughout, silently, almost as if told by the cosmic my arms follow specific patterned undulations, the figure eight keeps on manifesting itself and none of the patterns are linear, they are all based largely on oval wave functions. Again the relevance here is that I am not a dancer, nor do I have rhythm or melody by nature, and yet while in meditation I do seem to capture a melodic wave pattern that is followed by my limbs, eyes, hips, head, etc.
Finally I am now convince that there is a dimension which I am touching that is not part whole of our dimension, it maybe interspersed with it, and this dimension is now allowing me to see particles streams, it may well sound crazy and I don’t expect anyone to believe it, but during daylight I am able to see streaming particles dashing past at phenomenal velocities, I cannot keep up with then, but I can see the stream, occasionally the particles appear to cross paths or divert direction but in general the stream has one predominant direction and it is only isolated particles that divert, but they are insignificant, and one can see them angularly crossing the stream. There is no reason to suppose that they are colliding, the stream is composed of infinitely small particles and they do not appear to inflict collisions on one another, at least I haven’t observed any, even so the velocity of their travel is such that collisions if they are occurring ought be perceptible to me.
The above field of particles, I think might be part of the field that I am able to sense as energy coming from my palms, the soles of my feet and my frontal lobe; I am able to radiate some kind of energy, the energy is external but I can embroiled it with my fingers and palms to acquire a manipulatable form, I think this might be what scientists refer to as the Higgs field, I believe this because it acquires mass if it is stirred in just a certain manner, I am able to duplicate this with ease, and you can even feel it in the palms of others that come into contact with one but not if they don’t, that is it manifest itself through presence either of mind or subject emotion.
I shall not draw any further conclusions for you here, these are the things that I have felt lately, I am getting closer to something, I don’t know what it is nor if it will welcome me when I reach it.
23 Cold eyes
As I have mentioned earlier I have become a conduit of some sort or more likely a skipping stone to and from somewhere for the spirits. Besides the cold eyes and the usual strolling wave contortions that travel through my body I think I have managed to generate a field of awareness, an awareness of spirit grid that apparently surrounds me and catches the glimpses of spirits passing by.
While a spirit is passing through my area it some how gets slowed by its transference through the grid of spiritual awareness that may emanates from me, this light spirit essence drags in the spatial reference and I am able to track its movement through the ether.
The odd thing is that spirits normally don’t have form, you visualize, through a cold eye feeling an amorphous essence that is see through, colorless and that whisk itself through matter with ease, however on this night a long, very long red, very red sea horse like creature tranced through the ether above me, and I felt the certainty of its form more I felt the color, I did not see the creature but I did feel it as if in three dimensions and four if you count its transition of about 3 or 4 seconds as time.
Normally when spirits show me there self essence it is as an image in my mind’s eye, this image can be a two dimensional frame, like a picture, or a hologram like assemblage but the point is that they are projections, that is not the essence itself, it is as if the spirits were saying look here I am showing you something that looks like me and indeed could be me but is not me. However the long red sea horse was indeed the long and firm essence of the a red spirited sea horse. In other words as it was passing through the grid of my spiritual awareness red not only manage to enter a drag phase through its trajectory in dimensional space but also allowed me to see form and essence directly, I witness a spirit pass through my turf.
It was magnificent.
24 The form of form
I some times wonder why my cats are separated from me, how is it that they infuse themselves with the separation of what they are with what I am, even as we are so emotionally together that I depend in them for immense tenderness and companionship while they depend on me for food and fifteen minutes of heavy petting.
When my cat Lolita sits on my lap she is doing so by virtue of the fact that her atoms are willing to create a separation between her and I. Yet it must also be clear that as far apart as we are we are equally more so together, the interconnectedness of our relationships is far beyond our scope, we love each other, I love Lola and she loves me, and we both act as best as we can towards the other, always.
But then it occurs to me, what is it that makes a some energy composition reject the advances of another that is not the obvious electrodynamics’ interference? Or and also what composes the nucleus of the energy that holds a disparate or a whole sentient essence together?
That is to say are the atoms that hold my Lolita together composed of some external force that binds them as one cat? Or at the atoms that hold Lolita together held as such by some assumption that is made by the universe about her energy composition?
And then I think only one question has to be answered to reach some sort of ideal truth in this matter, we don’t have to fuss over atomic resistances, the weak the strong force don’t matter, gravity doesn’t matter for as a unifying force it only adds to the problem, but there is one significant question that has the benefit that if it is answered, whatever the resulting truth the rest don’t matter:
“Is a spiritual essence moving through the ether as a singular entity or is it traveling as a constituency of entities that are held together by some unifying principle as one?
Let me explain, you and I are a singular entity, if we are traveling through water all of our constituent parts must travel together and not as separate entities. One of my arms cannot take a separate route from my legs, nor can they be divided up and then rejoined, so obviously the essence that defines my existence requires that all my general biological elements be held together as one.
However, as I have experienced spirits appear to be able to travel right through a wall without much trouble and without taking consideration of the physical and elemental components of the structure. That implies that the entity is a recombinant-fluid essence, if one of its parts is dislocated and severed from its other constituent parts, the mutual relationship is not alterable and so they reconstitute themselves easily enough across barriers and dimensions.
My experience tells me that spirits appear to have the ability to transfer themselves across physical space and including time barriers without energetic disassociation. That is to say that they are always in touch with all aspects of their constituent parts even if those parts are briefly separated by matter, space or time.
Picture if you will a spirit that is able to travel through the ether in-between the atoms or even their subcomponents, the proton, the electron, this essence would just slid across any binary of obstacles but it would have to undulate and morph so as to accomplish travel between two points as a snake might through water.
However if all parts were self referential, that is they held a catalog of all other parts and their whereabouts and what constitutes a whole, then you would have something very interesting, a creature that could go through a wall, through your flesh, even a creature that could be in two places at once, even as at a referential level it was truly only one entity.
My immediate intuition tells me that this is the case, spirits have not so much amorphous characteristics but rather characteristics that share a referential association and do not consider themselves as parts but rather the whole and only the whole and so behave accordingly.
The whole entity can then go through a wall of varying material substance and make it through to the other side as the same entity even as some parts might take longer for having to travel through a greater mass or/and curvature of space-time.
What is relevant here is that something else is holding them together, what associates them together has to be something that catalogs the universe in some kind of predetermined awareness, perhaps it is this predetermined awareness that functions as knowledge in our more primordial surroundings.
25 “Adore me! Adore me!”
There is not much other fuzz to make of it, in one of my most starling and moving spiritual moments, a spirit interrupted everything I was thinking, and entered a fully dimensional feminine face through my cheek and into my mouth cavity and screamed, “Adore me! Adore me!”
The energy was not subtle or careful at all, it uttered those words with clear and expressive emphasis and then it stayed within my body rhythmically vibrating every aspect of it, and this it maintained for about fifteen minutes to a half hour.
I don’t know what to make of it, the face was well defined, bonny, stretched skin, large cavernous eyes but it was no one that I recognized; yet the intensity of the entrance certainly marks one of the strongest and most felt spiritual encounters I have enjoyed.
Also I ought note that curiously, the spirit essence entered with furious velocity, and not only was it obvious when it crossed my left cheek into my mouth cavity but oddly and for the first time, I saw electrical discharges cross my eyes.
I don’t know what to make of it, but I adore that spirit for sharing its tempestuous magnificence with me.
I should also note that the night before this event I encountered troubling visceral pain that did not seem to be generated from within but rather by something that was altering my physical state in just such a way as to cause what was momentary but certainly intense pain.
The pained region could be specifically defined as the length of a meter stick throughout the right side of my body, and hurting for about 76 millimeters in width, it was a thin and long pain and though not more than two seconds of burst, very much evidenced by an acute overload of my pain sensors.
26 Planet Seeding
It is possible to deduce that spirits are creating the material world in much the same way we might want to establish a colony in Mars.
That supposition adds to the conundrum but it is plausible that the spirits read books to us, attempt to teach us how not to destroy each other, in our harsh new world, through some kind of moral code, and even worry that there might not be enough food supply in the here and now and so hope that we will advance our science sufficiently to move on to other environments.
However they could equally be losing control of the colonists they sent forth to explore the material in much the same way that Europe lost its subjects in the Americas. A great sea is not as great a barrier as a great dimension. When a spirit puts on the human biologic-suit to enter the material world they may have to forget they are first and foremost from the spirit realm and thus they start behaving more as corporeal creatures and lose contact with their cosmic essence.
It begs the question: “can we live free of our spiritual essence?” Is there autonomy from the spirit world, can we supplant our inner soul with something else? And if we do what are the repercussions, is a purely material being ultimately callous and self defeating?
Perhaps in some distant future the spirit world is going to come to attempt to reach us with all its divine purity and we might be the first colonists that would be far better served by losing to our spiritual past than to go forth to create a greater material world.
The idea of humans being colonists from the spiritual world is probably just that, a human idea; but more and more I ponder why spirits bother themselves so much with us little people.
It is a strange name, I admit it but it is not like I make them up as I go along, Betany, interesting name indeed, she is not however kind or generous nor a nice person, a bitter person yes, a person without a face, a person without a cause, and a person to make things worse, and to add to her cause, I could very well tell that she didn’t like me, it wasn’t that she was picky it was that she didn’t like anyone.
Someone or some event disfigured her face, she didn’t have a face, here nor in the spirit world.
She came to me through a cacophony of sounds that become in their own right impossible to distinguish, her voice was thus indistinguishable and I was only able to discern her by the most careful observations, she didn’t like me, she wanted to hurt me but she didn’t have any hurting left in her to accomplish; she had done enough harm some place else; besides that we didn’t like each other.
All I had was this image of a faceless skinny woman, only the levels of heat radiation enemating from her complexion, you could see where she was hottest, where she was coldest and where she was in-between. Nothing else, severely scarred, it didn’t sound from things heard and things understood that she had had it easy or that accident had not favored her. She had suffered a great deal; however she was no longer suffering – now she wanted to hurt and to hurt.
I wasn’t into either and so her effect with me was minimal but I liked her, something about her was likable.
She attempted to make me feel bad about me, then she tried to make me feel bad about her and when she was done with that we started talking through the cacophony of sounds that permeate the spirit world from our angle.
The conversation wasn’t that interesting, we were trying to make contact and to assure ourselves that it all had some significance, it did. We were able to conclude that we had a lot in common, we were both disfigured by our existence, we both wanted to matter and we were both lost in our anger and our unique deviations.
We made a pact, and I think that is what is significant here, to keep in touch, I had never made any pacts with other spirits, this could be significant, I had agreed to partner up with a faceless and disfigured spirit named Betany, some how I felt it was now more personalable than my other experiences.
For three nights now Betany has touched me or watched me from a distance, I go into a room and know she is there; some times I worry about my human failings, what the vulgarity of my thoughts might twitch in her, others I realize that these spirits have not amply demonstrated greater wisdom but more folly.
I await the coming of night with eagerness.
On the fourth night, Betany came to me and introduced me to another companion soul, Elko. I didn’t perceive much about him but the two of them stayed with me for a considerable amount of the night, I don’t know if, through their doings, they were making me wiser or rearranging my destiny; I am very lost as to what it means to them and what if anything all this means to me.
28 An Apology
It came from a voice I dimply recognized from my childhood, a voice that would make my hair curl and my skin twitch a gravitational wave, it was the voice of our auntie babysitter and punishment queen, Benildita.
The voice was obviously hers, she said, “Ricardito” always using that sweet emphasis terminology “ito” which I have always despised “ita”!
Her claim for figuring so prominently in my life is that she loved to beat me up, she was a devout catholic and a virgin and very proud of not having been spoiled by any male and perhaps, because I was such a cute little boy, she beat me up to discourage herself.
Now, she called me from the spirit world and said, “Ricardito, I am sorry for what I did to you, sorry for all that, it wasn’t right, forgive me.”
I responded to her supplicant voice that I didn’t think I had the power to forgive, which may have been rather mischievous, but continued that as far as it was within my capacity she could count on my forgiveness.
Yes I know that was a corporate answer.
After my nights meditation with my auntie Benildita I took a very steamy shower, steam is magnificent, it gets into those hard to get into pores, and thus cleansed my inner being.
Our precious Loki Cat was within sight of the shower and chasing some thing in the air with all of his cat attributes. It was dazzling to watch such precocious pouncing, he was leaping and pawing at the moist air, pressing his body against the floor and the walls, slinking arcs with his raw feline essence.
Smiling within I wondered how many flies it took to make cat essence, how the cosmic energy aggregated and combined to make this amazing animal a cat, and not a bunch of maggots.
29 Karen and None Beings
While it has been many weeks of contact with various essences I have come to a kind of mud like essence world, where the essences there have no apparent definition, they don’t seem to know anything about themselves, they might even be curious as to what I am, they don’t represent any character type, and are generally dark and persistent and yet still pulsate strongly throughout the room and my body in total “absent”-mindedness.
It is a bit strange not to see any definitions, there are no mental images, the mind’s eye doesn’t detect anything either, my emotions do not pick up fear or tenderness, it is all blah. And so that is why I haven’t written very much till now as I now have to report on Karen.
Karen is apparently a psychic being, that is actually alive in some planet, could just as easily be in this one, and it is even more probable that it is this one. She is stuck to a bed, her entire body has a highly degraded biology and she is alive largely through incessant surgeries and is actually now in some kind of repose mode, waiting for some critical failure. She is at peace with herself and with her condition.
Her room is brightly lit, mostly hospital white, her bed metallic white yet accommodating whatever orientation Karen will prefer. She is pretty, reddish short thin hair, done in the way that all of it emancipates itself from her corona towards her face; her skin is pale white. She has reddish dark eyebrows and huge intense and gorgeous eyes, which might be blue though I am not sure.
She warmly smiled during our psychic reception, we interchanged each others thoughts, she too feels the spirit world and doesn’t feel alone at all, Karen likes the way she senses, she is trapped in her body, but is no invalid in her situation; this because she travels and touches spirits; apparently we somehow stumble into each others reception waves.
Her very sunny room comforted me for a good portion of my meditation session, I would hope that we maintain contact, but it will have to be up to her, as I don’t really understand much of what is happening much less how it happens.
One thing is becoming fascinatingly clear, there is definitely no time or space, I have been able to cover vast tracks of space, and felt that I have crossed boundaries of time only to come around over and over again to same positions. Something tells me that everything is either happening at once or repeating itself incessantly; but whatever it might be I have felt the circular nature of time, and I have felt its circumference small.
As for the phantom energies without definition, I think they are trying to define themselves, the spirit world is definitely an eclectic condition, and the phantom essences are not yet a part of it. All this could lead one to conclude that one stumbles into existence, and if so one could just as easily stumble out of it, that would explain the fear of transitional events such as death.
It might be too easy to slip into meaninglessness.
30 The center of a silence
It was the middle of the night, I wasn’t expecting anything unusual, my meditations were being kept to a minimal, I was busy with all the real world issues before me, laying on the bed, eyes wide open, when suddenly I felt the edge of a circle, there, everything immediately grew a space geometry of absolute silence; but only within the perimeter of the circle and then everything grew a simmering of extreme spatial perfection, as the circle continued to move into my space flat silence, I detected a central figure endowing the centric silent fabric, it was as if, and indeed it was that he had struck down his rod against the fabric of space, or better said, punctured something in space-time and made it all quiet, an absolute silence derived from him, he commanded space to be silent and flat around him, he walked past me, pausing briefly to look in my direction, he, the bishop of silence.
It was a unique moment, a unique feeling evolved within me, I had crossed the paths of some one that commanded silence, some one centered in deep unwrinkled meditation.
Where did he go?
Where did he come from?
Why was he so keen on absolute silence?
Did he mean to cross my path?
What did he tell me?
It was the most aesthetic movement in all of my meditations, I glimpsed at a perfection, there in that circle of silence.
31 Maria and Linda the Whale
I was awakened from a very deep sleep, some great discomfort in my testicles, I could feel that something was causing them excruciating discomfort but not pain, some one, whomever was grabbing at them, and yet not causing pain but simply great discomfort, as if they should unfold, as if they should be closer to my stomach or further away from my body, I attempted to feel them but there was nothing obvious holding them, it was inside of me, and any contortions that I made to try to reach a comfort zone or a more agreeable situation was not be had, then she identified herself as Maria. Spirit Maria had bothered to awaken me.
She didn’t say she was some kind of a sex spirit, but she obviously wasn’t some kind of stoic saint, she was more interested in my growing than in my brains, I am not saying that there is a fundamental difference between the two but one could surmise one, anyways, she came close to my face and sat on my stomach, there was energy collapsing between us and I felt her clearly alert to our mutual condition, an erection frolicked itself into sky vertical even as I wasn’t thinking anything sexual and more I was trying to deal with a situation.
Maria was naive to me, primal nice, I don’t know what we established or why we made contact, but clearly she was there, with me, and I liked that, once she let go of my balls she wasn’t so bad at all.
After Maria took her leave another spirit stopped by, a big eye came into my minds eye, a big and giant eye, and then I started to see things that look like cosmic dust, the milky way, and halos around cosmic gas formations, until further discernment made me realize that those things were jelly fish and a myriad of deep sea inhabitants, of many flavors which I did not recognize at first because I don’t know about fish I just eat fish. And then I realized that the spirit of a whale was meeting me in my mind’s eye, and she was letting me see how her world looked.
This was enchanting, I could not describe it lavishly enough, and the colors and images and the water everything was from her perspective, she even sang, and I named her Linda after hearing the songs. Linda and I sort of stayed together for what I termed to be a considerable amount of time, more than twenty minutes, and it was all about seeing the different aquatic creatures through some distant tunnel, as if they were part of Linda the whale’s eye membrane, as if the creatures that she ate, and I saw felt her and felt her swallowing into the cavernous depth of her body, wondering if they would ever reach a belly or an acid bath, one could live inside of her and never touch her flesh, Linda stayed with me an amazing portion of the night, her soul essence by my side, I pleaded her to forgive me for being part of the human race that was destroying her habitat, I don’t think she cared, she kept on smiling, I saw her big eye and her tiny long mouth smile, I still have her smile in my soul.
My heart tingles when I think of her.
32 Mother comes to mother me
In its on way it is perhaps one of the most disturbing experiences I have had, and to pronounce it I ended the spiritual transmission, I halted the voices, I turned the lights on and left them on for the rest of the night.
It all commenced with the calling, “my son” a long voice, stressed sharply, pouring into my ears with a sharp pitch that ached the eardrum, “my son” … “my son I am your mother, your mother, I am your mother.” The repetition was not puzzling, it seems there is a lot of repetition of voices and echoes when spirit talk is involved.
I think this is because there are two types of tonalities, one might be mental/emotional, what we feel and what we sense as a voice and then there is the one that we hear; the spirits are able to transfer all of those but in limited proportions, which is why all spirit communication appears gurgled, echoing all over, concentrating is required in order to discern any bit of it, and even then the interpretation might be suspect.
“How could you, how could you!” The voice was hysterical, crying with the voice but not with tears, “…after all that I have done for you, everything you do I have been there, I am your brightness, I am the one that makes you talk all that intelligent, and you spoil everything with your lack of discipline, you fail me, you fail me, after all I have done for you.”
This last sequence was sketched throughout a series of interrogations by me, I wont bother the reader with them, but basically I was questioning the subject about why I had failed her, I said sorry many times, I knew I was a bad son, I knew that I had never much defined my life, or thought a particularly dedicated purpose, she was right, and she didn’t want to forgive me, she wanted to scorn me and to say how badly I had failed her, and she wailed away in her frustrations; I came to tears, I begged her to understand that I was a mortal, human, unable to be a magnificent and divine spirit, I told her I didn’t understand her anger and that I didn’t want to cause her eternal stress, but again I was a mere human, had she forgotten all our human limitations?
She kept on, “but you are my son and I have done so much for you…” anyways I started to ponder if this were just my guilty feelings stirring up things and mirroring themselves through the spiritual essence and thus I could be merely reflecting. But then…
…a sure footed male voice came through the spiritual spectrum, it was magnificent, this cavalier voice called out, “get out of here woman, get on your way, this is not your son, go on, stop pestering, move on, this isn’t your son!”
The voice was Spartan, trouble free, roaring with confidence, the mother spirit sort of quieted, murmuring, “but he is my son…” while I was breathing shock and amazed! And more pleasantly surprised.
The male spirit sensing my distress level, went on to assure me, “she is not your mother, she is a wild spirit that wants to mother everyone, she thinks she is everyone’s mother and she goes around telling everyone that she is their mother, your not her son, just ignore her, she will go away.”
And indeed she did. Ushered away by this kind fellow spirit.
Only a few nights later she returned, calling “I am your mother, you are my son…” and so on, I tolerated her, I curiously asked her why she persisted but her message didn’t change, her repertoire the same tra la la, so I just ignored her, I hugged my cats, I turned the lights on, I went to sleep in the morning.
33 Beth, the black tree-man spirit and the blanks
So amateur doctors at some hospital here in Bogotá gave me some substantive pain killers and some nondescript drug to help me sit out the pains caused by some virus that was presumably near my heart and causing irritations that would symptomatically match a heart attack; of course during the diagnosis I didn’t take the time to explain to the good doctors that I was meditating and contacting spirits and so there was no way to caution them not to give me any drugs that would shut down neural metaphysical mediation activity in my brain. The prescription drugs did just that and after two months of mostly useless nights I have finally restored my ability to reach the metaphysical.
Beth was the first spirit to come to me with significant presence of self as to register without me having to figure out if she was really there or not, she came into view of my mind’s eye though first I noticed that I felt pregnant and I felt my belly heavy and then I saw her and it was her spirit, she was pretty, pregnant and a heavy set woman, and she was whispering for me to be silent, she actually made the gesture of silence by putting her finger to her lips, she stayed with me for a few minutes and left, only asking me to be silent, and not saying anything else.
Why was she pregnant, perhaps she died while pregnant, she didn’t seem agitated or particularly disturbed so I wasn’t worried or felt badly in anyway about her condition, I think if I had to interpret her “keep silent” gesture, it may have been because at first seeing her I noticed her overweight condition and so she was really alerting me to not say something bad, that I didn’t need to comment on the matter. She didn’t say anything else to me, stayed just a bit longer and left. I try to be more aware of my negative views since.
After her leaving I saw a tree and in this tree there was the spirit of a black man, a tree with the spirit of a human, the fellow was energetic, happy, charming, content, and his essence rose from the tree firmly as part of it and not as some aberration. He didn’t say anything to me, and frankly I was trying to figure out why a tree had a person in it, and then he withdrew back into tree.
I used to think that an essence had to be somewhat pure, that is a cat essence is cat essence, that it cannot be a hybrid of other essence conditions, each essence must inherently be living its own cycle of being, so it came to me as a full surprise that a tree essence could have the essence of a man within it. I cannot say that I have an answer for this except that after witnessing this my gut feeling tells me that it is then possible for varied essences to congregate in different structural constructs of existence; which may explain why Indians hold cows to be sacred and one day I might reincarnate as a Rooster.
A couple of nights ago, I had two spirits come to visit, probably the longest sequence of habitation I have had hitherto, the first spirit essence entered my body after making its presence felt, once within me it pulsed with all intensity, the second strongest level of intensity of any spirit to inhabit within me. But the spirit did not have character of any type, did not betray personality and did not give me any imagery of its condition, it simply pulsed, and that was that.
Then a night later, the same spirit or one that had all of the same vacuum characteristics felt the room, seemed to express hyperactivity when I opened my eyes, then went within me, pulsed intensely and continuously equally for a very long time - could have been all of twenty minutes which is considerable time lapse for that type of interaction, usually the habitations do not take more than three to five minutes. And again, this spirit essence had absolutely no inherent qualities, values or characteristics.
The thing is that these spirit types are rare, usually the spirit has some kind of history or character attached, but they are becoming more frequent these completely odd faceless strangers. I continue to presume that these are spirit-essences that have not been born in any guise as of yet; it is also possible that there might be entities so wise that they don’t want to be born and refuse to do so though they might still on occasion be tempted to taste existence through an avatar like me.
34 The Ugly Music Has Died
Last night I was visited by three spirits the first was a bit disturbed, he sonic punched himself into me through my left ear canal, this is not an uncommon spirit entrance but this one was particularly pronounced and I enjoyed very much the intensity. He seemed to have a lot of fury built into his system, for some reason I didn’t feel scare, I felt apprehensive but not scare, and so I let him molest me, he was telling me that he was furious at everything, or not so much saying it as much as I could detect his skin was burning his mind was uncomfortable, always going on and on endlessly about his troubled existence but saying nothing in particular, it was as if he had a complain but didn’t know what it was, so he complained without having a purpose, he pulsed through my body a few times and attempted to cause me to internalize his incessant irritation, I told him that if I could help him heal to use my energy and body towards that, but it seemed that he was certainly beyond my ability to help, eventually after about twenty minutes or so, he left. I don’t know what I got out of the visit, I don’t know what it meant to him, maybe just complaining does have its benefits.
A second spirit came, it was very confused, it seemed it was lost, it had no personalized identity, that is character, name, or any other attribute, it said that it was suppose to have been born to my mother but that she had aborted it. Indeed mother had had an abortion and a miscarriage and I think the abortion might have been this spirit’s turn to be born, it asked me to have a child to make good on mom’s misdeed. It does appear that spirits have a need to be born and spend a good portion of their time hunting for would be parents, I didn’t feel good about the idea, I could sense that he was angry at having been aborted, and I am sure if he were to become our son that he would take it out in some ungratifying youth angst rebellion. I sort of humored him away, told him I wasn’t really interested in the proposition, he moved on.
I should point out that my spirit visits have certainly become prolonged, they use to be visits of less than five minutes, but currently the spirits do hang around for 20 minutes or so, it is also very easy again to reach out to them, they are just right there, you can touch them just by reaching a little and they touch you back. I am very pleased as I was again worried that those pills the doctors gave me had destroyed my receptivity to some degree, it appears not, though I am still sleeping prolonged hours.
The third spirit came very late in the morning, at about 6am, they usually do not come out during the day, I think it requires too much energy, when light starts to penetrate the room they tend to disperse, I think the noise created by the excess radioactivity is too much for them or they prefer not to operate in those light active environments, though bare in mind that my first encounters with spirits tended to be in the morning and afternoon, so it is not impossible for them.
This spirit was very interesting because I am still having problems discerning communication, words still seem to float alongside a cacophony of sound and they barely survive, I have to strain my mind to make out any words, it is not however a hearing, it is definitely internalize, it is bypassing the ear though I would imagine using the same neurons to trigger the sensation of sound. This spirit however was very clear, it grabbed my hand and it spoke, “The bad music has died.” It said it twice then it let go my hand and went away. Leaving me to ponder what this meant, I haven’t the slightest idea, I have poked around my brain for a connection to real life but I haven’t made any. I called my sister and told her that the bad music had died so that maybe she could discern some meaning out of it. Nothing.
I almost forgot to mention that I had a very clear and strange premonition, a friend of mine, call him G, is to have a family crisis, his mother is to become ill, I am suppose to go to her, and spend a few minutes of prayer with her, and somehow that will make her well. I have seen his mother only twice, have not really spoken to her, nor know anything about her except that she is a devout catholic and I don’t know that I have any communality with her beliefs or any sense of friendship, she seems more destined to remain an acquaintance. Regardless I note this here because the premonition is very clear, the vision does not blur we are to connect spiritually at some near point in the future; So perhaps if it comes to pass this note, on May 4, 2006, here will make it more remarkable still.
I should further point out that in my continued encounters with the spirits I frequently ask them to enlighten me, to share their awareness and to grant me healing energies.
35 Natural Energies
A witch attempted to enter my body, at first of course I didn’t realize that it was a witch, it feels very much like a spirit energy except that you can smell earth rock on it, it is very elemental it crawls, it doesn’t pulse firmly but rather it seems organic, you can sense the texture of earth as it moves over one’s body.
I was actually sleeping, so it had to wake me up, it put a finger to my temple, it was an old female and it told me to tell it my doings, I asked it to tell me of itself, and it asked me that it needed me to move a few inches to my left so as to continue into my body. This I did and the witch entered my body. It took me about 3 minutes to identify it as a living earthy spirit that intended to manipulate through the use of craft that is based on natural local energies.
It was obvious that she intended to alter my path through life to some intent of hers which I cannot divine, the realization immediately caused me to ask it to leave my body and to say the following: “You are to leave my body I do not accept earthy energies that have in them intent to manipulate, go away from within me, and try instead to use your powers for good, manipulation is inherently bad, leave my body and stay out.”
I paused for a bit as the Witch pulsed within me with some apparent discomfort, she was rough in her movements and I suppose she hadn’t expected my awareness of energies. I thought of getting up immediately so as to disperse her energy with physical activity, but I felt that I was stronger in a metaphysical context, though less experience than her, and so I opted to call the metaphysical and meditate her out of my system by flooding myself with metaphysical energies.
This I did and she proceeded to leave not to happy and I somewhat suspect promising to return. Obviously I am not thinking that I changed her ways or her manipulative intentions as she is an energy that capitalizes on those things here on earth, I suspect then that she will return and that I will have to seek cosmic energies to suffocate her out my inner being.
Today is Tuesday, May 9, 2006
36 The Many Lives
A face came into my head, it was a dead dog, Ice, he was a favorite he got killed by a car following a more favorite Lolita, it was a horrid day, he came into my mind’s eye, he was wearing a white sheet over his essence, he was barking, he liked to bark a lot, there was nothing else to the encounter, we knew each other, he was just saying hello.
The next spiritual movement wasn’t as basic, I paused over myself, a creature that was me at about 12 years old still a figured of itself in my frontal lobe, that lasted 2 seconds, then every second there after was every 12 year old that I had been, sifting through some instant apparition dimensional expression, here you are at 12 in this life, here you are at 12 in this life, here you are at 12 in this life, and it continued, here you are at twelve, I have had a lot of lives, and from I could tell there was only one 12 year old that bothered me, that seemed wholly unglued, the rest, well we were all normal, I have nothing else to add, except that obviously we have crossed the line where we don’t remember any other lives.
37 The Difficult Things
Last night was fraught with spirit habitations, one after the next they all came to me, there was not even a break in between spirits, often I had to guess if one or another had left my body, specially when the only thing they do is pulse through my body and say nothing nor display any ambulant characteristics.
And so they cycled through the night as if I were outpost on a migration route to some holy site and they, the spirits, were purging evil from within and leaving it with me and so this has been one of the tough nights.
The process started at about 11pm, a spirit would come and pulse and leave, at some point I fell sleep from cheer tiredness, then woke up at 3am, a spirit woke me up, she touched my forehead, these seems to be her trait though I am realizing that touching one’s brow seems to be a spirit trait, my right temple region is also growing or seems to expand outwards antennae like though not physically but through some kind of dimensional construct that allows me to sense their movements, also last night they were particularly noisy, which I like, I rather enjoy hearing them creaking the bed or making the wood cringe, it gives it a more sedate physical presence, that is the best of it; so she started speaking with what was truly a haunting voice, she first said, “you are going to have children, you will have many children,” I doubt that this spirit understands that my wife and I are wholly against the idea of herd building, then as it sometimes happens thoughts of this world enter my mind, troubles at work, things that I have to do tomorrow and as she hears these thoughts she says, “if you don’t pay attention I am going to cut a finger,” she repeated that, which didn’t have to be repeated as I was sufficiently bothered by it the first time, and I said, “you cannot harm me, you are a local energy, I don’t appreciate that kind of talk, I don’t want you to be within me, you may not stay,” and so on. She in fact continued to talk but I continued to ignore her and though she manage to hold a grip on me for some minutes more in the end she was ousted by some other spirit that was pulsing strongly and preciously and it took me a little bit to realize that this one did not have grudges or bad tidings but when I did I immediately welcomed it and thank it for its presence.
I love the pulsing but equally I am terribly frustrated that I don’t get beyond it, why does it continue to be the same over and over again, the only thing that varies is intensity and the type of pulse, some throb throughout, others start at the legs like an internal pulse that slowly rises through the body, it is a magnificent feeling but what of it, and so I asked the spirits to help me to the next level, and yet nothing, only one thing has truly changed, I now feel evil spirits passing through as well, there are dangers in this and yet the curiosity within me will not let me stop.
After that came another spirit that came and grabbed me from behind and was indeed without a doubt attempting to sodomized, I attempted to force myself away but this spirit actually had an energy that held me in check, and I felt extreme discomfort though fortunately its energy was not actually able to allow the obvious rape to take on a physical momentum, but I felt like an arm around my neck, and I was certainly not able to get away, I actually saw the appearance of the fellow and I could describe him as a strong modern day barbarian without an ability to feel emotion, he attacked because it was the only way that he could feel, force was his sense of expression, and the clarity of his appearance and the immensity of his physicality convinced me that he had recently died, he was still acting very much like a human felon, and the intensity was not that that I normally feel with spirits, I think then that there is a sort of vibrancy and physical presence that dominates the recently dead, and so they still behave in similar ways to those that are alive, and their presence demarks a very obvious physicality that is not the case for spirits that have longevity outside of physical existence.
The attacker came back again and repeated the same much to my discomfort, the fact that I wasn’t a homosexual actually picked his intent in me, I decided to grab my cat and to stop any ability for meditation, and he did go away, obviously it is not easy for them to stay but when there is an attack it doesn’t feel good and you start getting very scared, and now I think we have to think about what is evil, what is evil, because I have felt it.
The next night the population of spirits was more incredible, so much so that there must have been at least eight of them in my room, and they kept on coming one after the other, all at the same time hovering over me, pausing to feel my body and to stretch themselves within its corporeal essence, and none gave an inkling of personality, all had very much the same essence type, neutral and mostly indistinguishable from one another, perhaps spirits that had never been born, or so it is my guess, but there was one that had something pushing underneath the right side of his shin and leaning equally into his neck, I can say this with certainty because when they enter my body I feel what they feel within their idea of soul, which appears to contour like our body though it probably and most likely has no discernable form essence, these spirits all stayed within the room and playing with me for about 30 minutes or so, and then they left, it was one of the most fascinating nights of my life though I still don’t know why they stayed so long or what they were doing there in such concentration.
During the period of play I did get scare a few times, but not necessarily because they were bad but simply I think due to my natural fears, and I did say a couple of what might be called defensive prayers, and equally others asking for illumination upon my path towards enlightenment. After they left something radical happened, I had too much energy in me, I could not sleep I felt my body over pulsed with energy, but I didn’t know what to do with it, so I tossed and turned throughout the night in a kind of feverish wakefulness, that eventually subsided towards morning.
Then sleep overcame me, enough so that I would wake up late for an appointment.
38 Leaving an apartment, a neighborhood and a country so as to not bother a spirit
Last night I had a spirit come to me, it came into my body while I was watching television and I was happy to host it, but the spirit was to signify a certain troubling, still I was hungering for spirit attention, living away from my wife Domaine due to financial circumstances was most tiresome, I was catering to four cats that were as selfish and spoil as they could be and it was taking a toll on me person, specially because they were in the habit of waking me up every hour or so, the sleep deprivation was preventing me from concentrating on spirits and so it was most welcomed that this one had decided to come at prime time dimming all the material energies in the room; I pondered if this was the same spirit that had visited two nights ago.
Two nights ago a spirit came and made a forceful entrance into my body, there it tersely punctuated its presence pulsing throughout creating discomfort, I had to tell it to go, I didn’t want bad experiences, I said “please go I don’t want unpleasant experiences, you don’t feel right.”
The spirit was not happy with what I had said and urged on a burst of spirit energy that caused me to warp my body in a kind of catharsistic revulsion, particularly painful below the scrotal area, I tried to hold myself together and then the spirit touched something again near the scrotal region, he then pushed some kind of a button within me, or that is how it felt, it was a very pointed action, very specific and discernable as the pressing of a button and then my body collapsed and immediately felt free of all stresses and tensions and the spirit was gone. I didn’t know what to think but equally I didn’t want to think I was so relaxed that I fell sleep and slept even through cats wranglings.
But after a while of feeling the prime time spirit I didn’t think it was the same one, this spirit was pulsing within me, even as I walked around the room, it made noises against the cabinetry, and it didn’t have any aggressive energy, it was certainly highly defined but it wasn’t threatening or invasive, the spirit stayed within me until I turned the TV off and then it said, “Get out of here.” The words were not open to interpretation and they were repeated three times, “Get out of here.” It wasn’t get out of here for your safety it was more like a warning that I needed to heed or else, the spirit was saying that it dint want me here. The problem is that I didn’t know what the spirit meant by “…here.” That is leave the apartment I was renting, the neighborhood I was living in, or the country, but more interesting I was indeed about twenty days from leaving the apartment, neighborhood and country to join my wife in blah Oregon.
After six years of toiling in Colombia attempting to settle there I had been unable to make any business ventures pay enough to sustain a middle class life style, and so we had made the decision to capitulate our Colombian experience, and indeed I had thought that there is something in Colombia that doesn’t want me there, something keeps on sending me away from here, or as one of my fictional stories ends, “…if everything around you keeps attacking you then you are in enemy territory.” That would summarize my last six years it was time to go. The spirit didn’t need to push me out, I wasn’t staying.
I told the spirit the following, “I am sorry if my presence here bothers you, I don’t mean to hurt or to molest anyone, I will be leaving the country soon, I cannot leave this apartment any sooner than the end of month because I haven’t the finances to do so, but please give me till the end of month and forgive me for any frustrations that I may have ignorantly and innocently caused you.”
At that point the energy surged and I got up and saw a pen on the bookstand, I intuitively grabbed it and wrote down a scattered dictated set of random letters that when looked at phonetically read, “Te perdono.” They were in Spanish I was relieved, even as I could not imagine how I could hurt or bother a spirit with my presence. That night I slept with the lights on and from now on I will not sleep in the bedroom.
Such it was.
39 A Turtle Sanctuary
I went to North Carolina to visit my sister Liz, she is currently working through the grand project of opening a sanctuary for spiritual seclusions and for disadvantaged children, while there I had a marvelous physical and temporal time learning how to water ski and feeling the greenery fleshing out my clogged experiences; you would think that I would have meditated while there but that wasn’t precisely what I did, instead I tried to relax as much as possible though being in transit from one country to another did not allow for much relaxing in the process. And yes, meditation is not necessarily relaxing, if you are meditating to become aware and enlightened there is nothing relaxing about it.
While we were there we saw many turtles, this was unusual for me as I am wholly ignorant of nature in general and had no idea that there were land based turtles, turtles that didn’t live in the ocean, so when one of the dogs came out of the woods with a turtle in-between its jaws not only was I surprised but I was also worried for the poor turtle, specially because I have a friend, Sharon, that is of course a turtle spirit and so I felt obliged to rescue the turtle. Fortunately my sister is quite used to being around nature and she did rescue the turtle and everything was made good for it. After that I saw two or three other land turtles and went off to sleep.
In my night a spirit came to me and told me what I already knew, “this is the land of the spirit of the turtle.” Being that I had already seen more turtles than I had witness in a decade I didn’t think calling the place “the land of the spirit of the turtle” was farfetched rather it seemed rather normal, I only bring this incident to the forefront to note that while simplistic, a land of turtles embodies the spirit of turtles, a land of snakes embodies the spirits of snakes, a land of aborigines rightly embodies the essence of same and so on, I just bring this up to note that a place is often very much its noun as determined by its verb.
40 A Significant Fright
It has been a while since I have written, partly because there has been nothing unusual to report every event has been mostly repetition thus my lapse in reporting save for last night. I have now changed countries, I am back in America and currently staying in Beaverton Oregon near or next to near to Portland. The house I am staying in belongs to my in-laws however it is their intended retirement home and so it is currently empty but for my wife’s and I temporary residence. I don’t know who owned it before and it is not an old house so it would be easy to suppose that it probably doesn’t have a ghost history yet, though age is not a deterrent for spirit habitations, it is just that generally spirits tend to habit where events have taken place over time. However there is the option that even if there were not a house here there could be a history underneath it, an Indian burial site, a battle ground or the scene of a crime or a misdeed, or a wandering hapless spirit as in general happiness does not make for happy ghost habitations.
As my departure from Bogotá was hurried and frustrating specially because I had to ship out our four cats plus live in an interim apartment, pause in North Carolina for a visit to my sisters Spiritual Sanctuary I was thus fairly exhausted by the time I set foot in Oregon; which is why I neglected any spiritual contacts for the first week. The second week by Tuesday I had been fortified by a zestful four days of long sleeps so that I could find myself staring at the ceiling from the comfort of my bed and it was then I decided to initiate contact once more.
Tuesday night then a spirit did visit but I was not wholly tuned to the encounter so I would drift off into varying concerning mental diatribes and then back into the encounter, the spirit did enter my body but then went one step further and made raucous noises on the second floor, we were sleeping in the first floor, and there was someone walking upstairs and at the same time entering and pulsing throughout my body. I didn’t mind the noise though I remember thinking how is it that a spirit can be entering me in the first floor while causing desperate walking noises upstairs? Were there two spirits? Was a spirit capable of being in two places at once? I was thrilled about the noises upstairs as they physically quantified what my body was feeling, but that didn’t prevent me from eventually falling back to sleep without much ado about it and besides that I was already wise enough to know that questions over perplexing matters don’t beget answers and it doesn’t matter that that is so.
Wednesday, after Domaine went to sleep and the cats were cozy chasing imaginary mice, again I made contact and it took about twenty minutes or so but when it came into my body the spirit was full force, I was enjoying very much the intensity aware that this was precisely what I wanted, surefooted contact, and thus I had that but I wasn’t prepared for the rest. The noises again begun to occur upstairs, and they were not happy noises they were the noises of a distraught spirit that was rather unhappy trashing back and forth all over and making sure that I would hear it all with surround sound and special effects. Domaine can sleep through anything and she was sleeping through this but I wasn’t having fun the spirit was making it clear that he or she was unhappy with my presence in the house and more with my disrupting of its dimensional habitat, I was raising hell sort of speak because I was there, normally it apparently was a dormant spirit, a spirit that did not wish to be disturbed, a spirit that just wanted to hide in this one corner of a metaphysical dimension and didn’t want anyone, specially a novice like me disturbing it.
As I could sense that this spirit was unhappy and even frustrated with my presence, I opted to exit the metaphysical endeavor only the spirit was rather angry which is probably why it didn’t let me exit it continued the rampant noises upstairs and more terrible it stayed within me, pulsing amply throughout my body. This was not a fun thing and then I heard one of the cats, Pacho, our most sensitive feline meowing loudly, of course this could have been for any reason but it didn’t help the ambience of the middle of my night fright. I continued to ask the spirit to leave me, I spoke to the divine force which we compose and composes all and asked it to please help the spirit out of my body, I poured water over my body to see if being fully awake the spirit would leave, but it didn’t and I continued to supplicate for spiritual abandonment, compassion from all emotive essences and forgiveness for tampering with the unknown.
Finally after a couple of hours of explaining that I was a novice and that I was sorry for having disrupted a hermit soul the spirit finally deigned it necessary to leave me alone, and I was ever thankful after that, only I stayed awake and any slight pulsing through my body was a most unwelcome excitation. At some point I fell sleep with the complete comprehension that I had promised not to further disrupt this spirit, which implied that as long as I was in this house I was the unwanted guest of a spirit that did not want me going into its dimension! Further that, since I was too much of a novice in spiritual matters I could not define which spirits to tune into or how to channel the enigmatic metaphysical forces towards this or that plain, thus that I finally got it into my system that I would be unable to channel spirits towards my body or make any progress with my dimensional psyche till away from this house; where we were looking at living here for approximately 3 months, mind you we were on our second week.
I was too scared to try and make contact again and I resolutely felt that unless I was determinately contacted by a spirit with their own agenda I would not channel my energies towards the metaphysical, thus that is where we are today, on hold, in a terminal lockdown and not knowing when there will be something else along those lines, we are stuck, and such it is.
There is one constructive element that I think we can gather from this, that I was able to oust the disturbed spirit from my body, that calling upon the metaphysical immensity to have compassion and pleading with the spirit forgiveness for my trespasses that there was an affirmative response, the entity took compassion and left me, I am not sure that it forgave me, it is most likely still irritated, but it understood that I had walked blindly into a metaphysical alley and showing some mutual comprehension allowed me to walk on through.
I should further note that on the third night the same spirit attempted to reenter my body, this I presume to further exhaust its anger or maybe to make amends, difficult to know which as I refused it entrance, I turned the television on to the most grieving news show, and read every line, and actively named everything on the screen so as to be very here, here and not anywhere else but in the pure material. After a few attempts the spirit did give up its quest though it left me stricken with residual fears.
After a few nights in which a spirit kept on trying to enter my body and I, through much concerted effort, denied it habitation as I was afraid to continue tampering with the unknown, and had now realized what I had always suspected that it could easily get out of control yet the spirit persisted in visiting me and in pulsing through my body, so that I had to shrug it off of me but then I realized that I had to listen to spirit for there had to be a reason why it wasn’t going away.
Listening was the right thing to do for the spirit that had been contacting me was trying to resume the contact that we had interrupted due to her anger at my interruption of her space, but also through my fear of furthering my metaphysical encounters. Of course I could not hold back, I don’t know how many people in the world can detect spirits but I hear that high salt consumption continues its precipitous rise and that is one requirement for successful spirit habitations, further I knew there was something special within me that allowed for the perception of the metaphysical and I could not let such a gift pass through my existence without exploration, so I reopened my meditation to channel the spirit through my essence.
There was hardly any effort upon my part, the spirit immediately reentered my body and went on to show me a World War II German Platoon marching down a road thus letting me conclude that she had been somehow mal treated by the German army or was possibly a victim of the war. Still I cannot say precisely what or how of her life, but obviously the point is that the war had played a significant role in her previous life. Also I use the personal pronoun her because she told me her name was Eleanor, and we had a very nice reinitiating of our relationship where she pulsed through my body for a considerable portion of the night though I remain unsure of what it was that we interchanged.
Since then Eleanor visits almost every night, she pulses through my body and I talk to her, I ask for enlightenment and for increased awareness but I don’t notice any significant change in my sensitivity to things here or in the metaphysical, it is still very difficult for me to make out her voice or more accurately her communication and that might well be because I am not as emotionally developed or uninhibited as I ought be for such an encounter.
Part of my way of reaching greater self actualization is to communicate with beings that are more self realized in the religious and metaphysical so I sent a copy of my current writings to a dear soul in San Francisco, Nancy; I have known Nancy at least fifteen years and she has always been very faithful, religious and devoutly passionate and after reading a bit of my notes, she wrote back the following:
“Lao Tzu said:" I dreamed that I was a butterfly. Then I woke up. Now I am wondering whether I am a man or a butterfly dreaming that it is a man." There are fine points between self, spirit, soul. They are separated and yet the same. And their relation to
the universe are far above and beyond our grasp. We stretch and reach for these realizations as we reach for the clouds. And what we achieve by doing so is the gift of self realization; the truth that all you need is within you. We are not mere empty shells, a playground for wayward and lost spirits. The more I read your latest book, the more I feel that what the author perceives as visitations from other spirits are no more than getting to know himself. In the privacy of his chamber, he is visited by the memory and emotions of the past encounters that he might have been too busy to take notice of. Now in the solitude of his cold and barren chamber, he lies there inviting what was suppressed or denied or ignored.”
Now I had been rather content with myself that I had discovered and felt forces outside of myself, to me the spirits represented the others an external element, that there was something else, something radically different than us, and that meant that it wasn’t all as simple as this basic material dog-eat-dog world but that there was more to everything and that made me feel good and more it made me feel joy to know that not only we were not alone but also we were being watched, the world didn’t just depend on our folly, there were other unknown external factors acting upon it, and it didn’t have to stop at the spiritual level, that was just one of the possible aspects that I could detect, it didn’t have to be the only one, surely it wasn’t. But now Nancy was saying that what I was feeling was inside of me, that it was a manifestations of personal and spiritual experiences that I had ignored due to my previously hurried way of life and that now I was open to rediscovering myself and my spiritual essence. Or at least that is how I understood her and I cannot tell you that that made me feel good, but then of course I realized that I was being self centered, because I could not disagree with what she was saying even based on my own philosophy, The Sameness of Disparate Origins, the title speaks for itself.
You see what Nancy was saying was that I was feeling myself or prior aspects of my self essence and becoming aware of them because now I was allowing myself to feel them. That at first seems amazingly solipsistic and so not quite appealing, and then Nancy notes that “we are not merely empty shells, a playground for spirit habitations” but that in fact Eleanor might be just me experiencing prior personal encounters that through lack of awareness or patience I had ignored throughout my history. But as that still sounds like an individual exploration and as such sufficiency repudiateable you can then see how it all comes full circle on you and you don’t have a choice but to accept it. Because the experiences are all my experiences through time-space, there is no way to invalidate that, and more so when you consider a basic principle, all emotive beings, soul and body, come from the same essence type, and so Eleanor as much as she might not want to realize it is me and I am her, when Eleanor at first denied our encounter she was in fact denying a part of herself, Eleanor and I are separate entities in time-space but that is because eons ago some kind of essence fragmentation took place and separated us from one another, and now we have to recognize and acknowledge each other in the material world so as to become acquaintances, friends, lovers and soul mates, but the only way that we can become soul mates and lovers and even just friends is through the realization that we are very much the same, this even as our trajectory through time and space has given us a different set of circumstances, and it is only that different set of circumstances that gives us any sense of discrimination.
I am reaching for Eleanor and she is reaching towards me because we are trying to reunite and re-experience ourselves as one, that is the true nature of our intent and it is endemic to our essence, for we are the same essence.
42 Divine Warmth Upon My Brow
This is the most beautiful feeling that I have gathered from my experiences thus far, I was having a rather moody spiritual night, they were coming and going and I was coming and going too. I was wrestles because I was jobless and had to witness my wife go off to work and worry about all of our financial responsibilities, incredibly enough we still have the restaurant in Bogotá and that only added to the list of dues and fees, and so the night went frantic from me trying to concentrate to drifting off into some concern, and the spirits were heavily active as well, they would make noises throughout the room, enter my body and pulse through it, some making aural-templates of their former bodies through prostrate me and then there was Eleanor.
I had asked Eleanor to help me out of my distressful situation, in whatever manner that might be possible for her to positively influence my daily doings, and she came in fast and determined, “I will help you, I will help you but will you stop bothering me, don’t call to me anymore, I will help you but just leave me alone.”
Well that wasn’t as inspiring as I had hoped, and frankly I had suspected that Eleanor wasn’t happy with my calling on all the spirits within our vicinity, I guessed she was somewhat miffed by the whole thing, or maybe she just wanted exclusivity but then there were so many nights that she wouldn’t appear and I had this addiction to feeling the spirits that I couldn’t wait and so I cautiously begun calling for the spirits in the vicinity to partake in my trances, but then it all got out of hand and last night well it was like a homecoming, everyone was passing by to say hello.
One spirit had actually arrived earlier in the day while I was still reading an interesting article about the differences between women and men, and just then this early evening spirit, for the second time it happens, put an index finger to my forehead as if anointing or marking me. Regardless I took notice and told the spirit that I would be meditating later into the night and that we could thus mature our encounter then. However the spirit never came back or I never felt that spirit again instead something magnificent happened.
I was tired of meditating, I turned myself sideways facing away from the center of the bed, letting my arms hang a bit, the sheets and blankets away from me so that I could dispense with much unwanted heat and cushioning my head with a pillow, when a warmth, a gentle but very defined warmth half moon creased forward from my brow giving me a sense of wellbeing and tenderness like a sunflower, the sense of this warmth did emancipate from a spirit essence that I could not define but was certainly in the room endothermicly touching me with what might be called the palm of her hand for lack of a more accurate characterization, the sensation was well defined and the presence of warmth preciously surging and enveloping my brow.
After a while, probably about five minutes or so the warmth did subdue until its tenderness was all gone and I was left instead with a busy silence, a silence that felt all these spirits in the room but was motionless, a silence that had a lot of space in between, nor like the silence brought forth by the Bishop of Silence, which was a liquid silence, a full silence, a silence that dissipated from its being and turned everything he touched into a silent entity, this was a silence that let me know that even as there were spirits all around me, the most near me circumference was still, and absolved in a peacefulness.
43 My White Witch
With almost an entire week without any spirit contact I was very disconcerted as I was beginning to think that I had lost my ability to make contact and even my ability to feel them. Various attempts resulted in no contact but more I also stopped feeling the magnification that normally absorbs my brow with some intensity, but then came this black witch to visit me and I was happy again, sincerely happy even though black witches are generally not good witches for they practice black magic generally to no good end.
I woke up from sensing her presence and her black dress silhouette came into my mind’s eye, she was just sitting by my side waiting for me to awaken, she might have even made a noise to hasten me from my sleep but more it seemed she had opted to wait and had done so, I couldn’t see her face as she was looking down and wearing a brimmed black hat, she was skinny for a witch, usually I picture them as fatter or not in shape, this particular witch was slim, but very, very old more than a hundred years twice easily, she lived in a mountain somewhere in Latin America, a place called La Peña, lived by herself and was now here in America through some mind bending of space, visiting me, not sure why but immediately I suspected someone had put her up to hexing me.
Black witch did not look up but went on a tirade speaking very fast, I could not understand a word, she was dazing the entirety of my head, and speaking some charges against me, again I could not make them out, except that at some point she said that I was evil, this didn’t make sense coming from her, and so I repeatedly told her that I wasn’t evil and that I wasn’t afraid of her either.
At about that point in the interchange my mind’s eye caught a glimpse of her face and it was the most hideous bounty of sun stricken cavernous flesh you could see, the flesh rolling and textured wholly like that of a leg on a turtle, she was not only old then but also well ugly. Still I wasn’t made uncomfortable by her face, nor by her appearance, and her dress was well taken care of, so that it wasn’t raggedy as one would expect, and she noticed that I wasn’t repulsed or threatened by her presence and she kind of just sat on my stomach and started to make some commentary which I again explained I could not comprehend and requested that she help me to understand and she paused.
Upon her silence, she was just, in essence, sitting there on my stomach, I told her that I wasn’t evil or didn’t think myself such and hadn’t even felt evil within me and told her that I was attempting to make constant contact with the spirit world so as to help humanity and become more aware of what I thought was a greater reality, I asked her to please help me in my quest, I told her we could work together to be an example of how spiritual contact could be maintained. Of course then I hesitated a bit and acknowledge that she wasn’t dead, that she was a black witch living in La Peña and that was true but still our communication was being accomplish through her spiritual essence which was indeed substantial and pulsing heavily through me and even reaching personification as this black witch was presently calmly sitting on me.
I asked her name, she replied that her name was Helen but I didn’t believe her, I don’t know why I didn’t believe her but I could tell she was lying or names didn’t mean anything to her, and so I told her that I was going to call her White Witch because she was going to work with me in helping people and making goodness in the world. She refrained from saying anything, I asked her if she had the ability to heal and she went to touch my eyes as if to cure my vision but she didn’t make it right and I doubt that she had been practicing much healing as the black witch that she was. Still I told her that from now on she would be a white witch and that we would be together, she didn’t agree or disagree, but I could tell there was some good in her, or maybe her essence had gone full circle and was now going to go through its goodness phase, in which case she run out of evilness on me.
She left after what was a very long and intense visitation, I had some coffee and showered and then went back to meditate and I was able to recall her essence, and she did respond to my calling and we had a brief encounter and then separated. Such it was with my white witch.
44 Metaphysical Murmurs
Just when there is a lull there is a spike and sure enough I am not out of my long night with the white witch when immediately I am turned the next night into the watcher of spirit happenings.
The night started out with a very dark spirit that offered me the possibility of seeing him, it is still a problem for me to witness spiritual essence manifesting in the physical, there have been moments that were spectacular such was the Bishop of silence, but in general I have not documented many of the events become I can take my brain out of the feeling so I don’t know what it is that I am seeing because I am making it up and what is in fact a genuine experience.
This night a dark spirit came in front of me, and made all kinds of ellipses just above my countenance, there was even an occasional flash of light, and the essence did excrete a slight and evident heaviness over me. However I was not very scared but very uncomfortable, I didn’t trust the essence that was making this happen, I asked it if its intentions were of a good nature and the damn spirit just ignored me and just kept on putting on the show of forms. I was however unable to sustain the contact as I thought that it could take me to a point of no return and I so I disconnected the transmission, that is pretty much how it is done, you just turn away from multidimensional or/and metaphysical attention and snap the whole thing vanishes.
Not long after that another spirit came by but it came as a long murmur that you could see like a long thick plank extending from the universe through the bedroom wall, which was now absent, and right into me, but the physical construction or image of this was wholly constructed by a noise, that is it was obvious that it was not of physical properties, but its essence form was completed as a genuine object by a consistent murmur and as it got closer to me so did the murmur that was composing it.
This was magnificent and it even made sense, somehow or other all things are made by noise, there has to be vibration throughout the universe, all of that noise produces such an infinite set of noises that they are all bound to find their matching wave and cancel each other out, I was then witnessing a noise that had superseded all other noise and contrived its own existence.
And then it banished, just like a snap from a flamenco dancer, gone; and then it came back.
Yes it happened twice that night, and both times I could hear it coming before the visual plank conjured itself in this long gradual murmuring approach. There is nothing else to say here, just enjoy it.
45 Whisked By Morning Spirits
What has been happening is a little on the odd not that everything about this isn’t odd but in all honesty it doesn’t feel strange to be visited by spirits, I guess I always knew they were there I had just not attempted contact and I think that was a factor in their constructive silence; you have to acknowledge them in order for them to allow their presence, I don’t want to postulate from this on why I don’t see or feel a god.
Now I had made contact with the spirits and was wholly happy with that and now there was this one spirit that came into me and decided to make its physical presence a knowable aspect so that I could be aware it was her, though it could still be a he as I have not wholly determined its gender, but it does seem to be a fifty something woman with varicose veins.
How do I know about the varicose veins? Well what happens is, as I have said earlier, it’s that you can presence within yourself some of the characteristics that spirits possessed in their physical reality, if they had lots of wrinkles you can feel them, though they don’t, or at least not hitherto, actually manifest themselves physically, the essence of the feature does, so you can feel their flesh and their physical properties.
This does beget a question, Why would spirits sustain, or retain if you will, physical essence properties carried through in their soul essence representation? It doesn’t make any sense not that it should, but if I had to put some logic to it, it has to be that they are recently dead spirits, so that they are still embodying the characteristics of their primal physical essence, and their complete transference into the metaphysical realm has not allowed for a complete erasure of their physical world properties; much like it takes a while for the brain to realize that it doesn’t have use of an amputated limb.
We must hope, or at least I do, that one doesn’t inherent the final traits of an ended physical life, that one does not carry these own until the day that one manages to be born again or to move on to another essence manifestation, certainly it is ok to sustain such features in the essence of our subconsciousness, but it would be a terrible thing if one had to carry one’s varicose veins own forward to eternity in one’s elemental soul.
This particular spirit had still her varicose veins, and plenty of wrinkles in her face, and these sort of feel like a cat’s whiskers when they manifest themselves, it is as if they were drawn out of thin air, that the composure of the air molecules is what manifest them, only it isn’t, it feels more like a static energy, but then this spirit’s varicose vein started to manifest in my own vein, my vein was moving the blood like if it was damming it first and then releasing it as a bubble burst of accumulated air mounted enough pressure; and this pump like activity permeated my lower left leg. And that was a physical manifestation, I liked it, why shouldn’t it be great, this spirit was making its emotive appreciation of a varicose vein known to me as a form of intimate communication!
And that wasn’t even the best part the best part was that this being came back the next night and then came back the day after that, and so I was enthralled, repeated contact is not as common as I would like it to be, when a spirit stops by once, that is great, when it comes back twice you think it liked you, when it comes back a third time there has to be some kind of cosmic adjunct there; but if on top of visiting you it lets you know its presence by allowing a personal exchange of featured characteristics then life is sweet, you get really happy, you do as I did, you thank the spirit for letting you feel it, you thank it for being there, you still don’t know its name, you still don’t know what it wants, nor what you mean to it, but it is magnificent to feel, feel, and feel its varicose veins as yours when you don’t have any.
And the night was not just a surprised because of the varicose vein initiation ritual, it was also special because as the event of dawn begun to manifest in the nature of things, something whisked past my ear, and then another rush of air or static made a passing sound, and there were about a half a dozen or so very discrete, evident and identical in elapsing readings to my ear, and all were going in the same direction, as if the spirits had been called in, or as if they had to be somewhere at a certain hour, as if there was going to be a big convention of spirits somewhere and they were all going, but I felt their kindness in obliging that I might want to hear them whisk on by. It was exhilarating, I thank the spirits for letting me peek into their rush at dawn.
46 Heart locked down for six consecutive years
Was it a dream or a genuine reality?
It is better not to say was it a dream or not, it is better to let the reader draw their own conclusion.
Voices came through my left ear, it is one thing that I have noticed is that you can actually sense direction quite precisely, spirits tend to speak close to one’s ears so at least you can always know where they are at, even when they are on top of your head, playing with your hair or even as they are at a distance, there are definite point in space attributes.
The voice was that of a metaphysical-emotive judge, he said, “Ricardo I should send you back to Colombia because you are in disarray within the American psyche, you are tampering with the emotional mold of America, you should be punished.”
This metaphysical judge made it known to me that he was unhappy about my dislike of American mentally-material concentrations, America as it was, was somehow a metaphysical necessity, it was wrong to try to change it, and then I had to speculate if their were conservative judges in the metaphysical context; the answer was obviously no but this judge did not want tampering with some sort of a given material necessity and he thought that I was challenging it with my energy essence, and was apparently not pleased with me.
At that point my mother came through my right ear and made supplications to the judge, “No, please let him go, he will be ok, he wont do anything, he is harmless he just doesn’t know, you cannot punish him, please have merci…” and she went on and on, and then the judge, ignoring my mother and even acting as if she were not there, asked me to define my parents, and this while he was pulsing through the left side of my body. I think it worth noting that my mother was not within me, she was beside me to my right, however part of the judge was again, throughout all of my left body.
I told him that my parents were brilliant, emotional, passionate, but they had never managed to get out off themselves so as to reach their aspirations, I pictured them in this see through individualized spheres, and they were trying to get out in their own different ways, but they never succeeded, and so lived largely unfulfilled, and I felt I was very much the same way, their perturbed child, but I loved them and would have had no others as my hosts on this here earth.
His majesty the judge, did not seem moved by my descriptive, and then proceeded, “I am not going to send you back to Colombia I am going to lock your heart up for a total of six years.” Then he spun the sentence for all to know and repeated so 3 times, “This man’s heart is to be lockeddown for six years.”
I must have understood what that meant because I became very distraught and said, “You have not given me any breaks in life, the metaphysical has largely ignored me in existence and now it rises to recognize me only to punish me, well I refuse that punishment!” And part of me silently said, “I will just kill myself.”
Part of me however was indeed trying to ascertain what the locking down of one’s heart would entail, did that mean that I would not be able to feel, that my passions would be curved, that I would not be able to love, that I would remain a sterile human being, that I would want to go shopping all the time, that I would be able to kill other human beings, even to steal from them and to lie and betray them? But I didn’t know the answer though most likely it meant that I would be restricted from feeling my humanity and their doings in any appreciable manner.
Mother, still supplicant and still ignored, asked me to be calm, and said that it was better to just accept the punishment, and as she said that she invoked some tragic and profound comprehension of what it meant to lockup someone’s heart.
The sentence was passed, the emotive judge went on unmoved, I cannot tell the difference between the me now and the one before the 6 year heart lockdown was executed. I do know that it will be so till August in the year of our Lord 2012 AD.
Part of me doesn’t know if this was a dream, a real event, or conjured by poltergeist spirits or by my mind or something made up by mother’s tragically theatric cohorts, or genuine proceedings in the annals of cosmic metaphysics.
47 Cows Spirits & Immobile Dark Energies
A spirit came to me, it was an essence that had been a cow and still identified with cows and it told of what it was like to be a cow. Something to the effect of, “yes you feel that you are going to die, you get the smell in you and you know you are going to die, but you also feel that it is inevitable that there is nothing to be done of it and that somehow because you are a cow it has to be this way, I sort of took it in stride, I calmly went to my death knowing somehow that I was part of some food transformation climax.”
The spirit calmly told me all this while allowing me to conjure an image of its surroundings in the holding area of the slaughterhouse. I could see everything from the spirits point of reference and I did indeed feel its non resistance to the unfolding events, it was as if it were all how it was suppose to be, and all the cows I saw there were in some kind of acceptance of the situation, brown cows, white cows, spotted cows, and black cows all of them looking like this was just another day, even though it was either the day or the day before they would be pruned from the herd.
The whole visit with the cow spirit was very soothing, I felt as if I had met someone that was resigned wholly to the realities of its existence, it was more than I could have expected, and specially because I didn’t think of cows very much, I didn’t think they were pretty but after the cow spirit I kind of saw an old friend there somewhere, a kind and gentle friend, someone that would never lift arms against me, a complacent and kind expression of our emotions, a cow.
This was an early night apparition and it was an hour or two later that my next spiritual visitor came through and made me fully aware of its heavy dark energy presence. By dark energy I am not talking about the dark energy that scientists talk about but I am talking of the religious kind, where a dark force is felt, where you know this force is bad, and where you know that to make its acquaintance is ill suited, but you do it and you do it because this is fascinating and you are not going to go back to the nights you slept and ignored everything that was around you, you cant do that.
But this dark essence had something strange about it, that is it wasn’t going to harm me, it wasn’t going to do more evil, it was just dark because of its history and because the deeds that had let to its present state were unkind and evil gestures, that I could readily sense. You can sense everything about them because for some strange reason spirits don’t seem to have psychologies, they are what they are and that is what they express and when they touch you if you are sensitive to them you will feel what they feel and even what they have done and where they have been, obviously dependant more on your focus than anything else. This causes me to speculate that there might not be much diplomacy but tempest in the spirit world.
And what was unique about this dark essence is that it somehow expressed that it wasn’t going to harm me, that it had no intent of harming anything else for that matter, that it was fully in touch with what it was, and what its paths traveled had made of it, but that it wasn’t going to grow evil anymore, it wasn’t going to absorb any more energies so as to be more of itself, it wasn’t out to conquer or to exchange energies with likes, instead it just was, like a rock seems to be everything that it is going to be this dark energy had nothing else to thrive for, it had opted to just stay the same for the rest of its existence, and so I could feel it and touch it and it would share itself with me, but I didn’t have to fear it, I could walk all over it and it would let me, it had no intent to recoil or strike, it was just what it was and such it was and that was that. It finally led me to conclude that dark energy is still by nature and evil energy is dynamic, one interacts and reacts as a catalyst, another doesn’t and it just is.
We spent the larger portion of the night together, just feeling one another and at some point, I think more do to my own need to get some sleep I withdrew my attentions, and that was how that night came and went.
48 Anglican Exorcism
There was a loud noise, I snapped into consciousness from what was a very deep and dreamless sleep. The noise repeated itself it was as if a pebble had been thrown at the window, once and then twice and hard indeed. Knowing them wholly capable of doing it I wondered if it had been a spirit’s action so as to capture my attention, but then I realized that the wind was blowing considerably and could have easily lifted a few pebbles in its course. Besides that there was a continuous rush of brushing branches along the house adding the specter of a mysterious night so that I could have gotten scared if I had wanted it so, but spirit habitations had done something to me, they had made it so that I couldn’t be scared of the night. Yes, I don’t know why but once you have spirits within you, real spirits, these spirits somehow don’t let you feel alone in the dark anymore and you are not predisposed to feel afraid of them; oh you are aware that they could harm you but then you somehow know that you would have to have some doing in that, and perhaps that gives one enough confidence so as to be reassured in the darkness.
But while the immediate awareness of the current conditions came to me in a brief instant it took almost as long for a spirit to quickly lunge within me and make its presence plenty known. I probably haven’t yet explained really well how their presence manifest within one’s self, it is not an easy thing to describe, I don’t think I can quite say it in the way that it is, the pulsing throughout the body or just in regions, a pressure coming from one’s frontal lobe, in my case I could sense a sort of radar ability within me that sprung from my mind’s eye all around towards the right side of my head, mid cranium and strung into some minor radius. And then the breathing sometimes you feel like you are breathing for two, sometimes you feel like you have to breath in through your nose and out through your mouth; and then there is the most severe aspect, when you feel the entire template of the spirit within you, if it is an old man you feel precisely like this old man, his wrinkles, his body it is all your wrinkles your body, your eighty years old with him inside you, and then there are the times that they literally grab you, they seem to be specific in their action, your hand, your arms, torso and legs even your head they can grab and constantly but not with precise pressure, and the odd thing is that even if you move, they can move with you, and they hang unto you, and it is like having a monkey attached to you only it is inside of you and you know it isn’t suppose to be like that, and you don’t know how to get it off of you and you don’t know because even though it can grab you, you cannot grab it!
And that is what this spirit did, it came inside of my body, I just woke up made a two second review of the weather conditions outside, and before I knew it this thing lunged into me full spectrum. At first when this happens you are ok with it, partly because you want to feel a spirit and partly because you don’t want it be difficult, I always just want to be able to feel them 24 hours per day, but for some reason they come mostly at night and mostly in short bursts, so that you don’t get the long lasting sensations that are desired by your inner curiosities.
However it didn’t take me long to understand that this spirit had something going badly about it, that is it wasn’t positive or constructive energy, it didn’t however feel as evil and or dark energy, which was strange, but it did feel that it was something I better not let get used to my body. There was a very clear template of its presence and it wasn’t human, it was more like a manta ray size creature, it had a predominantly white color, and it had metal solid like bone structures at its head level, a sort of embroidered metal fence type of finished, and at the tail end there was solid bone knob structures, and this creature was more flat, again more like a manta ray in appearance and structure, though it certainly wasn’t one of those.
I asked the pernicious thing to leave my body and indeed it refused and persisted its gripping pulse within me, this was a torrent of distasteful experiences but again the thing did not manifest evil nor darkness, but still I felt it as something that ought not to be inside of me, and as something that I ought not explorer, and at this stage in my spiritual crusades I didn’t want to question my intuition, there were many things that I didn’t know and many more things that should remain unknown, I was cognizant of that, I asked the spirit yet again to leave my body, that it wasn’t welcome, regardless it stayed.
After you try to get spirit out of you a few times and that doesn’t work you have lost local control and then you need to call in other forces to help you in re-administering control of your essence, thus begun my standard oration, “energies of goodness please take this spirit which I feel as negative out of my body”, or “cosmic energy please aid me in ridding myself of this spirit within me, this is not its body, it is mine and it will not leave, please cosmic energy help me to desists from this spirit habitation”, or “divine spirits please help me rid my body of this pernicious essence which will not leave, please divine spirits I urge you to assist me, I don’t want this thing within me.”
Well the orations are repeated very much like that, a sort of cosmic SOS signal and they are as experimental as anything else here but they do seem to work because you start to feel other agents arriving into the scene though not immediately doing something about the situation. It is as if they have cometh to watch, and mind you that all this time that I am calling them the white manta ray like spirit is still intensely pulsating within me, this as I even got up and drank some wine to see its effect, none, the thing was quite willing to hang unto me regardless of my posture or conscious activity. And then came this Anglican priest, Father John.
Father John came in, I immediately reacted to his presence mostly because he was the only other spirit in the room that I could acknowledge or that is, distinctively recognize, and he came into view, he definitely was either once a real Anglican priest or was currently one, I don’t know where he is or was or where he came from but his essence was absolute and genuine, and he started asking me questions, “What is your name?”, “What is within you?” to which I gave the best description possible as above though I think he could already sense the other, and was merely adding questions so that reality could muster up the situation. And then father John didn’t say anything more he just sort of sat there or stood there next to me, sort of talking to me in some silent way, and at the same time acknowledging the presence of the white spirit, and then for no apparent reason the white spirit did start to leave me, it started to make like it was moving inside of me so as to leave and then very much left, completely, till only Father John and I remained.
I thanked him, though I didn’t know what he had done but he did something, and he stayed with me for a few more minutes, not saying anything, just being there with a very encouraging presence, and telling me then what church he was from, the Anglican church, and I kind of thought back to King Henry the Eighth, not knowing if I owed something to the divisive founder of the Anglican movement, and after we were reassured that manta ray spirit wasn’t going to come back Father John left with a pleasant smile which I can still vividly recall.
Such it was.
49 The Psychic Stream & Urban Rejas
A nun came to me a couple of nights back, her face calm, she had apparently died recently, and was making her presence known to me as she ended her existence in this life and went on to spiritual matters; she didn’t say anything special, she might have told me her name but other than her serene nature I have no recollection of anything else.
And then there was Peter, Peter had gotten himself a wound to his neck, big round hole now was a wound-memory in his soul, it obviously couldn’t hurt him anymore as it had already killed him in real life, he was however still smarting from it some, more like irritated that he let it happen to him than hurting; the funny thing was that as I could see what he looked like as a human being, I could also see his neck wound and right through it at the other end was what seemed like a nice hologram of the universe, that I saw across this guy’s tunneling neck.
Neither Peter nor the Nun were interested in talking to me, Peter didn’t even notice me or I don’t think he did, he was too busy dealing with the unfolding events of his recent violent death, and it seemed to me at least that he had not totally acknowledge that he was dead, ignoring that, you could see how he would be able to ignore me as well. But the point is that this is just one lot of a couple of events that constantly transpire when you are witnessing the spirit world, so many of these events that I didn’t document them, they seem so uneventful, another person dies, I didn’t want to be the chronicler of death unfolding before my eyes.
However after Peter and the Nun there came last night and it was at least two or three spirits, they didn’t identify themselves except that the male spirit is a consistent voice that I have heard before, and so I recognize it easily enough when it speaks to me, and I can sense that the female voice will also be recognizable over time, they have a very steady beat and are calm and don’t seem to be trying to figure anything out. They just told me that they noticed that I was getting impatient and that I should just be calm for now, and the male voice noted, “It is not that easy for us, we just cannot do what we want to do, it is all very limited.”
I more or less acted like a Spartan and told them I was a little tired of the spirit charade, and they then did something, together, which immediately brought the entire room to a composed and deliberate but beautiful silence, again very much like that brought forth by the Bishop of Silence, and I was mesmerized for as long as that lasted. Count a minute or two at the most, but the immensity of it was much larger than that.
When it was over I didn’t want it to be so and I returned to my impatience and they to their same posture. I don’t know precisely what they were striking at but the rest of the night they were talking between themselves and observing me, and not bothering with me much except to talk in front of me, and they were talking as if they were part of a group, a communion of souls that somehow float around the planet taking care of matters, helping here and there, even killing a human or two when they have to, there was that much nonchalantness about it, clearly they expressed to me that sometimes they had to kill people by causing such things as accidents or someone else to lift a hand against another.
Now I will completely understand at this point if the readers think me crazy, this is obviously not something that you can rationalize, all I can tell you is that I have been awake throughout those experiences and that “on my mother’s soul I can pronounce that they were external to me and characterize outside of what could be called my imagination.” Still it would be insanity for sure if I expected you to believe me, you may believe as you wish, but know that to me these events are both real and more phenomenally they are drug free, so take that Carlos Castenada!
Anyways, one time talking to one of the lawyers challenging Microsoft’s Operating System monopoly, she was about to put a witness on the stand that though telling the truth would not be a credible witness against the credentials of a countering witness in the form of a Vice President or President of a company, and so I asked her, “Why would you do that, why would you take that risk?”
She responded, “Because juries, I don’t know how, can tell if someone is lying, study after study shows that a jury is likely to observe correctly who is telling the truth and who isn’t.”
And you know after listening to that I did some immediate reflecting and thought sure, she is right, I mean look at politics, everyone knows what is really happening in a political process and they also know it has to be that way like it or not, so we all look the other way, and we know what corporations have to do to stay in business and we look the other way, and look at how our religious organizations cannot accurately portray the metaphysical and still we accept their second or third hand interpretation instead of our own, because we know we have to accept it, we know the truth in all of those aspects but we have to look the other way and we do. And then I think of the metaphysical what prospects are there for that to be something that can help our daily lives, it is far fetched even if genuine in any sense, and so we must look the other way, all of us know that there is all this metaphysical activity out there, we must know, we must be aware of it at some level and still it must just be easier to look the other way than to look at that truth that might only burden and not make this life any easier within the context of our lives. Thus why any accomplishments in reuniting us with our metaphysical reality must be glacial but at least we know, we do know.
Anyways after listening to those two spirits talking through my night I decided I had had enough so today I opted to mediate during the day, I didn’t want to write about them, and their long boring idle conversation, and thus I went into a contemplative state, letting the waves of the universal carry me, I breathed and breathed deeply and long and let my body down, and released myself essence to the spirits and no spirits came. And this went on for about a half an hour till I finally got quiet and all around me, and I decided to call upon the psychic stream. I don’t know why I opted to do that, I don’t even know what a psychic stream is; I can intuit it but I wouldn’t know what it is, and suddenly I felt this energy fighting me back, holding me back from entering the psychic stream, and I don’t know why I persisted but I felt mighty confident and went on persisting that I be allowed into it, the energy persisted against me, and there did seem to be some chorus of sorts altered by my attempt to enter.
However something within in me told me that I couldn’t be denied, I mean if you are on a freeway and suddenly there is an exit there then there is very little anyone can do to stop you from taking it, that is how I stumbled into the psychic stream, I was on my way to the spirits that are at a deeper dimension and higher plane and so I stumble into the stream, as a searcher I noticed the tension that made me hold my position a little, and then I started to say, “Please let me into the psychic stream, please let me float within, allow me in your presence.”
And that is also when I noticed that my presence wasn’t wanted and that I was going to be ignored, so I forced my way in, I said, “No one has a right to control entrance into the psychic stream, it is the right of every sentient being living, all psychic consciousness is made up by us mortals, I belong here as one of them.”
I sensed that the psychic stream is actually produced only by human interaction, it is actually based on mind not on spirit, spirits don’t have a mind to speak of, they operate strictly at a subconscious level, the psychic stream is dynamic, that is it only exist as long as two minds are talking to each other someplace else, it is unconsciously formulated by those two minds and it is sort of a stream of truth, where either mind can sense if one is lying to the other. Of course if there is no mind to mind interaction the psychic stream disappears and contrary to popular belief it is not where spirits roam, again because the spirits don’t have minds, it is a place where physical human essence or mind essences dwells; and there is probably one of those for dolphins and elephants and so on, for it does appear to be species sensitive, I didn’t see any animals there.
Don’t ask me where all that information came from nor why I was so direct but sure enough I felt the psychic energy surge before me, until its resistance fluttered and I was let in and there were a lot of mortals there, people that had to be alive in some physical part of the earth, and who knows maybe other planets, my best guess is that the psychic stream is mostly local and that it requires the spiritual metaphysical to reach beyond our solar system. But that is just a guess. Regardless I was in.
Of course they didn’t want me there, this was like a club, to get in was hard, you had to know, and it wasn’t like there was a manual on how to get here, most of these folks probably got here just like me, trying to reach the spirits they got stuck at a rest stop and that rest stop eventually became the psychic stream.
Obviously the psychic stream is where all psychic energy is concentrated, it is sort of the local watering hole, the gossip center of the planet, there are no secrets here, as I soon found out they even had a name for me here but I don’t like to say bad things about people specially not myself, so this is where all local subconscious energies are gathered into some kind of a common lot that can actually congregate purely as energies.
I will explain that, so this guy starts touching my feet, and he is touching my feet and I look at my feet and they are floating and they are very large, and I say to him, “hey stop touching my feet.” He laughs, and I repeat it.
“Hey stop touching my feet!”
He doesn’t stop laughing obviously he is very dumb. But then this pretty socialite-looking thing comes right up to him and says, “you see I told you he was trouble, I told you to stay away from him.” And off she went.
At which point he bothered to talk, “See we don’t have feet here, we just have to imagine them, just like our bodies, it is all imagined.” And he merrily went his way and I was left there staring at what were obviously the body, legs and feet that I was imagining, and hell it made sense.
Oh one thing, that fellow, his name was Urban Rejas. And I just knew that, he didn’t tell it to me, nothing needs to be told here, you just know things, and things just keep coming at you like a mountain of information that you cannot dilute enough to make sense of anything, it is freakish, it seems like one eternal socialite party. And of course everyone decided to ignore me, and ignore me, and I stood there proud that I had made it in, standing there where no one would talk to me, where I finally got tired of being ignored and went back into my body and into the house and had myself a cup of tea.
50 Laudin, Morelia and Guerneer
This really gets very hairy, it was made plainly clear to all the spirits in my vicinity that I was tired of the monotonous repetition of spirit habitation, the experiences though with different spirits were mostly repetitive and as I’ve said I was tired of that, very much so it didn’t make me want to go into my meditations though at the same time, like chewing gum, I couldn’t resist it.
So I had told you that there are these two spirits that always come to me, and talk in the background, it is almost as if I was a lab rat and they were doing a review of me, and chatting away how they would put me away after the experiment were done or whatever, and I opted to confront them and tell them that they needed to speak in such a way that I could understand them, and that is when I clearly understood that there were two problems, both having to do with timing; one, they didn’t have brains so they were not thinking their thoughts, two, they didn’t have a mouth per say so they weren’t speaking their thoughts which in conclusion was probably why all I heard was the cacophony of their voices traveling back and forth and occasionally, when their waves canceled each other out there was enough of a pause for me to detect male or female qualities plus type of enunciation. So realizing that my brain was not design to pick up their voices, they could be shouting right next to me and it didn’t matter I would not hear them, the same problem we had with me seeing them, I couldn’t, and they were right next to me, different frequency all together, anyways I asked them to please slow down their speech so I could at least capture some of it.
At first they both sort of looked in my direction, ceasing to confide in one another, and fortunately they took me seriously and they did start talking slower or something because I began to hear words, and while sentences were still a problem occasional words were still easier than breaking the Navajo code. And so these two kindly introduced themselves to me, I think in part because they were impressed that I had observed them and deduced some things, I imagine it is the same when we watch our dog learn a new trick or a lab monkey matches a cube with a squared hole. Regardless I was happy to be heard and I didn’t feel my true status in the matter.
I asked them the logical question, we humans always try to identify by names, and it seems like spirits don’t, they appear to just recognize essence types a whole complex set of intuitions arranged indeed into some form of original content essence, in other words rather than remembering a reference to a soul or person, they just simply remember the whole essence and no identifier like name is needed, still I asked, “Can we start with names do you guys have names?”
I sensed again that they looked at one another like, “Sure we can have names, what names would you like to give us?”
It was clear that these two spirits had not been born because all the spirits that have had lives will give you a name, these two didn’t have proper names to give because they hadn’t been baptized, so they asked me to call them whatever I wanted to call them, and I began to soul search for names that would be appropriate to each based on their characters and indeed I came up with some that seem to fit or at least they didn’t object to them.
To the fellow, he was easiest, men are always less complicated to figure out, I said, “How about Laudin?” Again they both looked at each other as if they had to agree on everything, why they even looked alike and repeated the name.
“Laudin sounds fine.”
I didn’t hesitate and went on to baptize the female, but I was doubting it some, “Morelia.” And I didn’t even put a question mark at the end of that thought. I liked it, it was sultry and she kind of reminded me of a humid ocean air.
They both responded, “Morelia, Morelia sounds fine.”
Frankly I don’t think they cared either way, they were not going to adopt the names they were only for me to use in the regard that we humans use such things, but then I realized something which of course they could not sense, Morelia is a very nice Spanish name but if it is pronounced in English it sounds like “More” and then the “lia” is added which sounds completely awful. I started to play with variable spellings and sounded them out to see if I could get the same name melody, “Moreelia”, “Mophelia”, “Moprelia” and after it became obvious that I didn’t know what I was doing I just settled for it hoping that English readers would be sensitive to the proper enunciation.
Well I was rather pleased with myself, not only because I had established a serious rapport with these two, but also because I had gotten names, and so then I asked them, “So what are you two always talking about?”
Morelia responded, (oh I am so happy with that name.) “Well we were wondering if you could be the human that would help us make a connection with the material world, it doesn’t come natural to us, we have to meet in this sort of medium as our common ground and you have been writing all those philosophy books on the unity of the metaphysical and the physical but one thing is to write philosophy and another is to lead or help in the materialization of spiritual essence, that is what we were pondering and why we were observing you?”
“Well that is wonderful news…” I responded, “wonderful news, this is what I have been working for all of my life, the reunion of the spirits with humans, I think I am the one that can help you, certainly I am.”
I was statically happy, I don’t mind telling you I was overly joyous, “Why this is the role that I have been studying for all my life!” I was paraphrasing Borgess the great Argentinean writer when he was fiannly offerend a position at some university specializing in English literature, or something like that.
Laudin speaking without varying his tone, “Well it is possible that we could work together, certainly we feel that the material has separated humans to much from their true spirit essence and so it must be reinserted into their daily process.”
Morelia offered further commentary, “Yes, they no longer seem to understand us, they have no concept that there would not be a human body if it wasn’t for the spiritual protruding its essence into the material, we need a rejoinder.”
I confirmed again what we all believed, “That is precisely what we need, what the Greeks had, their gods were genuine folk, they were there with them, we have no gods on earth, no spirits on earth, no one is tuning to them, everyone is tuning to the tune of Wall Street, and religion is not spiritual anymore it is purely an economic or practical enterprise, I want to work with you.”
At that point something rather freakish happened, this white blurring spirit came into the room looking very much like a white flame, and it came right up to me and said in an unpleasant tone, “you are not the one to help in this, you are not the one to help with this process of unification!” And this thing was acting in such flagrant way so as to scare me, and then it searched back towards Morelia and Laudin and said, “He is not capable of assisting in this process, he has a dark side.”
At that point I don’t know what came over me, but I was intense and direct, staring down at that malevolent essence, “I am fully ready for this and you don’t have any criteria by which to judge me, you go back to where you came from you evil thing, you got more evil in you that I could possibly ever have, for I have no evil within me, go back to where you came from you evil thing!
Wow! Would be a good way to define the expressions I sensed in Morelia and Laudin, though they said nothing while that acid creature departed with her fake calderon of a self. And then I realized how surprised I was at myself, very surprised, it was the type of confidence you can only have when you are doing what you are suppose to be doing and there are no lies or psychology involved.
The two motioned towards a third subject that would be working with us on this project, I looked at him and knowing that he too would need a working name, observing his presence I immediately thought of Talleyrand, Machiavelli or Henri Kissinger but I decided for Guerneer, I think it as all the probability of becoming famous too, and that way we don’t reuse already famous names.
Then I was introduced to a fourth member of what I was now gathering was the cast that I would be working with, this fellow had sort of frightful essence, he seemed scared of showing his face, he looked like a court jester, and was fat and would have made a much better jolly personality than a frightened fat boy with a beard, it just didn’t fit, I dint like him, I tried to feel him for a few minutes, even to come up with a name for him and I said without knowing where from I had the authority to say it, “I wont work with this fellow.”
The three named looked askance and told me that his official function was to be “the critic of us all,” so that in case we were getting full of ourselves or going to extreme we would have someone that could be insightfully critical, I looked at this overly bloated bearded essence and I couldn’t see it, it just bothered me, maybe it reminded me of something of myself, all scared like that, and repeated, “If I have any say here then I cannot work with him, I don’t trust him.”
Much to my surprise they all agreed and he was asked to leave our presence, which he duly did like a dog with his tail between his legs. Then Morelia noted, “we have to have a critic,” and at that point without further ado a feminine essence came into the room, rather regal and obviously a soul essence that had never worked a day in its life, that sort of lived above it all, well I thought to myself, not that there were any thoughts here that I could keep to myself, well I am not going to be so picky, “Sure she will do fine.”
I thought for only seconds, though I had never hired a soul much less one that had to be a critic for a living, though the job made some sense, and I proposed the name “Domaine”, after my most beloved wife, and the gang did nothing but oblige.
Morelia noted, “There are more participants to this Cabinet, obliged with the mission to reintroduce the spiritual into everyday life, but if we just concentrate on introductions we will never get anywhere and the road ahead is both laborious and full of aberrations.”
At that point Guerneer motioned that I had the most to learn of us all and so he noted that part of the process of indoctrination might have to include, and I quote, “…a sudden but short death for you.” After which I would be revived as myself so it wouldn’t be a reincarnation, and thus I wouldn’t get the chance to return as the femme fatale. Damn!
51 An Intermittent Death Failure
The very next night we all got to working on my sudden & short to be death, with what little I understood I would need to be put to death, my heart would be halted temporarily, it didn’t sound like it would be a long ordeal nor that I would notice much of it. Apparently a spirit was to reach into my heart, not sure who, and they would stop it, and some sort of minor rewiring of my brain, or and my essence, would then take effect, that is at least how I understood it.
At first a black, invisible hand reached into my heart as if to constricted through a gripping massage with a million year interval cycle, but I didn’t feel anything, and I was aware of being awake throughout the outpatient noninvasive procedure. Then a huge dark essence walked around the bed and came to me and engulfed me with all of its presence, it was massive, it expanded its mass far beyond the walls of the room though not the house, it was fascinating, and I released myself, as I thought I was suppose to do wholly and completely, only Morelia put a halt to that.
“No, no don’t release yourself, go back, this is wrong! This is going wrong!” and then Laudin concurred and signal me to halt and so I immediately began a digression process from the black hand and the dark essence, both pertaining to separate entities.
Speaking to the room, “I only trust Morelia and Laudin, I am not sure about Guerneer something cagey about him, I will only trust them, I urge everyone else to get out and get out from within now, no one is allowed within, stay out.”
While the essence engulfing the room was massive it was however dark which meant it wasn’t proactively evil, so it kindly withdrew without apparent regret and you could feel it pulling away just as if you were the sand in the midst of a rip tide; it was, for me, a magnificent feeling of force manifestation.
Then a female spirit intrepidly came into the room, a very strong feminine, and it came on getting into my body, I wasn’t trying to get it off of me though it made an unpleasant essence and it was fluttering all over, coming into and out of me in a very bothersome format, this while Morelia and Laudin kept on warning me, Guerneer wandering why he was participating in this charade, Morelia continued to state that this feminine spirit was interfering, that she wasn’t part of the ensemble and that I needed to get her out of the way. Interestingly they just could not usher her away themselves, apparently more signs of how limited they are indeed.
I gathered from their commentary that because the spirit channel was open anyone could pass by and gawk or interfere and indeed that is what Laudin said, “We have a lot of spirit interference tonight, but we must try again while we have ample access.”
Thus this black invisible hand again went into my heart yet again and still I didn’t seem to die nor did my heart stoppeth, and then another essence more white, and even white with my eyes closed; such essence started to approach me, and this essence I was told I had to accept, the essence was some kind of a god or divine entity, and that truly surprised me for I had never felt a god, and now I was beginning to understand what was happening, the dying and being reborn again event was being put in front of me, and they told me that the divinity would not come to me unless I offered belief, and faith, and this I did try and tried hard to believe but I just couldn’t, but honestly I did try; I told this divinity to please accept me, to allow me into its essence, to reveal itself to me, but I had been an atheist most of my life and I think it was hard-wired into my mind. And then it became obvious that I wasn’t dying my expected short death, and neither was I able to witness the divinity, nor to be born again with awareness of it, not even for an instant was this possible.
I then searched around to review the essences around me and frankly they didn’t seem to be believers in god either, so they were performing a ritual on me that they obviously had not passed themselves, and that made me curious, and so I said:
“You know I believe and have experienced you spirits but God and even Religion are very difficult for me to believe in because I don’t feel God nor Mass religion and I don’t think you guys feel God either and I am not sure such a deity is out there for me.”
They all looked at each other, you could hear them look at each other, their faces were blah, like they were line workers and something had gone haywire and they didn’t know what to do next, they were blank, blank, blank.
Then Morelia repeated, “There is just too much spirit interference, we will let you rest for now and try again later.” And they soon left but the spirit space was wide open and the whole night spirits kept on passing by, I didn’t get much sleep, and what was really bad about that was that, that the very next day I had an interview for a management position at a Mexican restaurant, it would be the sleepless interview. Anyways it seemed now my whole life was a long, long interview.
Don’t think I was happy with finding out that my soul was being handled by a bunch of amateur line workers.
52 None Religious Spirits
Last night’s spirit was a type, that is right a type I have learnt to recognize which is good because it shows progress, and this type of spirit is the type that will get inside of you and not leave you even though it doesn’t say if its intentions are good or bad or if it likes you which would otherwise make everything about it bearable.
This tells us that there are spirits type and if you ever get any of these you’ll know it because you will not feel quite comfortable with its presence you will ask it to leave your body and it wont but rather continue to resonate throughout it and with much more intensity than most spirits. The neat thing about these types is that they will get into you even if you are moving, even if you are plugging your ears and closing your eyes, as they usually like to come in through noise or visual canals, and still these fellows will persist and persist, and of course even as they might be harmless you get scared because you don’t know what is going on.
Las night’s spirit was that of a very large woman and very energetic woman, that had very thick legs as they manifested themselves in mind and well exceeded their circumference, she was a reddish blond hair, had very blushed skin and that is about all I could make of her character, she was unpleasant character, like an uncontrollable drunkard is unpleasant, and most disturbing of all she wanted to stay inside of me even as I asked her and pleaded and well kicked her out, she didn’t leave, she stayed, and when she finally did manage to leave she would come back at will, and more petrifying I could hear her coming back, hear her coming back from far away, as if she had gone far off and then decided heck I’ll visit that fellow again. And sure enough she infused herself on me, but she seemed to have no particular agenda, she didn’t really care about me, she didn’t seem to be having any fun herself, and did something to my legs and lower body with her surging energy which didn’t seem to have any viable or perceptible purpose to me, so I wondered if she had changed something in me like one changes a tire on a car and the car doesn’t seem to notice.
I did the usual S.O.S call into the universal benevolent whatever and pleaded for them to get this thing out of my body, it was my body and I wanted out! Regardless of the varying supplications no one came to get her out and I was stuck with such for much of the night, this even as I bothered to splash myself with water, drink tea in excess, walk around the house, caress my cats and hug my sleeping wife, the spirit just pulsed through me without a hitch, early morning hours it finally left.
The interesting thing about this encounter was that after a while it became obvious that she wasn’t going to harm me, or that she wasn’t evil, as I seem to be encountering most of the non evil universe for amateurs, and she didn’t have a religion to her either, which most of the spirits that I have encountered don’t either, that is they don’t seem to have a religion, you can tell this because you can sense many things about them, if not everything when they habit your body, there seems to be a translucent character about anything that touches you at the spiritual level, as if they could not be psychological about their contacts, or they could not deceive one another or at least not the one they are within. But I think again that this is very interesting because before my spiritual habitations I would have imagined that spirits and religion were mutually inclusive but it turns out that they are not, at least by my experience, which was also why I wasn’t really helped out of this nasty possession event, since I don’t have religion in me there weren’t going to be any gods acting on my behalf, but it hasn’t all been a none religious experience for me.
The night prior to the insolent reddish haired woman habitation, I had what I would consider a somewhat religious experience of the Buddhist variety where you can feel that a nature can have many spirit gods, many faces of god.
There were a series of spirits that came and went into the night, and finally there were two spirits that came to me, out of a sense of maturity I didn’t bother to name them, they seemed to be spirits that I sensed from before for they knew me, and I recognized their voices, they were talking to me, though I wasn’t really understanding very much of what they said, still they kept on talking and talking as if they belonged to some sort of Spiritual Council, they showed me some spherical expression of earth depressed into a bowl that undulated into a presumed apex sun, and it was then I realized that they were more than just spirits, they were either spirits traveling from some sort of earth future, or spirits astro-plaining from some other universal aspect acting in some sort of material context, they plainly expressed an interest on earth happenings, all of it completely incomprehensible to me, and yet they kept on talking as if I understood or perhaps they thought that I would have some kind of a post encounter comprehension.
The Spiritual Council had airs about it of the official kind, and there was a lot of silence about everything that was done, everyone that I saw and felt there was reverent towards something but I am not sure what, they seemed to observe some kind of a communion with one another but again in introspective silence, you could sense them however feeling each other, feeling each other, it was religious to say the least, and then there was some kind of interference from another source, as if I had crossed signals with another civilization, and I could sense an opaque similarity to earth technologies, straight lines, machining, technology type of things that would be to tedious to describe here, and I could tell that they were not talking as part of the Spiritual Council because the Spiritual Council only had a spiritual essence whereas this other signal interfering was coming from something more physical, something where you could observe geometry and elements and properties, soul experiences have no moving parts, only currents and undertows but there are no external defining properties, and this signal kept on crossing my channels with the Spiritual Council, and they kept on psychically asking me to have a boy child for them to cross from their physical space zone into earth, and this was somehow vital for them and my wife and I would be doing everyone a great favor.
This is not the first time, as the reader will know, that I am asked to have a child, I think now that birth is a method by which some travel takes place in the universe, the transference of essence types or spiritual demarcations may well be transcended through birth, that would explain why in my short time meditating into spiritual habitations the birthing request are being made so frequently. I however was certainly not willing to have a little boy, besides which I still had my wife to convince of something that would seem very strange to her, I wouldn’t want a little boy from another metaphysical-technology driven civilization, I would much prefer to birth a purely metaphysical desire driven spirit!
I eased myself a ways from that psychic communication and went back into the spiritual council stream which told me that I needed to imagine water and then my entire body, which now was sort of a giant monolith was slowly cumbering over a floating stream, as if it were part of this floating stream, and I could feel the nature all over it, the flowers, the water drifting unwontedly towards some unforgiving direction, serenity splashing itself unto me, I could hear the stream, I could hear the birds, and I then saw a spirit coming from within the water essence, she was at first a little harsh featured, stern and then somehow became gentle, she said her name was Sorena, and that she was a water spirit, and what a magnificent water spirit, her expression was the expression of the nature around me, and I was floating in the water and the water was floating through me, and I felt a certain religion or faith or something inexplicable, as if I were married to this nature in some intrinsic way and neither the nature nor I could ever divorce or be at odds with one another even if tragic events, came to pass or others surmounted our beings.
I cannot do descriptive justice to this moment, I feel it within me and I am most pleased by it, I feel my cosmic marriage to Sorena the water spirit that must be married to us all, I don’t know where she is now or how to get in touch with her, but I know we are together wherever I see a branch floating in the water, a stream trickle over a rock formation, where the bottom of a lake stretches to reach the surface, where a leaf falls on the surface making ripples of wind, where a tree rises by my side, where moss inches its way towards me, I see insects walking on water and I see her.
54 Soul Landslides
There was a warning something about a rebirth, something about having to die for a little bit, and then to return, they said it wouldn’t hurt, slight discomfort was described, and the first attempt was a complete failure, I had to let go, be calm, stir within some inner nothingness that dwells somewhere between the cervical and pelvic vertebrate region, once my mind’s eye stirred this region with tantric motions the death stop would simply occur. Of course I kept on stirring the region and feeling it moving or more accurately feeling my mind’s eye stirring the emptiness within that region in much the same way as one might twist and trick with a jump rope, I became entangled in the fun of it and kept on moving it in any number of directions to test its pliability and came to conclude that it could very much rotate, swirl and undulate with polar limitations as if they were hoisting points that would gyrate within the vertebrates framework. The space of this nothingness did seem infinite, as I suppose all nothingness probably is. But what I mean here is that because of my inexperience my mind’s eye got distracted with this new movement of essence and this somehow messed the rehabilitating quick-death-stop procedure.
This might a been the reason why I was surprised one early morning, probably at around 4 to 5 am, when I found myself trying to get up and out of bed and the only thing I could see and feel was my skeleton, and this skeleton wasn’t very flexible it was rather cumbersome to move as if it had not been lubricated, and so it was cracking and my movements were cranky, and every inch of progress was locked as if the gears had gotten stuck, and you had to push harder, which I was doing only to very little progress, I made a motion to turn towards my wife, who, as you must already suspect, sleeps the sleep of the just, and as I turned my skull, for it was my skull and not my head that I was turning, the prospect of letting my wife see me like this caused me to hesitate, but equally I was in some kind of a difficult situation so I tried to speak but only rough grinding grunts came out as if my voice were made out of grinding bone, and then finally the whole thing ceased up about six inches of the bed my shoulder blades and skull collapsed back into the bed and there I appeared again to conform to normal body apparition.
The thing is I wasn’t scared, which is not like me not to be scared, but again seeing spirits makes you less scare, so all this strange activity was happening and I was comfortable with it more I wanted it, and when there were nights of complete spirit absence, I would get all distraught, I would miss them terribly, and I would try to imagine what I had done wrong to make them avoid me.
The entire seeing, feeling, sensing of my skeleton as if there were nothing else attached to it could only have been a death instance or, and this was the greater possibility, or someone had died within the vicinity that I knew, and I had merely sensed their stretching rigormortis. I opted to suspect the first, it was a death instance and this suspicion was confirmed because I felt a high level of exhaustion throughout and wanted to rest, but before I could drift into a comforting and rejuvenating sleep I felt an amazing sensation of soothing calm, a majestic calm, something which is becoming frequent, this soothing calm that seems to have some stay in the universal plane, and it unfolds and envelops me, and seems to reach eternity, and that is when I left my body. I hadn’t left my body in such a conscious way since my early twenties, and in my twenties leaving my body wasn’t a voluntary experience nor a wanted experience, nor a pleasant experience. It was horror, once I started to leave my body while on the metro in Madrid Spain, I held tightly to the metal-bar so that I could stay in this world, and then there was a morning or night, I am not sure which in which I felt my self eroding into another dimension in the form of a soul slide into the nether, and what I felt was at the other side was not a pleasant experience at all, there was horror at the other side, not sure what but whatever it was it was hideous, and I gripped a lamp by my night stand to prevent myself from slighting into the nothingness.
Now I ought note that I have thought a great deal about those instances, I kept on thinking what if I did let go, what if I hadn’t held on to this reality where would I end up what would I see, and why was this type of dimensional spiritual slide possible, were metaphysical dimensions capable of continental shifts and of dragging souls or even ripping soul fabric apart! Or was it possible that one could spontaneously exhaust once essence in this world, was the fact that I was so troubled by the goings in this existence making me frictionless against other probabilities, was my mind’s eye collapsing me?
There are no quick or simple answers for this, except that I can now tell you that it is possible to have a full out of body experience without feeling horror and fear. As I drifted out of my body I went right up to the ceiling, and face to face with the ceiling I grasped the entire room, seeing everything as if the geometry of everything was perforating throughout my body and thus giving me first hand knowledge of it. Then a few seconds later I drifted willingly and pleasantly back into my body, and felt the body and soul essence coming gently together as neither was resisting the other, and then my eyes started to see again, and once more I was inundated by the immense calm, a whiteness washed all throughout and I just lay there feeling, feeling till I fell sleep.
55 Spiritual Reformations & Corporeal Happenings
The spiritual essences intentionally drifting into my corporeal self have increased immensely, we are making significant progress in some unknown direction, that is I don’t know if they have some kind of intent with me but there are hints that serious things are happening, however I don’t know precisely what it is but it does seem that there is some fundamental change taking place, and again my suspicions, based on some of my metaphysical communiqués would imply that the spiritual is to take a more active role in daily affairs in this here material life.
That of course has many consequences, as the spirits proactively insert themselves into our field of consciousness, they will cause a psychic disruption in our frames of reference towards self and towards our material necessity and towards universe. This could imply that we might have a difficult time holding down a job, something I can relate to rather well, especially now that I just want to spend all of my time with the spirits; but also it seems that random acts of violence are not so random and that sometimes the pain be it from famine, illness cannot be avoided as it is part of any catharsis.
I have been given to understand that they don’t have precise control over organic existence or physical events, they cannot readily cause an earthquake or a volcanic eruption, it appears instead that by increasing the odds of an event happening they can merely turn a set of combined propensities into a desired intent. Jesus Christ for instance might a been a manifestation of many-souls-energies combined in such goodwill way that they could hope to normalize nomadic or drifting thought processes; though if you were to ask me I would say, “Why would they make Jesus so sacrificial?” While the outcome may remain paradoxical till we can say their intent must be acknowledged, it was to somehow protrude into the human consciousness and coerce kindness and goodness into everyday life.
The spiritual essences combined in the corporeal Jesus Christ didn’t intend on crucifying itself, it just worked out that way. But what is even more interesting pertains to the current change of events taking place, spiritual essence is pounding physical spirit energy is such a manner as we pound steel and concrete to make a foundation, only spiritual essence works with spirit energy and interpretive human essence. And right now we are being pounded so as to reform our spiritual true North and our awareness of it and as a result of that also our psychic essence.
And how are they doing this? One aspect of it is what appears to us as random violence but it isn’t so, it is actually violence in order to iron out the spiritual plane, that is to make a sort of flow in some intended direction to nurture a different sort of existence, we may have, had we been there, witness the same with the Industrial or/and French revolutions, and this changes tend to be brusque against the human consciousness because as lives are destroyed by whatever means then the spiritual energy recombines in a different state; World War I and World War II were certainly a major redistribution project of resources, physical energy, spiritual essence and even psychological and psychic frames, we however saw them as wars between Germany and Japan against the rest of the world, but in reality these were spiritually induced recycling of spiritual energy projects so as to renormalize the foundations of our existence into a different state of being.
Apparently once we are born there is very little that can be changed, most of the character definition is done for and the characters are all justified in taking some hard line approach towards daily existence, when these solidify and crust too much the spirit world has to interfere to keep the material corporeal foundation pliable, they may then instigate a series of events that will politically or socially or artistically or religiously destabilize global matters, the wars, revolutions and catharsis than ensues, such as WW II are pretty much the final rampage of unseen ensuing events and generally they, the spirits, will not be in the final aspect, they just have to let 12 million get slaughtered so that they can change the spiritual function, the psychic makeup of the individuals, and reform a society and world.
If you have ever played that game where there is a surface, and chipmunks pop out of holes that are evenly spaced throughout, and you are trying to catch them with a hammer the very moment that they stick their heads out, there you have it, that is what the spirit world does with us, it kills certain characters and favors or misses certain others, in order to degree the world more in this or that direction, but they only have so much control, at some point we take over, at other times nature takes over, sometimes even the universe interferes, and that is what is happening right now, people are killing people without knowing why, in what can crudely be called random acts of violence or fanatic violence such as September 11th, but in fact this are the least random or fanatic and have in them the greatest intent, to change the corporeal foundation built with spirit essence in the here and now. And we must judge these acts accordingly because our human fiber does not plan global catastrophe, it might think it but too many things make us fall apart.
This is my first significant Halloween night since the progress I have made with the spirits comes into making this night relevant, only it isn’t at first, I think there is nothing about Halloween that is about what I am feeling within, the spirits don’t seem scary, they are not generally so, there may well be drama in their histories, but not horror, horror doesn’t seem to permeate their essence, and so it is with some disgust that I watch the unfolding Halloween scene, still I tell myself, “we humans we are harmless,” this comforts me, some.
My adorable Kim had the candy all ready to go, her mother Velrie, ever pouring cement on cultural foundations made sure to leave plenty of candy and pumpkins, she sort of knew that we would not pay attention to the details, and so we were fully stocked to sell candy but we were expected to give it away for a simple “tricky treat.” Kim added some candles to the window, a sort of welcoming gesture, and the first hour or so I was alone, waiting.
The door bell rang and it was a princess, she had a silk disguise, with a dab too much pink, and she seemed poised to change nothing in the world, she didn’t even say the magic words, simply I gave her the candy, while her mother watch over me to make sure I wasn’t a pervert out to get a princess. The next candy getter was Superman, the kid was spoiled, he looked like he hadn’t had to beg for a single thing his whole entire life, he had nicely cut blond hair, so less than a half hour apart Superman and the Princess had missed each other, I gave the candy as the vigilant mother looked on to make sure I wasn’t some candy bully out to beat up her Superman son.
Fortunately Domaine arrived home then, and I was relieved of giving away candy while the candy companies refused to do the same. The rest of the night wasn’t that good either, the children had stayed away, we were left with a lot of candy to watch over. Eventually we went to sleep, well I should say Kim went to sleep because I had a bad cold, stripped throat, a bothersome cough, and I wasn’t about to contact the spirits even as I had looked forward to interview them on a night of such significance.
“I am to sick to concentrate tonight, so if you want to communicate spirits you will have to do all the work.” With that I lay on my side, a sort of negative posture, and tried to huddle myself some rest. It wasn’t long before a spirit came into my body, and altered the current flows enough so that I could detect that there was a significant presence within me, it was someone that I knew, I could tell because he marked the same pressure points below my knees, as if wearing boots, or some form of noticeable restraining attire, it was a male spirit from the restaurant, it lived in the hangings from the ceiling, I knew this because one day while working late at the restaurant I decided to ask if there were any spirits living there, and when my hair stood on end and a pulse went through my body I had my answer, also I felt something tightening below my knees, such it was.
The spirit followed me home that night, or probably didn’t follow me it seems like they can just zoom into wherever at will so he came over and showed me an image, on my third eye, of a man that was either going to hang or had been hung, I am not sure because I looked away, I didn’t want that image in my mind’s eye. Then the spirit showed me how he saw the restaurant from where he perched, so that I can identify almost precisely where he hangs or sits from the ceiling, so as to look over the customers and staff, and to see a bit of the outside world. He never told me why he stayed there, though I asked if there was something I could do to liberate him from such a habitat, he abstained from asking for my help or even from saying the why of his presence there. And then we forward the days to Halloween and he came to see me, I asked him to heal me if he could, and didn’t much pay any more attention to him, though he left in good terms.
Then I must have fallen sleep because the next thing I am waking up to the standard issued noise from the spirits, they like to wake people up, “Hey wake up.” That is more or less what they are saying, they don’t like you sleeping, your not good to them sleeping, you are out, they want you to be conscious when they make contact. I woke up.
Instantly one came into my body, low soothing pulse, I told the spirit that I was feeling ill that I needed to heal, to please be gentle with me, of course this was Halloween night, I wasn’t expecting them to listen, another spirit came into the room, and another, there must a been six of them, all of them looking at me, watching me, then a sort of tarry low level background music came into my ears, it rung low, it was obnoxious, I asked them to turn it off, they refused or they were not its source, I don’t know which, then, something beautiful but unexpected and came to ease my tensions, I seemed to be in a crib, and they were taking care of me, they were soothing me with their presence, with warm cozy blankets, I was a baby, or felt like one, and everything was being cared for, I had no worries, no ailment, there was a powder smell, obnoxious really, along with the music, but the rest of the feelings that were being formed within me were all comforting, I felt happy, I felt cared for, protected, soothed.
This lasted a good ten minutes or so, then they left, but they left me with some very warm feelings, I had been cared for in Halloween, not scared, cared for, it was all gorgeous. After they left I still had my flu symptoms, still felt awful, but happy, happy, a rare movement.
57 What gives birth to spirits?
There have been many spirit nights, so many that I can conclude now without reason that there are at least six spirits per person alive, you can see the over spirit population, I wonder where they all come from, what gives birth to spirits?
But other questions come up that come after that one, that might be more answerable, sometimes you cannot answer the first question so you just have to move to the next level without it, answer what you can, it helps sooth the senses, that is enough. The next question that comes to mind answers itself, if we have bodies and these bodies are in essence energized by spirit then does that mean that the body is not really sacred, that we can really do anything we want to it, as the spirit can come in and out of body, in death and in birth. Of course the answer is yes, plastic surgery, it is ok because the body is just a suit of the soul, sometimes the soul wants a tattoo other times it needs to be repaired with a liver transplant, the body isn’t so sacred if it is just a suit, that seems rather self explanatory.
Then it occurs to me, I sense some evil spirits within me, at least two, I don’t know how they got in, they have been there for some time though I admit I didn’t know it, I am such a difficult person that you could see how I could have demons possessing me without my own awareness of it, that is possible, and then I was meditating the other night and some other spirits, apparently benevolent told me that I needed to expurgate myself of two evil spirits that were within me, and then it occurred to me that this body can have more than one spirit empowering it, magnificent if true, there just isn’t enough spirit clothing, bodies are hard to come by. Living one’s specially.
But then it gets a little weirder, as I was doing my benevolent spirit chanting to oust the couple daemons within, I noticed that part of my fun side would leave with them, that maybe I would lose my wit, and more I did feel that I would lose my charm, goodness itself isn’t charming, I felt that, and of course it felt entirely correct, I couldn’t deny my own feeling of not wanting to be a flat character, character might well be demonic in nature, it makes almost perfect sense, and then it occurs to me that maybe evil is some times necessary, that there is good evil, I mean to humans evil might be helpful, I don’t want to quote instances but at least in my case, I could lose my charm without these couple of deamons.
I stopped trying to exorcize them from my body, I don’t know if I was too late, I will keep you posted if I get any more boring.
Still further questions arise, can your soul change bodies in the here and now, I think that is a possibility, I think it will be difficult to do, but I think the soul can change bodies, it is still an exotic event, but it can happen, so the revelations thus far prove beautiful in every respect and I feel a certain joy in this new awareness, there is a dominant soul within me, that is me, there are spirits that are perched within me, some bad some good, I don’t know how many spirits make up a person but I think mostly only one, it is rare to have two or three within, at least that is what I feel now.
There is something else, I have been visited by the spirit at the restaurant a few times, and I think I can deduce something that he may have made me aware of, spirits perch. He is perched at the top of the ceiling of this restaurant and largely remains there, which is a bit odd, you have to think why would a spirit go year on year perched in the same place? but you hear about it, you hear about this spirits that habit the same house for generations, and rooms in hospitals and so on, and now I know what it is, they are just hiding, they are spirits that don’t want to interact with the entire universe of spirits, they want to keep to themselves, some of course are stuck, they didn’t get out on time, they were caught in a moment, looped into a reoccurring reality that they can’t outfox, but there are many spirits that adopt a tree or a room or a building or in this case a restaurant, he just wants to be in that sameness, there is some form of tranquility in him, he isn’t going anywhere, he is just going to wait it all out there, some day the earth will come to some end, we cannot even think that far.
58 The message is not clear
A spirit comes to me, it is a tomboyish athletic build short black hair, soft facial features and seems to be eating something but obviously for effect as I am sure she doesn’t eat nor is that her image, it is an image that I can understand that she has projected unto this third eye, she is here to help me, after a long list of supplications they finally have sent someone to listen to my cosmic grievances, she takes notes but hasn’t asked me anything, I realize that the notes are about my conditions and upcoming changes, she seems like she is happy to be here to help me, but not really, she doesn’t really care, she is following procedure, had she not made herself cute she could have easily been an employee of the department of motor vehicles telling me, “take a number wait for your turn.”
Since she didn’t bother to ask I just attempted to make some form of conscionable contact but she didn’t engage and was gone within a minute of her appearance. I am just not that difficult of a case to diagnose, I am sure I was given a number, regardless for sure I am waiting.
While I am at work the restaurant spirit has decided to make some odd types of contacts, normally a spirit comes all within and does a fairly routine review of the inhabited character by throbbing through the body-biology and reaching into brain and soul, but the spirit at the restaurant has now decided to do random buddy taps, at one point throughout the day, he will touch my head, near the ear, at another on my crown, then tap me in the arm or on the leg, this is all new in the way that it happens, it is more as if he were saying, “I am here with you buddy.” Or “Pay attention I am near.” Regardless of the meaning the interaction is most welcomed by me, I am thrilled and confess this to him which he seems to take kindly and maintains his whimsical interactions to which I respond with love and smiles. The world doesn’t know, the whole world around us doesn’t know.
When I get home I ask Domaine what the procedure is to be interned into an asylum, she doesn’t know, she thinks, “It would surprise us to find out how easy it is to get in, I don’t think it will take much.” I respond, “I think it is harder than we think.” But then I think maybe she is right, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, pharmacologists, nurses they all have a vested interest in lunacy where frequency and quantity matters. Domaine says, “Why do you ask?” I tell her I am hearing voices, voices telling me that there is a bomb on top of some transformer pole, waiting to go off at 3pm, there are many voices orbiting me, they are however crashing into each others paths, making it all inaudible and incoherent. 3 o’clock arrives I try not to feel bad about it.
A spirit comes into the room making a glorious entry, sort of saying, “I am here, I am here.” This while moving all around the room and creaking the furniture the necessary amount to impress upon me its presence. I enter the contemplative state so that I can nurture the spirit’s energies within me, within instance the spirit tells me to open my eyes, normally I prefer to have my eyes close so as to have access to the images that they plant on my frontal lobe, but I open my eyes, the spirit then goes to show itself to me, I open my eyes, a flash of magenta appears on the ceiling and blotches its way across the ceiling, from left to right then back, my eyes track it then it posits its magenta essence straight in front of me, I blink frequently to make sure that I am not transfixing blotches from irritated eyes, spirit persists, glorious magenta aura, splat in front of me, it moves through a splating discontinuous sequence of steps, as if it had to turn over on its back and then its front so as to move and it seems a cumbersome movement, it isn’t swift, splat a botch in front of me, then unglue, unstuck and splat again.
Eventually splotchy magenta leaves or doesn’t show itself anymore, my Loki cat made an unusual appearance when splotchy was in the room, he got up and started to look around as if he knew something was in the room but couldn’t see it, then he stared me down as if I were suppose to fess up to what I was hiding from him. I just smiled at him, perhaps at last it will be possible to have the cats realize and acknowledge some of the contacts through some kind of reaction. There have been some signs of it before in Pacho and Sarah cats, but it is too difficult to say because our cats have a general tendency to spook to easily over anything, making it difficult for any logical discernment of their spirited concerns.
I have had numerous calls from creatures that do not seem like spirits, they seem more like alien races, they have lots of technology, I see it because once they come into contact you can actually sense their inherent environment, and mostly it comes out metal, logic, technology, inquisitive knowledge and reason are apparent, what if all the spirits here too are merely multidimensional beings, then what of any and all the touching, and one must molest one’s self to ask the question of what is free will in such an interactive and combustible environment.
Tina, works with me at the restaurant, I had not told her all the happenings with my spirits but she is a horse trainer and as such a horse lover, she tells me that this gorgeous horse Kelvin is a jumper, and has quite the ego about wanting to be the best at it, but that he was panicking and even refusing to jump over a puddle and even over something so mundane as a fake training pond; that is to say that immediately upon seeing the fake pond this horse would recoil, freak and throw off its Jinete. After three riders it became impossible to continue with the training, eventually everyone left and it was just Kalvin and Tina in the training area. She was also unable to ride him, so Tina and her dog spent a good portion of time walking over this false pond, back and forth and still horse did not seem to want to go ahead with the training.
Tina looked at horse and said something to the effect of, “common what are we doing here what is going on with you?” She knew that he was made, bread and born to jump, she knew that he wanted to jump and that he was marvelous at it, and then Kalvin responded, she tells me, “horses don’t talk they just send you images, they communicate in images they know what you are thinking, they feel it.” I was pleasantly pleased to hear her say that, and then she said, “Kalvin then flashed what had put him into this panic condition over his jump right into my mind, and I saw that he had been jumping with his previous owner and had taken a very severe fall, which led the girl that owned him to sell him off, and that is how he had ended at Tina’s stable.” And in an instant, faster that words could communicate horse and trainer understood one another, where then Tina proceeded to help him overcome his fear, and now he is again a good jumper, thanks in part to Tina, that possesses such amazing horse sense.
59 Compounded Spirits
I have been lazy I admit it, even as the spirits seem to favor me and effortlessly come to me without requiring too much concentration, I have not been diligent, I have preferred to voraciously drink my wine and sleep, and sleep, I have slept long hours, days, nights, every second off I sleep, I dream, I oversleep, I wakeup without an ounce of sleep left in me, it feels horrible to oversleep, you get a weird sense of being blah, you wait it out until sleep again accumulates so that you can feel normal again, and there you have it, I sleep again. I get kind of hysterical, what if the spirits stop visiting me because they will tire of waiting for me, what if they just abandon me, ok, ok, my head is going to burst with inflamed nerves, I will concentrate, from now on I am going to pay more attention to the spirits, and who knows maybe we will move forward and see something new and different, not that I am empty of chronicles, I have still much to tell you.
The bed has been getting uncomfortable, I have been opting to contemplate the spirits from the couch or the lazy-boy chair, I have decided that since the spirits have not honored my multiple requests to be able to levitate and to read minds, then it must be that those options are far from possible for them, so I have started to ask for simpler miracles, instant Chinese. Yes I want to learn Chinese but I don’t want to learn it I want to just spontaneously start speaking fluent Mandarin, there is no reason why this isn’t possible as all languages must be in the supra-consciousness of all of our humanity, all the spirits would have to do is just grant me access to the emotive supra-consciousness or to the Akashic record where all emotive knowledge is; I thought of asking for the ability to sing like a whale but I would just be happy with Chinese. In keeping with the need to remind them constantly of anything, this morning I tuned in a Chinese musical radio station, I couldn’t understand anything, will keep testing it, next time I will cut my hair at an Asian salon, will keep you posted if I get access to Akashic Mandarin.
Anyways, laying on the bed my back isn’t happy about it, the spirits don’t like you all curled up in the fetal position, they don’t like you on your side, the prefer that you assume a perfectly prostrate, face up, position, no pillow, your head tilted back a little, this aligns your chakras and vertebrate to their maximum possible within the cosmic spectrum and there you have greater access to their dimensions and they to yours. I assumed the position and started my general count down, slightly concentrated breathing and a focus of energies upon my temples, there is a rush of blood upwards through my neck, and then the spirits flood, literary flood the room, it is at least a half dozen, I asked them to show themselves to me, and this they do without hesitation, two and three perform for me, perfectly in front of me, dancing this white figureless blossoms, joined, ripening and then dispersing through the room in a sort of flurry of dances, all magical. This relaxes me incredibly, I become joyous and my body relaxes even further, and something transpires because I begin to become a log and they like water and they fill me with their essence water and over flood me, and rush out through all of my holes, and slip away, slip away through the pouring of my trunk.
It has now become possible for me to consistently see spirits, they flutter as black or white or magenta shadows through the room and house, I can sense them coming, they wake me up often just to get my attention, at least if we haven’t accomplished any phenomenal communications or done anything for the world at large, we at least continue to entertain each other and more critical the consistency of my experiences is a welcomed assurance that they are to some degree satisfied with the interaction.
However that is not to say that everything is pleasant, there have been a couple of difficult experiences, and one that particularly stands out, I have however and you must know it, accepted that there could be danger in this, while I don’t have any diabolical interests that doesn’t mean that evil doesn’t exist and that it couldn’t co-opt me for its own purposes, but as I have told you earlier, the quest is far beyond interesting, it is something that must be pursued regardless of the outcomes.
Two spirits came to me, they were absolutely married to each other as if they were Siamese twin spirits, they paraded in front of me, and before they arrived a voice had anticipated them saying, “No, no, no.” as sort of an alert that I ought not let them enter my body, however when they did come in, two-as-one that intrigued me, and I let them through into me, and they were intense, I walked around the house and they stayed with me, I drank juice and they were with me, these were not your typical fragile spirits, and that sort of got my curiosity further because I am after an always-on spiritual engagement.
After realizing their strength, and their unity I kept searching for a specific negative energy signature, this they did not possess or I could not detect it, but then I saw a horrible face, perhaps their combined faces as enmeshed by their horrible acts, it was a putrid yellowish dark mass of pain, and then their story was flashed into me, he had killed her, I am not sure why but the murderer and murdered were fused into one soul movement, they were now inseparably connected in a stale crime dance, such was the revelation, I asked them to leave, I told them I dint want evil within me, I told them to please leave my body, they would not, they persisted, it was then that I found myself in the most interesting of quandaries.
Normally when you have to ask a spirit to leave, or even two-in-one, you just say, “you are not welcome here please leave this body…,” and as simple as that might sound for some strange reason it works, or seems to work most of the time though a couple of times the evicted spirits stick around the room or even within your body trying to exert their energies within you. I presume that, in extreme cases, this can lead to the ousting of the persons soul and it could then be supplanted with that of the visiting spirit, that is what I think is called a possession and I presume further that a possession, where there is sufficient struggle could turn into a compounded spirit situation, where now two souls are as one in one physical body, that is they habit the same space-time conditions and there must then be cases where the body’s original spirit will stay within said body and engage in an all out fight for the sole use of its anatomical body; whereas then you have to get other people involved to oust one of them, and there is not much of a pretty ending for this type of habitation rights struggles. However in my case it had always worked out that I could oust the spirits by just asking them to leave or exerting a great deal of physical activity so that the real world would help me overcome them, this does work, it also works if you say a few nice things about how you are connected to the cosmic essence of all things emotive, and how they will help you oust an unwelcome spirit, and somehow or other the cosmic energies do often come to your rescue, that is, after you say a few hail Mary’s or chant or speak effusively in some benevolent direction. However there was here my dilemma, having not been to church I didn’t know any prayers, I always had to make them up and I was fine with that as I had an endemic sense of prayer towards the divine spirit of the emotive essence, besides that I was their prime philosopher, the universe had to favor me. However this night I could not think of any orations, I went entirely blank, I couldn’t muster anything, even “our father that are in heaven…” even that I couldn’t recall, and so I was there helplessly against these two crime circling spirits, and naught to do.
Well it wasn’t because of chanting or praying or rescuing angels, at some point the two did leave and I was most grateful, particularly because I worried that they intended to sabotage my little girl that we were now presuming was inside of my wife’s womb though it was still too early to tell if she was indeed pregnant, yet I took it upon myself to be concerned and I did feel the spirits inspecting my sperm sack, something which other spirits have done and I am not sure why, still as you may imagine I was very happy when they left, wanting not to have a baby girl that would be possess by evil forces at birth. Anyways, after that little scare I decided to try to meditate further away from Domaine, as I didn’t want to usher any danger to her and the baby, obviously that doesn’t guarantee anything, but also you know I will not quit my excursions into the magnificent metaphysical.
60 Loops of Consciousness
Spirits again continue to do very much the same thing, nothing unusual to report except that two night ago, two spirits gave me a vision of one being a motherly figure and the other a father mentoring spirit, and then they both joined in handing me a little girl, perhaps it was Iglesia that both Domaine and I were expecting until yesterday, she got her period. It was a cold shock, I could tell she was hesitant to tell me, she took a phone call and flittingly passed the bad news unto me.
Obviously we have only been trying for a month so we ought not worry, but one does start to imagine if one is even capable of having a baby, if there isn’t something wrong down there, if the DNA machinery that bonds souls into the physical world is working, at the same time one doesn’t dwell, again it is only been a month but when those spirits flashed that vision of the handing over of our baby girl they were inspiring a wished reality, and then I caught myself thinking: did I make that vision happen? Was it my ability to conjure things up that was making the visions possible, was I making my own consciousness rise to the occasion of metaphysical connections? And if true then were the spirits and the cosmic essence all inside my head in one tiny self serving loop?
The conclusions that I reached might as well be self-serving too, but limited consciousness has to accept such things. In the case earlier I had concluded that evil spirits are necessary to add wit and character to a person, even the fighting spirit for one’s causes comes from such essence types that are whiling to suppress other energy expressions and commandeer them for their own sake, so that I was absolutely lined with accepting that perhaps everything is one, 1 loop and the only thing that matters is the size of the loop, that gave me a sort of happy conclusion, I could be stuck in a loop, a mind loop, an emotional loop, a perception loop, a subconscious or conscious loop, that was a given, all I had to do was make sure that it was a big enough loop so that it would save me from my self encroaching ways.
What that means is that I have to make sure that others are included in my loop, that is that my loops are not self serving but that they serve others as well, it is more difficult to keep imagining a falsehood if it is amortize throughout others, thus I came to the conclusion that what others believe is indeed “central” to what I believe. In other words my thoughts and ideas have to complete themselves through others and travel back to me in such a way that I can hear them from them others, that would complete the loop for me, any other loop that is self absorbed, that is only my whim or my idea or my concept would be folly, I am now sure of that.
Recently while talking to my best beloved father in law, Jerry, an analog engineer by profession, he took the time to explain how electricity works, something about an electron being forced off its orbit around the atom, electrons would then be forced to hop from one atom to the other, this as an outsider energy forced them off their own orbits, it was fascinating, the charger was creating a critical condition within say a battery, and only when the loop was completed, the electrons rushing to cease orbit hoping between the bridged positive and negative, to stabilize the system, to simmer in a mutual calm where no one would then be pushing anyone else around, a discharged battery state, and this unsettling reactions gave off electricity in the process of their consternations, this was a shared loop example. The electrons will not necessarily end up in the context of their original atom, but they will end in a same type atom orbit, meaning that the truth of the atom and the electron was confirmed by their shared physics-consistency, say all copper electrons are thinking alike, that makes for one giant-cross-divisional loop, a piece of copper in a huge loop made of little loops, within that context I wanted to think of my spiritual consciousness, how it has risen through generations of humanities, and how all of us must some how trust ourselves to be in silent observance of it, my wife’s spirit seems centuries old, she has accumulated this immense certainty of self, she doesn’t have to look for the spiritual life because in some ways she is a cathedral essence; and you can see how some beings might not need to be religious because the faith is so much a part of them that it goes unnoticed, while others practicing the faith, and needing the faith might have to do so because it is all outside of them; perhaps I now understand my quest for spirituality, I am trying to get inside of that loop, I am discharging myself so as to become one with the cosmic metaphysical essence, my religion however is found because of my lack of it, it is something that I hunger for, others far deeper into pure essence must have no need of gods, or angels, subsisting merely in their presently unfolding task thus appearing too sure and somewhat unconscious, while those of us questioners are thinking ourselves the wisest blossoming doubters.
61 Number Devolution and a Cracked Left Brain
As I continue to enter the meditations mainly through a number count backwards to my date of birth I have noted that I came to a deep blue realization that the number sequence didn’t matter, that order was not a factor, I could skip a number within the context of a serial sequence and it didn’t matter, the contemplative state continued to materialize, then I realized that I could count upon any set of numbers from any set of sequences, say down from a million, up from 213, 213 then being number one, so that implied that any number could be number one and I could just make it so by initiating the dictation accordingly, I did this for a few nights and it amazingly made no difference in the reaching of higher consciousness levels, of course I was also beginning to realize the implications, zero was also a number and a value, and so zero could also be a one, 1; that implied that zero maintained a value, why even just the exertion of saying “zero”, made it a value of energy and as such it gave mass to the number, thus zero represents something always, the most something of the most nothingness, and the real zero doest exist, that is it isn’t, it is as close as we can get to the concept of zero from our angle of observation. It all does get more interesting as I noticed that the realization that zero had a sum less than one but slightly more than nothing begun to allow my brain’s special perception-expanding and thus allowing for the greater metal tolerances that a zero with value now required, and that pushed a greater amount of spatial conceptualization further so that now I, a person that is naturally mathematically challenged, could interspersed mathematical expressions in the process of a meditation. By that I mean that I could have two running mathematical serial points stretching outwards from the same point of origin, I could keep that in my head, this might be insignificant to any average practitioner of math, but for a sufferer of number paranoia, this was a sincere accomplishment, specially when it came as a result of scaling the metaphysical. The sequence goes like this, you pick a number, say you pick 397, you can call that your “initiation” number, and now you can take that number simply in your mind and start two opposing lines, one in the direction of 396 and one in the direction of 398, and the sequence continues to 395 and concatenates with 399, and correspondingly 394 and 400, you can of course end the contemplation of this separating serial lines when you reach zero or any other value number that you have so deigned with that value, an ending value. The lines do not have to end together but I found that the altercating melody scratches the cosmic rhythm if one ends abruptly.
The very night that I initiated this type of meditation I found that I had a large volcanic crack size revelation through the center of my left-brain, almost as if an axe had cut through it, but not to damage it, but to open it.
It is now possible to run parallel lines of serial concatenating arithmetic progressions: Starting 301, continuing, 302 backsliding 300, alternating, 303, 209, 302, 210…, and in-between running a simple parallel convergent antagonism, 100, 0, 99, 1, 98, 2, 97, 3, 96, 4, and that way you could be meditating into infinity and meditating into absolutism by colliding serial trains of thought, this is a four way metaphysical meditation, read to mean, very hard to keep in my head, but completely doable if your mind has been expanded by a volcanic quaking metaphysical eruption.
62 A Gift for the New Year
Oh there has been all kinds of clutter and music and wonderful things happening, why my brow is almost always on now, I can walk into a mall or into an office at it starts to swell with what I presume is some kind of a sympathetic harmonic response to others that might feel the same things that I sense. I try to walk back and forth and around to see if I can diagram the position of those that are making my third eye widen and yet have not, as of yet, located the culprits.
My hand-energy exercises have gone well though they are hardly that, exercise, because I have no sense of discipline, so much so that some spirit, I will call her Rita because the name sounds like she sounded, Rita tells me that she is going to stop training me because I don’t pay attention, and she calls me some bad Spanish word, “Maldito, I am wasting my time with you no more!” Her English is worse than mine, I tell her to forgive me to please come back, she doesn’t, I try to imagine how badly I screwed up with my metaphysical professor and then realize that they don’t pay me to learn their ways, they don’t pamper me, my wife and I today live on barely nothing of the material world and these souls, spirits, aliens whatever getting angry because I don’t sit there and pay 110 percent attention, it just doesn’t make sense, and besides that I am not sure about the benefits of being spiritual in a non spiritual world, though they do keep telling me that the spiritual world is just about to happen, only months away from bursting into everyday life. Ok. I can understand that, I keep on, try to pay a little more attention so that when the new world order turns into the metaphysical plane I will be there with the pack.
Hand exercises are easy anyway, I naturally exude cosmic energy, my hands can make a ball of cosmic energy as if they were rolling cookie dough easily enough, do it all the time, I can bounce stringy energy back and forth, and the harmonics of throwing it in-between my palms causes it to grow into a large coagulated energy form that can touch other aspects of my being such as my face and arms, and I do feel an overflow, the rhythmic movements do have to keep a cadence but overall they are not difficult to maintain, after a while you get bored with bouncing the energy back and forth so you start thinking what can I do with this energy, can I make it hit the wall and it will bounce back to me, it doesn’t, try then to spin it around, it spins, but no matter what it has to be between your hands and your brow, that seems to be essential, though there are exceptions, finger energy, energy that accumulates at the tips of your fingers and you can feel without having to resonate it, it resonates by itself, can be felt and made larger with slight movements though to no known circumstance, sometimes I can feel the energy under the soles of my feet, this in theory should eventually grow sufficient to allow me to levitate, this hasn’t happened yet.
There have been some spectacular apparitions, sounds and spatial flexing are part of the experiences, there is now a ringing that zaps right through the air, you can feel it as if you had a long-sound-line maintaining throughout both ears, the amplitude expands the air in the room and spirits flash their immensity and presence at such instances, then there collapses the pressure in the room as they leave, this becomes apparent to the ear drums and at times I can actually feel a restructuring of my frontal lobe, where it seems most of this metrical activity is registered.
New sounds and expressions plus demanding and demeaning spirits, makes it all worthwhile. Imagine that precisely two nights ago, I was thinking terrible thoughts, every time I closed my eyes some new horrible image would come into my mind’s eye, I would then open my eyes so as not to think those terrible thoughts but as soon as I would close them more horror would spring into view. I told the universe that I was not an evil spirit nor of a bad nature so that I didn’t need those thoughts in me and still they did not go away, and they were vivid and colorful and disturbing each and all. Till, I don’t know how I came to this conclusion, but in truth in spiritual travels you stumble along till you find your way, I said, “I don’t want evil spirits within me, get out of my body spirits with mal intent.” My request was off the cuff, I wasn’t really thinking it, I just said it or something helping me said it but sure enough when I finished the sentence a rush of energy swelled from within me and brusquely got out of my body! Though now as I write this to you the energy is surging within me as if to tell me it is still there and it hasn’t yet left and it is aware I am writing this. All wonderful indeed! I wish you all could be here living this so you could know this truth.
The point being that I have felt there are at least two or three spirits within me, besides my own and I am not sure that that means that I am not alone, however it does mean life has gotten more interesting. Also would like to point out that the clarity of the horrid thoughts must have been possible because the evil spirit was within me and clearly connected to all aspects of my being, and I guess it is still in there and may have faked an exit, to which I can only say that I am overjoyed that I am of such interest. Still I am now speculating that there must be hundreds of people everywhere experiencing the same thing.
But that, and all that is not the best of it, as I was going through the Christmas season as 2006 was cycling into 2007, I was sort of a scrooge, I do not enjoy the commercialism of Christmas, I don’t enjoy billions of transactions electronically completing themselves ticking the spirit of Christmas, I don’t like hearing peoples psychobabble discounting coupons, gift certificates, the right gift, tis the season to be jolly tralalala, no it isn’t it is crazed spending season, get your buying rush! Part of me, the part that isn’t cynical thinks there is something more than that, something more genuine underneath it all but I cannot see it and I am not going to dig for it. Sorry.
However through all the unpleasantries I got to cook the Christmas dinner with my adorable Domaine and it being the first time ever we had made such a dish I was thrilled when it came out all delicious, delicious, delicious. Anyways I had asked the spirits to give me some kind of a sign for the new year and one of those merry nights I was meditating when an image of a gift rapped in a very vibrant, glossy, reddish-purple gift paper, with a golden ribbon came into my minds eye, only it was the size of a coffin and sure enough a person, the figure of a person was in it, and it was trying to get out and though the gift retained is nicely packed unbreakable image yet occasionally you could see the maroon chestnut like arms and legs protruding but not breaking through, and the box was placed in front of me, and there flash! like that it disappeared! That was my Christmas gift from the spirits, they gave me my self essence, they gave me, me!
Magnificently happy, overjoyed, I smirked like a kid the whole day.
63 It is not all pretty out in the cosmic metaphysical
A particularly bad night, the wrong spirits got into me before I could detect them, usually I am able to detect them, but this one snuck up on me and was well within me where it would now be difficult to eject, apparently when they make a path into you the path sticks into some soul road trip guide, bad souls now have inroads into me, they may take a superhighway for one has made it deep within my primal essence being, has even read everything about me and has used it to dislodge every barrier around me. I could tell that this was so because it flashed memories of many events in this life and others, all not so very precious, more placed in a disturbing context, the imagery was lively but I wished it wasn’t, I wished the colors were toned down like a Goya painting that veils the tragedy with the reality of human emotion on top of it, this evil spirit was however not willing to cover up the tragedies or specters of my lives, it put it out there for me to see and relieve and feel my acts but without the charisma of the enveloping moment, it was an endless night of moral flashbacks dispensing with any idea I had of my being a good, nurturing soul, I wasn’t, and I more troubling, I hadn’t been forgiven by the universe for my past errors or trespassings.
Then the voice of a woman came on board, she had ill will towards me, she was old, very old, very set in her evil ways, at first I tried to supplicate her out of my body, that didn’t muster any sympathetic nerve in her, then I attempted a form of reasoning, as evil is very reasonable, that is, “Why should we not get our way?” is a reasonable evil argument, but reason didn’t seem to alter her wicked intent, she wanted to harm me, that was imminent and evident, this perhaps because she was insulted by my very existence or its very proposition, she didn’t want anyone like me giving themselves the airs of benevolent tribe dweller, she would destroy those concepts. I went into supplicating prayer calling upon the benevolent spirits that were on emergency watch to come and rescue me from the possession, they didn’t, I don’t know why, I counted many prayers, enunciating them according to the varying panic of the moment, but it was to no avail, sleep became impossible.
At some point during what has to be one of the longest sleepless nights of my life I recalled that an earlier spirit had said, “Beware of the old woman that is after you?” I had heeded that warning by trying to identify a negative character in my daily physical life, but there was the error, she wasn’t here, the bad old lady was in the metaphysical plain, she could well be anywhere in real life or an after life, but the essence was violating me from the metaphysical environment, she was using those instruments to intrude into my life and cause me havoc.
She wickedly bothered to explain the madness to me, “I knew you could detect me coming and would prevent me from settling in, so I got in through your wife, you never saw me coming because I came in through her first, you were busy meditating and by the time I was inside of you it was too late for you to do anything about it.” Indeed that night I had been very concerned about Domaine’s breathing patterns, once I even felt compelled to wake her up to make sure she was ok. Now this evil-she was laughing hysterically as she noted the above, and then went on to say that I had rebuffed her in the past but that now I was going to learn the power of low level energies, I wasn’t going to get rid of her, she was going to make my life hellish. And with that she launched another world series of mental images that made me keep my eyes wide open so as to dislocate them, then she pulsed throughout my body heaving her heavy mass without any hindrance; her evil soul wholly in place I got up to leave my wife’s side and went into the living room and begged my Loki cat to mop this evil energy, as cats are suppose to absorb negative energy and recycle it into a neutral aspect, but Loki was more interested in petting than in saving me, tis it was. I slept awake the entire rest of the night, and still have this evil woman within me as I write this passages to you, she promises to make my life a documentary of awful, I don’t know what to do, I believe, have to believe that my benevolence will eventually call in the forces of good and that they will prevail, if not I will have to induct myself into the catholic faith and submit to an exorcism, as sadly none of this is in my head, it is all really out there and now very much within this naked soul.
64 Clarity Is Honesty
Well the meditations have gone badly or negatively, it is as if every time I close my eyes and enter a trance the view is maledictive, the scenery of the metaphysical bleaks darkness, the thoughts that are brought unto my mind’s eye are destructive and harrowing, finally I have to drop out of the meditation, I have to stop listening, I go away from something that I have fought so hard to get into that now it doesn’t make any sense, why are they against me?
It would be pointless to count out the negative visions which they have fostered within me just to read them out to you here, they are voluminous and worrisome, and yes they question not only the sanity of the excursions into the metaphysical but also my sanity in the here and now and beg the question: “Will I last it out?” What will happen if I continue and more why are there spiritual forces exerting themselves to prevent my dwellings in the cosmic plane?
Unfortunately this is not something where the answers don’t come at an immediate personal cost, the experiment is not scientific, that is it is not done under controlled circumstances, the outcome cannot be determined the experiment might not be stoppable, it may well be too late already, I am worried just as much as part of me seems to think that we have not yet gone far enough, that we could go a little further and still return. But that aside I worry that my own hand might be drafted to harm others, I dare say that I have witnessed a certain degree of violence in the inner most intimate aspect of my soul, it is worrisome that such could be unleashed, even if its worldly effect were minimal it would still be destructive and undesirable, still I dare thread upon the uncharted because to return to the normalcy of the world we live in horrifies me even more.
Last night an evil spirit came to me, it asked me to listen to it, as it did it covered my eyes with the form of its apparent hand, I could see through its fingers as they obstructed my face like a baseball mask, then I saw myself from behind, as if I were standing behind my self, and there I saw myself sitting in the lotus position but with a negative karma florescent silhouette, and there on top of my head was a brick, a brick held there by the dark hand of evil, I could not unleash myself from such a moment, I was trapped. I might still be trapped.
Tonight I was at the restaurant and I talked to the spirit that lives there, I asked it for guidance, for help, for enlightenment, it hardly responded, it seemed not to want to respond though finally it said, “Clarity is honesty.” What am I to make of that? I sit here tonight wondering if I should even dare my actions further but just as soon as I say that I ask myself what is it that I am doing? No one believes this to be true, no one believes what I am feeling and seeing, Rosa thinks it is all inside of my head, my wife prefers not to address it, I cannot tell anyone, my sister tells me to be careful, and the world at large just goes on, focused. It is very important to keep focus, yes, everything, an entire history of lives, everything could collapse if we don’t keep focused, if clarity is honesty respect is knowing what not to know.
65 In For An Operation
Recently I was having some slight nose bleeds, I didn’t think much of it I did however remember that when I was a young boy I had a ponderous number of nose bleeds, a neighbor suggested that I put the Colombian equivalent of a penny to my forehead and they would go away, I did that several times it didn’t work, eventually the nose bleeds did go away, I don’t know why, as I was saying recently they returned, not to their earlier level of severity but still somewhat bothersome.
On one of my recent meditations a device came into view of my mind’s eye, the device was interesting in that it was a multidimensional gadget, it touched more than one dimension with its concept design, it seemed the size of an egg but that was in my mind, it was more likely the tiny size of minus twenty-three pico seconds long, or so I thought. Curiously I had just ended my countdown to enter the meditative state so as usual I entered the number of my birth year and called out my full name to bring it to attention to those souls concern with me, and this device suddenly appeared and went into some kind of a positional lockdown, all of its crevices were quickly eliminated by a clamping down series of actions, that seemed to be activated by its act of locating my position in space time. The device sealed shut and I seemed to receive a message that I could stop, beacon like, calling out my name and birth year.
Not long after that the nose bleeds started, or they may have been a bit before, who knows anymore, it is not like I try to keep geometric accuracy here, but then come about three weeks later a most startling of things happened, I woke up in the middle of an operation, or instead of waking up I came to, the act of coming to brought into my eye, straight into the visual cortex the image of three aliens, all operating on me, performing some kind of a review procedure and such was being done through my nose.
The reader will want to stop me here and say, “Hey wait a minute you were abducted by aliens?”
“Yes I was.”
I don’t know what else to tell you, I don’t like it anymore than you do, in fact it bothers me somewhat to put it here into this spiritual search scribbling, it is just easier for me, as it is for everyone else to believe that there are spirits but not aliens, however I was indeed taken into some operating ward, a procedure was done and they inserted a very nano-tiny device into my nose; they, the aliens, were listening, they the aliens were listening to music, I could hear their music, I could even hum it for you if you were here as it was a clear melody, perhaps our equivalent of mellow pop music, it went something like this, “blong blong fling, blong blong, fling, twileet blong…” something to that effect, it is still very clear in my head.
As they were performing the surgery they seemed completely unaware that I was watching them and also they seemed to be carrying out, what was to them, a very routine procedure; in other words they were not paying any attention to what they were doing to me, they were mumbling with one another and that is probably why I was able to awake without their taking immediate notice. Which allowed me to observe them with detailed accuracy, they were about 5 foot tall or so, I sort of determined that by how their bodies constituted themselves above the operating theater, they had tiny eyes and lizard like crusted bodies, they were mostly a happy semi dark green, with some discoloration towards the front of their bodies which turned sort of yellow but not quite, lizard like, their bodies did not seem agile, they had short hands and tubular structures, there were undulations near their joints, and the neck had a minor excess of flesh, they seemed more or less content with themselves and their apparent tour of duty in outer space exploration.
I made a very serious effort to concentrate on them and the music I did not make out any apparatus that they could be using on me, for the most part it must have been none intrusive surgery, if that, and it felt as if I were a repeat patient going through some kind of check up. Eventually the whole procedure ended; I was again in my bed and the entire operation may have well been performed there. I came to a full state of consciousness humming the tune of the music that had been playing in alien background.
I did not feel any discomfort or any feelings of loss or gains though I had a twitch in my nose, and my frontal lobe seemed an ever-expanding version of itself, innerving-swelling into my skull, it was an unexplainable discomfort.
I fell sleep thinking just what you are thinking, “No one is ever going to believe this.”
66 Things Get Weirder
The very next night, not two or three nights later not months later but the very next night I went into a contemplative meditation of a very religious nature, where I chanted prayers that just came thorough my vocals without much urging, just a constant prayer session, more or less saying:
“Divine soul make me an aware part of everything that we are, in us all, with everything, we all emotive creatures in the universe, divine soul, nurture me, bring me into your consciousness, make me aware of you, of the light, of the goodness, divine consciousness, allow my goodness to protrude through everything that I do, I appreciate that I have faults but I am not at war with them, I accept my sins, I forgive myself, Divine essence make every aspect of our world a giving thing, a generous essence of us all…”
It varied from that some what but that was very much the thrust of my prayers or chanting, and for some reason I felt that I had to verbalize the prayers, keeping my tone down so as not to awake my sleeping beauty Domaine, I intoned further:
“I want a miracle, divine essence that constitutes us all as we constitute you, give me a miracle, light my path, guide my path, reveal my guardian angel to me, allow my guardian angel to be witness by me, I want a miracle, divine essence of us all I want a miracle.”
As I intoned those very words in ascending variances all relevant towards the creation of a miraculous moment, two or three spirits moved around my bed from right to left, fast and only once, though later one would repeat the motion around the bed twice. There were noises but I could not tell if those noises were from the winds outside or normal wooded-house creaking, I didn’t know, I didn’t bother to give value to the noises, but I did listen and heard things which were perhaps not of a natural nature, then before me a streak of light, think of it as a thin thread, the color of lightning subdued a billion times, so that all you could see is this long thin string, hanging right in front of your eyes, of your third eye, of your countenance and an immense feeling of energy came through my body, undulating through it, and then pausing gently, the string disappeared, and I don’t remember anything else of it, it certainly was not Angel Gabriel, it didn’t have wings, it didn’t even feel majestic or caring, it was just a string, a long noodle, angel hair pasta, about a foot long and about as wide, that was presumably the universes idea-representation of my guardian angel.
For a while after I kept alert and made more divine requests:
“Let the psychic world enter my dimension and I its stream, let the luminosity of our emotive nature sooth me and allow the barriers between dimensions to collapse, let me be one with my metaphysical self, with the souls, with all the others, let me witness and feel all.”
But nothing came of that, throughout there were energies present in the room, they would come in and out of my body, but didn’t identify themselves at all by trait or name or symbol. I went to sleep, very exhausted.
67 I don’t believe it either
Not another night but the very same night I was again awakened about 3 to 4 pm, this time the presence of an advanced civilization were very apparent to me, I was in an alien planet but not populated by aliens but by a human civilization that was formidably advance technologically, the entire atmosphere, everything everywhere was artificial, human made, they showed me around their cities, mostly through what seemed telepathy, the buildings were all beautifully constructed, aesthetics were not lacking but I didn’t see plants or trees or landscapes, just large and vast buildings and infrastructures of every type imaginable, the place was a science fiction paradise. The beings that addressed me were probably three, a couple of men and a woman, they did not seem to have egos, or individualized characters, they seemed to speak all the same things in the same manner and tone, almost as if their personalities were identical, or as if they depended entirely on each other to complete the telepathic communication, what I mean is that I always saw the three of them, together, not separate but they were certainly individual in that they had three very separate bodies, which granted may have been more to make me feel at home. What was clear is that they were just like us, the same mental-emotional type of constituency that formulated us formulated those beings, they were just light years more advanced than us, but seemed to have our best interest in mind.
Then came the shocking part, they told me of my earlier non-human-alien visitation, they described the device that had been implanted as a harmless thing in my nose; they then put me into some kind of operating theater, and technology, not doctors, not persons, a bunch of machines removed the device that had earlier been implanted in my nose, they told me everything went well during the procedure and they returned me to earth either by flight or by ceasing the communication or the dimensional spectrum split.
I lay in bed for a few minutes, knowing I had experienced all that, and dear reader I don’t expect you to believe me because frankly I don’t believe it either.
In all I decided to conclude this book here, I don’t know where my meditations will take me from here, the human aliens did reveal some stranger things to me, but I prefer to just keep those to myself for now.
This morning a new energy representation entered my body, it wasn’t a wave, it was as if all the particles in our most inner dimensional space, had for a second all vibrated loud enough for every cell in my body to feel them, then they went quiet.
The world to come does seem fascinating, it appears we will eventually bridge the gap between the soul world, the metaphysical plane and our material world, also it seems that those lizard like aliens, and those aliens that were human like are all providence of the same pure essence emotional energy expressions, each of us an eye of pure emotive essence looking into the material world, occasionally we bump into another’s pure emotive essence eye and react surprised to find someone like us that looks a little different because they have adapted to a different environment and have a different outlook for it. Evolution is primarily primed by our essence’s desire to witness and experience the material world, when a species dies it is because our emotive essence is done looking at the world from that perspective, existence as we know it is primarily a curiosity, our habitats form character and individual perceptions yet eventually we will all fade away our curiosities sabotaged by the cruel satisfaction that we met each other again in the out there - because we were the only thing that we could recognize and know.
Now when the aliens come they first play their music, they know I like it.